Friday, December 23, 2005

Happy Freakin' Holidays

Hey out there in bloggerland. I just wanted to take a quick moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Solstice, Bountiful Kwanzaa, and of course, Happy New Year. And a special shout out to those celebrating Festivus - a holiday for the rest of us. Ooohh, that reminds me! Let me show you a song me and some friends wrote on a message board in honor of Festivus:
The Festivus Song

Now it's time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
no dreidel to spin
or fat guy creepin' in
a season that quickly ends
gather your family and friends
this part is the most fun
tell each and every one
how this last trip round the sun
every wrong thing that they've done
has really let you down
but no need to wear a frown
---- now it's time for Festivus ...

Now it's time for Festivus
A holiday for the rest of us.
No big ticket items
Or games of gelt hide 'ems
Its no festival of unity
But you'll speak with impunity
Call your dad and mother
Invite your sis and brother
Tell 'em what you REALLY think
Bottoms up, lets have a drink
Spread the ugly truth around
Cry, if you must, without a sound
---Now its time for Festivus.....

Now it's time for Festivus
a Holiday for the rest of us
We'll gather round the festive pole
an icon of majestic length
and stretch and flex as we prepare
the challenge of the feats of strength
We'll feast as friends who hate us
are preparing to berate us
we gather for this yearly meal
with family we'd like not to see
why subject ourselves to this ordeal?
because, you putz, the chow is free
Beeeeeeeeeeee-caaaaaaaaaause (gasp)
----- now it's time for Festivus!......

Now is the time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
but keep us far away from mistletoe
because we really don't trust Uncle Joe
and big expensive gifts for kids are poxes
because they end up playing with the boxes
you know that you can count on sweetie's mom
to tell you why your turkey was a bomb
while in the den Ed, Bill and Walter stare
as if a football game were on the air
you're tired of each other -- that much is clear
and so you smile and wave "Same Time Next Year"
---- now it's time for Festivus! . . .

And now, it is the time for Festivus,
A holiday made for the rest of us.
Blow out the pilot light and crank up the stove,
Insert your head and reunite with Jove.
Beware the cars carreening to and fro,
don't sin too much, and don't eat yellow snow.
The carolers evoke a thoughtful grin--
One well aimed .22 will damp their din.
The yule log burns, it is a merry light
It's Presto scent's like smoking Samsonite.
The guests are gussied up, so no one knows
that Uncle Fred has cankers on his nose.
And all those joys abound with little fuss
Because it is the time of festivus.

Verse one by Rich W
Verse two by wildblue'72
Verse three by - Poppaspank -
Verse four by Stephen lyonheart Lewis
Verse Five by John H. Spencer

See if you can figure out which one I am by a process of elimination :-)
I am heading off now, for a little vacation from work and computers. In about two days, I will no doubt be undergoing treatment for my withdrawal symptoms. At any rate, see you on the other side of the New Year. Love ya, lb @ onlyoneihave.blogspot

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


I want to mark time here...make a note of this particular point in my life. Let it be known that I am rather disturbingly enthralled by the Swordsman / Poet's emails and phone calls. If we could meet more often, this would have to burn is way too intense. I can honestly say that I have never had anyone speak to me as purely erotically as he does...and he makes me feel that I can say anything to him as well, I can give over my deepest desires and he gives them back to me validated and even more charged than before. I can't imagine where this is going, but the ride is amazing.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

My Cut and Paste Lovah

Milly, clearly not having enough to do today, printed up a photo of me, cut out my head, pasted it on to Tea Leoni's body, to create a lovely picture of David Duchovny gazing at me adoringly. It was a fine head fit just right somehow. I laughed until I cried when she showed it to me. To make this whole story worse and even more pathetic, I took her job, did some additional touch ups on it and ran it once again through the copier to make a more uniform affect. Clearly I too did not have enough to do today. At any rate, it is a lovely reminder of David's and my big night out together...we were so enamored with one another! haha! Okay, it is more of a lovely reminder of how sometimes, at the liberry, we just have to find creative ways to fill time :-)

Monday, December 19, 2005

The CD I Want to Mix

1. Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warhols
2. Too Young - Phoenix
3. Starlite #1 - Mojave 3
4. Way You Walk - Papas Fritas
5. Rain - The Clientele
6. Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins
7. Surfing on a Rocket - Air
8. Icicle - Uncletoe's Portasound
9. Wish I Was There - Uncletoe's Portasound
10. You Are the Reason - Jeff Hanson
11. Lion's Mane - Iron & Wine
12. Naked as We Came - Iron & Wine
13. Cabaret Opening - Triplets of Belville soundtrack
14. Bus Stop - The Hollies
15. Welcome Back - Trashcan Sinatras
16. The Hidden Track - Earlimart
17. Never Never - Libertines
18. There & Back - The Legends

Okay, yes, I did have this mix and I did give it away, but I swear it was for a good cause....still, I miss it now.

My "Sexy" Name! Woo Hoo!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I Get So Mad at Me!

I am not going to a party I was invited to tonight. Why? Because I am a mom. That is just me pussing out on getting into a fight and ending up feeling sh*tty about myself. Yet somehow, I have ended up feeling sh*tty about myself anyway! Sounds like a personal problem to me....
Totally serving my time here, just waiting for my vacation. Also, in some way, dreading my vacation. Sometimes it is easier just to be here than there. That is an honest but ugly truth possibly shared by other people with families...possibly.
I'm also mad at myself for getting a little blue for not hearing from the Swordsman. I have grown accustomed to not hearing from the Team C, although it does sometimes disconcert me right after the fact...I need to step up my defenses and NOT let stuff that I will NEVER be able to control get me down!
I'll read. Right now, I'm trying Time Won't Let Me If it gets me through a long Sunday, I'll be good to go.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Oh, and...

...I'm a leetle down right now, cause I won't be seeing the Poet/Swordsman tomorrow as we had sort of, maybe, thought. I think at this point, it is going to be quite a while before we can take it out on each other and that is a damn shame....

The Day I Broke Even

Howdy. This morning was our staff Holiday breakfast, complete with omelette bar and gift exchange game. The omelette was, eh, you know omelette-y. I did suck down my share of coffee, I'll say that much. I ran out this morning to get something to bring to the gift exchange. I ended up getting this furry Christmas moose and a big box o' Hershey's Treasures chocolates. The spending limit was set at $15 and counting the fancy bag, I was right about there. I ended up, after several snatches and trades, with this tin of Starbucks hot chocolate mixes and a teeny Boyd teddy bear. I was okay with that, although I had my hands on a Borders gift card and a little boom box earlier. Anyway, DMB3 decided she could use the Starbucks cocoa for she traded me the $15 cash she had ended up with. So. Today is the day I broke even.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Easing Through the Week

Having arrived at the halfway mark, I have concluded that I will, indeed, make it through another week. Just finished my last storytime for the next four weeks or so. It is one of my favorite parts of my job, but I do find that I need these small breaks from them. It helps me come back ready to be peppy and fun again for the little sweetie pies. Several people gave me little Christmas gifts and it is nice to feel appreciated.
Finally got the Christmas tree set up at home. I like it once it is up, with the twinkly lights. Most of the ornaments at this point are the things that the kids made in school over the years. I am looking forward to the week I am taking off between Christmas and New Year. I can use the time with whatever kids may be around. And, no doubt, there are chores that need to be tended to properly. Yeah, it will be nice. I do have to worry about internet withdrawals, but I can deal :-)

Monday, December 12, 2005

How'd He Do That?

Just when I am feeling rather over Master Swordsman he gets me again. He called me today and when I spoke to him on the phone...we just seem to have this crazy connection. I admit that I liked it very much when he brought our friendship to a different level by showing me his writing and asking for notes. That combined with a talk that was very copacetic and a couple of steamy e's...and I'm just all there all over again. I wonder what it will be like the next time we see each other? I feel somewhat relieved that it isn't that often. I don't do that well with that level of intensity. There is definitely something to us'ens though....

I had a pretty quiet weekend for the most part. My daughter spent Fri, Sat, & Sun with my oldest son and his family. She had a great time and I got a break from the bickering that goes on between her and my littlest son. Got another shelf put in the laundry room...oh, and had to replace the microwave. Gotta have a working micro! I ran out of stuff to read Saturday evening and didn't want to start something old, so Sunday was sadly spent with only the paper and a catalog or two. Which reminds me, I still have to pick something up before I leave tonight. I'll go have a look

Friday, December 9, 2005

And After the Party, Its the After Party

Okay, not so much, but I like to pretend I'm living that rock n roll life. haha! Ah well, anyway, I did go to the party with Milly and Heat as planned. It was fine, but as I think I indicated these aren't exactly raise the roof kind of events. The theme was cute. Actually, this is the first year I remember there being an actual "theme". It was sort of an International thing. Some people, mostly ones on the party planning commitee I assume, dressed up in costuming from their country of origin or some other country that interested them. I, of course, did not dress up. This is me at the party
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Thursday, December 8, 2005

Party On...Damn, This is Exhausting!

Okay. It is back on. Ima party. And I will have fun. And I will get through this next little bit of my life, sanity intact.

Party On, Without Me

I feel like crying, but I just can't while I am at work. WTG called up all in a foul mood and said I shouldn't be out running around...and then I just heard that "wah wah wah" sound like the Peanuts kids used to hear when the grown ups talked. End result, I guess I'll go home instead. Man, I'm tired....

Party On, You Funky City Employees!

This evening is the city's holiday dinner. Every year about this time we get together in the big room at the Community Center, eat an adequate catered meal, sit around gazing at our raffle tickets, hoping to take something home, and watching service awards being handed out. Yes, it is just as fun as it sounds. Well, you know, it is nice to get together with all the other city departments. I still find policemen and firemen sort of thrilling.
Aside from that, not much to report. I am feeling cold in this building and it is making me want to hibernate.
Also, the Swordsman sent me this short story to edit and told me not to be namby pamby and approving. Um, well, I wasn't. I hope he can take constructive criticism. He is a good writer, but this particular piece needed lots of work. I'm anxious to see how he accepts my remarks and suggestions.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005


Just got back from a nice long lunch with Team C. Damn, I feel like a million bucks! When we get together everything feels so right and I feel so lucky. Team C is my salvation.

Tuesday, December 6, 2005


Just got a call from my favorite Team C member and we are definitely on for tomorrow. Yes! Something to look forward to, to enjoy, and to recall happily. Divine.
Lessee what else is in the fire. Work, all is as usual. Home, all is in a state of calm stasis. Me, feeling pleased as punch for now. I picked up a few books last night. Quickly re-read The Age of Grief. A lovely series of stories and the novella, which became the wonderful movie Secret Lives of Dentists. I also picked up an interesting looking little book called What the Birds See. Plus, for my oldest son (and probably me, too) I got Random Acts of Badness by Danny Bonaduce. So, once again, I prove myself a reading fool...and every other kind of fool as well. xoxo

Monday, December 5, 2005

Large & In Charge

Aaaahhh! That was a sigh of relief. Finally, I have gotten ahold of myself. I was so right...with me, time and distance are little miracles of modern medicine. I can handle the Swordsman and keep him right where he belongs. I am planning an attack with Team C this week and that should do wonders for my body and mind.
What else is going on? Worked Saturday...busy. Rested Sunday...quiet. I saw a movie, but won't bother talking about it as it was nothing special. The Ice Harvest? Meh.
I read magazine after magazine this weekend, as I had kind of let them pile up, so that was pretty restful and non-taxing. This evening, gots to find me a gooood booook.

Thursday, December 1, 2005

Not Scary, But a Little Scared

I talked to Master Swordsman today and now I get my problem. I am so falling for him and that is just a bad, bad idea. I am determined to keep this under control. Well, and in the end I know in my heart exactly what this is fun and that is all. I can definitely deal with that.
I think a meeting with Team C might help me gain some perspective. Hopefully, that can happen within a reasonable length of time. Fingers crossed.

Better Butter

As I predicted, I am feeling better today. There is one more day between me and the stuff that sort of brought me to my knees. I am still tired, but it feels more I just didn't go to bed early enough. I will tell you though, I sure need to pull myself together and remember my mission in life. Enjoy it now, because the future is already here...or something like that.

How Scary Am I?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

Wednesday, November 30, 2005


Why am I suddenly so deeply tired? I think it is just my emotional crash happening. I'll feel better tomorrow I'll bet.

Not-So-Sweet Emotion

I am feeling a little odd. When I was with Master Swordsman the other day, we did, um, this thing, that I hadn't done before. It was actually a rather intense time that we had and I may be having a little trouble finding the right amount of disconnect from the whole thing. I do these things I do with all the best intentions and all clarity in my mind about meanings (or lack thereof) Sometimes, though, I just sort of fall into despair over my own moments of neediness. Right now, I am just passing through some...barrier or something. It will disappear and probably soon. Then, I'll regain perspective. Meantime, I just felt the need to put into words (or things resembling words) what I am feeling. Thanks for listening, so to speak.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Reading is Fuuuunnnndamental!

Hey all y'all. What, you might ask, have I been reading lately? Over Thanksgiving break I read through what I had gotten here. In a pinch, I decided to reread Stones for Ibarra. A lovely little gem of a book. I've been meaning to read further in the Doerr collection, but haven't as of yet.
Yesterday I brought home The Amateur Marriage by one of my very favorite authors. I actually have read it before, but not as many times as I've read her earlier it still has plenty of play :-)
Have I anything else of interest to post? Not at the moment...but you'll be the first to know!

What Kind of Frog Am I?

Do I care? Apparently so...

I'm a Cuban Tree Frog!

Believed to have been brought to America as stow-aways on banana boats, Cuban Tree Frogs are the largest tree frogs in North America. They are notorious for cannibalism...if there are other species of frogs in the tank, or even specimens of the same species, they have been known to feast on their neighbors!

What kind of Frog are you?

Monday, November 28, 2005


D.R. stopped in here to get a link and felt compelled to read, which ended up making him feel hurt all over again. If you ever read this again D.R. ...I'M SORRY! But I'm pretty sure we decided he wasn't going to read here for both of our sakes. He makes me feel guilty and I while I don't blame him, I just don't need it...can't bear it! The relationships that I hint at here are supposed to be all about making me feel GOOD. And they do. Except when I feel bad.

Mr. Kot-TER!

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. I am back and thus, you are too...right? Hello? At any rate, here I am after a nice four day weekend. I am feeling somewhat refreshed. Thanksgiving was a very nice event at my x-bro-in-law's house. His girlfriend isn't too friendly, but she puts out a heck of a spread :-) We ended up traveling in three different cars, but at least all the kids showed up this year, at least for a while.
The rest of the weekend was not quite as filled with downtime as I would have liked, but at least I wasn't at WORK work.
This morning I left the house a little early because I need to have a word or two with Master Swordsman. Lets just say the word of the day is "Trust". Incredible what trust can do for you and others you associate with.
Hey, I think I will write again later on today with more stuff. I just wanted to check in and put a few words out there. Gobble Gobble!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

What Kind of Pie Am I? Is this a dirty joke?

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional
Those who like you crave security

Sometimes Work Saves My Life

This was one of my days to come into work at noon...and let me tell you, my morning was pretty much one giant pain in the a$$. Got into a huge fight over the phone with WTG. That is by far his prefered method of fighting. At any rate, I was feeling bad in general and feeling bad about myself specifically. When I came to work though, kindness and humor saved me. For some reason, when I came in today, I ran into four different families from my storytimes past and present. Through some lovely coincidence they each told me how much they appreciated my work and how much the kids enjoyed their time with me. I have to say that it just made me feel so great to be appreciated like that. Isn't that something everyone needs? To feel like what they do has value?
Then, as a capper, Milly came by the desk and told me a story, complete with visuals that had me laughing until tears came to my eyes. Man, I needed a good laugh!
So, yes, sometimes work saves my life...or at least saves the feeling that life is worth living :-)

Monday, November 21, 2005

Joaquin, I Love You!

This Thursday is Thanksgiving! Th-th-th-thank you! My children have only two days of school, I have only three days of work. Four days off in a row is sounding real nice right about now. I do have internet withdrawals at home...other than that, I can definitely use the time off. It is an unusually quiet Monday evening, so I'll just have to kill some time reading other people's blogs I guess. I have found some fun things just "next blog"-ing.
I need to creep over to the adult area of the building and see if I can't find a book or two to take me through the long weekend. I feel so lucky to have all these books right here! I'm completely sincere when I say this. Lucky, lucky, lucky.
That will be on my "things I'm thankful for list"...which I have pretty much shared here already at a point or two :-)
Oh, hey! I went to the movies yesteday and saw Walk the Line. I have to say that Joaquin Phoenix was incredibly sexy playing Johnny Cash. Reese Witherspoon was fabulous and beautiful as June Carter, waiting for her man to get it together. Like the recent Ray Charles biopic, it focuses on just a portion of this artist's life...but it is just the right portion...just the right framework for the whole big picture.

Friday, November 18, 2005

She's Gotta Have It

Something to read, of course.
I went with something extremely frothy, but it looks quite adorable. It is called Love@First Site.
You probably wouldn't know it about me, but I actually am very fond of romance. I'm not a ho, but I play one on television. heh heh

Words & Me

I am a sucker for words. Books, a good letter, someone who can string a sentence together. See, I have been more or less avoiding the Swordsman/Poet, because he is sort of...intimidating. I finally spoke with him honestly, telling him of my concerns and the things that were potentially worrisome about our friendship. He responded in the most lovely way, saying all the right things. Don't get me wrong...I do realize that words are just words. However, when we spoke I remembered, again, why I feel drawn to him. Right now, I just want to get through the Thanksgiving weekend in one piece and then we will see what happens next.

Speaking of words...I need to find a book to take home for the weekend. I think maybe something sort of light and fun for now. I'm too tired to concentrate hard. I'll have to look around a bit and see what tickles me fancy.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Once Again, Loving Love

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

Because Right Now, I Am Loving Love

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.
Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.

Your flirting style: Coy

Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park

Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant

What you bring to relationships: Romance

Days of Our Lives

My day so far:
-Up and at 'em morning routine (this morning it involved stopping fisticuffs between my daughter and youngest son - woo hoo!
-Arrive at work and see what the day looks like (crying is not an option!)
-Desk time, desk time, desk time.
-Lunch! Milly and LeRoy's, you rock the hizouse.
-Blog! Email!
Coming up next:
-Desk time with the teeming masses
-Pumpkin Pie Social Event (good thing I'm so full...not a fan of the pumpkin pie)
-Desk time with the reeming asses...or something like that
-Home to put out the fires
-Eat dinner, clean up
-TV, homework, TV
-Read until losing consciousness.

Just wanted to remind you all of what you are missing out on by not being me!
You gotta laugh, because it is either that or crying hysterically. Sometimes that is actually prefered, but for now...laugh.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

What Rejected Crayon Color Am I?

You are

This is based on the color of my underwear! Hint: They are not Tin Man's Johnson Silver...but most Johnson sporting creatures like this color underwear on women...

Feel the Love

This could be a day like any other, but it is not. Thanks to an exhausting, exhilarating meeting between members of Team C I get the gift of feeling blissed out for at least the rest of the day. I take back what I said about not getting love in my life. I get it when I am with Team C and it means the world to me.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

By The Way...

Team C is ON for tomorrow! Yes!!! I am so happy. Can't think of anything I want more right now.

The Movie of the Story of My Life

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times.
Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness!

Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

The Queen

I am so just trying to get through my life with as little conflict as possible. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am the Queen of Non-Confrontation. D.R. confronted me yesterday about the contents of my blog...and now I can say anything I want as he won't be wandering in anymore. I'm hurt that he doesn't want to know what is really going on in my life, but I also understand that my veiled (ha!) references to any sort of, ummm...physical outlet for my frustrations, made him feel sad and uncomfortable. Whatever.
To anyone who is reading, I thank you. Blogging is sort of private, like writing in a diary, but has that added kick that people may or may not be reading your thoughts. For me, it helps me feel connected to the world outside of myself to think that occasionally random strangers might wander across my blog and read an entry or two before getting bored and moving on. Plus, there are a couple of people who know me and may read here...and THEY don't seem bothered by anything I say, that is good...because I am the Queen of Non-Confrontation.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Purple Reign

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.
You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.
You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Reading Fool

Or, perhaps that would just be "Fool". In any event the reading is going fine. I finished Love, Work, Children and am now tempted to go ahead and try the first one...but not just yet. Actually, I also just finished Gideon Defoe's second book The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab. I want Gideon to be my own funny friend :-)
I just picked up The Other Shulman. I am anticipating humor and a bit of heartbreak...we shall see.

Happy Birthday, D.R. You deserve the best.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Lust in My Heart

The Master Swordsman seems to be wearing me down. Well, no...not wearing me down. More like winding me up. He just sent me another poem...but it is absolutely too, um, explicit to go here. Is there anything better than lust? I mean, besides love, which isn't on the menu for me these days. If the big Chef upstairs decided I deserved to have that served to me again someday, I would absolutely prefer the deep deliciousness of genuine love. Seems unlikely, though, at least for I'll be nourishing myself with lust.

What Kind of Paint Am I?

I am
Utrecht "Cadmium Orange" acrylic (2 oz tube)

The wall is my easel.

Which house paint are you?

I can't help my compulsion to take these wacky quizzes. Help me help myself.

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Meal Fit For a King

Ah, another magnificent lunch at LeRoys with the Millster. I had the bacon/cheddar omelet with tots. Milly had brain meatloaf. We both had plenty to bring back to work with us.

I spoke to Master Swordsman on the phone today and happily all is well there. Talk about your intense personalities. *whew*

Oh! I keep forgetting to put in my blog two more movies that you might want to check out for a diversion. Last Friday morning I saw Shop Girl with my lovah, Steve Martin. Also starring Claire Danes and the cute Jason Schwartzman, this movie is a sweet little treat that might make you believe in love, once again :-)
Sunday, I saw The Dying Gaul. Awesomly cast with Campbell Scott, Patricia Clarkson, and Peter Sarsgaard. Very...dramatic, but real.

Okay, off to a staff meeting. An hour of my life that I'll never get back....

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

All the Kids Are Doin' It....

Your Icecream Flavour is...Chocolate!
You are the all time favorite, chocolate! Turning white kids black since the 1800s. Staining carpets, car seats, and bed sheets for centuries. One thing is for sure, you will never go out of style. You can't go wrong with chocolate!
What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Arrested Development

Arrested Development is the best show ever. I can't state this strongly enough. The jokes are silly, clever, visual, subtle, nasty, name it, they got it. Every time I watch it I feel grateful that someone in the television biz gets it!
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"Do you want a man or a boy? I know what my answer would be!" -Tobias Funke

Monday, November 7, 2005

I Can Fix Things

Salvaging the day...I've sort of mended fences re my missed meeting this morning. I put in a work order for the phone line and got a dental appointment for my son. So, at least I have done what I can to make things better.
D.R. is getting his flirt on with another...gotta be cool with that because that is how it is with us. What is my choice but to look at that as another positive?

Nightmarish Day

If it could go wrong today, it has. And the day isn't even half over. Woke up tired. WTG wouldn't get out of the house this morning so I missed an important meeting. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss with him, so it was easier just to go about my regular routine. Now, someone is totally pissed at me...with good reason. My home phone is out of order. My oldest son is having problems with his wisdom teeth. It is not horrible stuff. It just seems like a bunch at once. I'll try to write some more positive stuff later on today. Hopefully, since there is such a long bit of day left to get through, something good will happen...

Saturday, November 5, 2005


I made at least one connection that needed to be made today vis-a-vis my wicked telephone. I spoke to that Poet and reintroduced him to the idea of moderation and...shall we say...reality. He's more a fantasy fan, though. Different strokes for different folks, as Sly Stone would sing it :-)

Last night WTG and I went out to the Improv together to see Bob Saget. His act wasn't unfamiliar to me. He does the whole riffing on his image thing...Full House, America's Most F'ed Up Home Videos, his ex-wife, his daughters...Not the most hilarious guy ever, but there is something about him that is very appealing for some reason. Also, it was fun to go out somewhere like a grown up. WTG was on good behavior and paid for dinner and the club. I have learned that detente never lasts long with us, but even a temporary cease fire can be a relief.

I did solve Thursday's problem, to some degree, but that is only because I am an expert in the Fine Art of Pleasing L.B. Sad, but true.

Thursday, November 3, 2005

Missed Connections Day

Today is the day of just missed connections. The phone does not seem to be my friend today. Or, more rightly, I have not been a friend to the phone. Somehow I seem to have stepped away from my desk at all the wrong moments, leaving me with the lesser pleasure of the message, when the conversation was what was needed. On top of all that, I am feeling very....uh, can I just say it? Horny. Not a huge fan of that word, but it works, you know?

Okay, okay...put my mind on other things and the body will follow obediently, right? I can tell you what I'm reading now. It is Love, Work, Children. Apparently it is the second title in a planned trilogy. I haven't read the first...and so far am feeling no ill effects. you think? Maybe I'm being punished for reading the second before the first with this case of raging libido! The world is a strange and mysterious place.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

What is My Pirate Name?

My pirate name is:

Iron Mary Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from

Now I feel better, because this is a cool name! Aaarrgghhh! Will I subject you to anymore pirate shenanigans? Not today...

What Kind of Pirate Am I?

Okay, so you're good with treasure, but that's not really enough to call yourself a pirate. You commandeer a ship, not buy one. You force your crew to sign a pledge of allegance, you don't pay them off. Just because you're a rich plantation owner having a mid-life crisis, doesn't mean you can suddenly go rogue pirate and expect people to take you seriously. Being a pirate is about being a smelly, nasty, evil, bloodthirsty, horny bastard. You just don't make the grade. You're the equivilant of a Pirate Nerd!

Link: The What Kind of PIRATE Are You Test

Of course I am heartbroken! Geez, harsh! I thought I was such a rogue! haha :-)


Okay. Say you are used to doing things a certain way...and it really works for you. It is comfortable for you, right? Okay. Now say that someone asks you to do something different. It is a different way to get to something that you want. Not necessarily bad different, but different enough that you are discomfited by the thought of it. Would you do it? Okay...that is way too vague, right? Drat.

Tuesday, November 1, 2005


Did you all have a good Halloween? Mine was a-okay. The work day passed quickly and was quiet. I got off a bit early and went home for trick or treating with my little guy. He was the cutest thing ever in his little businessman suit. He had planned to be an army guy, but the recent acquisition of a sports coat at the thrift store sent that plan packing. I was, of course, still a pirate. We went around our little neighborhood, just he and I, and collected a ginormous amount of can-day. When I went to pick up my daughter from her friend's house, she was lugging a huge bag of candy too! We can all stay on a perpetual sugar high for at least the next couple of life is good.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Friday, October 28, 2005

New Official "Best. Day. Ever."

Just had to say that due to circumstances over which I have complete control, this has been one of my favorite days here on the planet. I can't begin to relay to you how much I NEEDED a day like today. Team C used their time so wisely today that is hard to imagine anything topping it. Gives us something to shoot for, I s'pose....
With love and affection,
L.B. (glowing, sincerely)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Stuff and Things

I am going through a period where I seem to feel compelled to write. I am probably exhibiting something along the lines of bipolar disease...this is like my manic phase. It is not that I have more to say necessarily. I just feel more compelled to place every little thing in writing. For example, I had an overwhelming urge to make note of the fact that Milly and I went to LeRoy's for lunch today. It was delicious as always. Came back to work though, to find that WTG was flaking on picking up the littlest guy from school...and what was I going to do about it? Nice. Anyway, big bro to the rescue, so all was well.

What else? Looking forward to Night Stalker tonight. It couldn't be much less like the original Night Stalker, which I loved as a kid. It is still good n' creepy though. More like the stand alone monster episodes of the X-files (which were the only show I liked in that series) than like anything having to do with the original Night Stalker. Lets face it, there isn't that much to look forward to on television, so I'll takes what I can gets.

Blog Tag

If you read this and blog... Here is what you do:

1. Go to your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence of that post.
4. Post the text of that sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag! You're it!

"Sometimes busy in that drive you mad repetitive way." (23rd post 5th sentence) Makes me sound like a pretty whiny perfect!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Best. Day. Ever.

I just got another phone call! This one was a Team C call to action, so yay! To paraphrase VH1...L.B. is having the best day ever!

It's Madness, I Tell You! Madness!

In the middle of one of the craziest days of the working year. Halloween events here at the library are, for some reason, very, very popular. I did a small program this morning for the littlest ones. Basically about 20 kids 2-4 years old. So sweet. I think they had fun. In 40 minutes or so, I have a second program with about 50 kids attending, then another just like it at 6:30 this evening. The good thing is that it is a fairly simple program, the community loves it, and after 7:30 this evening it will be over :-) There is no real downside, except that for these later program I have to organize volunteers to help and that is almost as much work as everything else combined. All in all, though, good times...and madness, I tell you. Madness.

Oh, and thanks for calling me today, Master Swordsman. Your emails, while interesting, were getting somewhat alarming...well, in a good sort of way, really.

Reading, reading, reading...right now, just started on Into the Fold. I have read a couple of other things by Rachel Cusk. Into the Fold seems the best so far, really. Listening to Mojave 3's "Spoon and Rafter". Mellowy goodness.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Let Me Ask Another Question...

...that probably has no good answer. Where do you stand on the whole issue of dominance and submission? Anyone? Anyone? Ferris?

Questions with No Good Answers

Can I help you?
Is it me?
What was I thinking?

Saturday, October 22, 2005

L.B. Recommends

"What?" you ask, "What does L.B. recommend?" I'll tell you what I recommend...go to the movies, do it soon, see Capote. Wow. I saw it and was just blown away. It was an amazingly powerful, visceral piece of film making. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was astounding as Truman Capote and the other actors involved more than held their own...I can't imagine they could have put together a greater ensemble. The director is a relative unknown named Bennett Miller, although he has been directing commercials for years and studying film since he was a boy. Credit must be given to him for his vision of the story being told. Honestly, I can't recommend it highly enough.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I Hate Shopping

I do. And I'm bad at it. I had to go out at lunchtime today and shop for a birthday present for WTG. Like most people, men especially, when he wants something he usually just buys it for himself. I am not a very astute gift giver, as any number of people can attest. I am pretty ashamed of this, as I feel bad for people I try to give to, plus I feel like it says something about how observant or empathetic or something I am...or rather, am not.
I ended up getting him this. Ah, well.

In other news...lets see...talked to my Team yesterday and that was nice. Got mail from the Poet with some good advice. My weird friend in Florida sent me a message that was completely cryptic. I have no idea what he was talking about. Milly made me some drawrings while she did desktime in exile over here. I'm getting quite a collection! Someday I will put together a retrospective of her work.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Milly Wears Pajamas to Work

She claims that the top she is wearing under her sweater vest is a pajama top. You really can't tell...but still, only Milly can get away with that. I have, on occasion, sported the sweater vest look. Kind of get the Ellen DeGeneres thing going on. Today, however, I am dressed head to toe in black. It is slimming! Really. And speaking of clothes, I am really looking forward to dressing up as a pirate for Halloween. Argh! Avast me hearties! It will be a simple, yet effective costume and I won't scare the children with any bloody scars or things like that. Next week, I will get to be a pirate twice for a total of five, count them five programs. Then, there is actual Halloween, the following week when I can be a pirate yet again! I will either grow to hate my costume or decide to become a full time pirate. Time will tell.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Late Evening Thoughts

It is one of my "late" shifts at work and it is, finally, quiet. It gives me time to ponder all the things that need pondering. Sometimes I feel like such a child. I still find myself wanting things I can't have and having things I don't want. I think I want this or that and when I get it, it isn't at all like I had expected or hoped for. My life is full of yearning, which sounds so dramatic, but is really just sort of...sad.
I read and read to keep my mind active without actually having to think in a self actualizing sort of way. I watch television to take me a step further away from myself. We all do it...or most of us do, right? Work, run around, tend to our children, read, watch tv, turn up the radio...don't think, don't think, don't think...
Reading: Totally Joe
Feeling: Pensive
Smelling: Cedarwood Sage body lotion from Bath & Body Works Apparently discontinued, but you get the idea. Hiss boo.


Since in my last post I focused on my problems I thought it might be nice to balance that with some of the good things in my life.
1. Always at #1, my kids, in spite of any problems! They are still the best thing I have going on.
2. Milly and the DMBs
3. D.R.
4. An undending supply of books.
5. Music, wherever I find it.
6. Getting dirty.
7. Team C's antics.
Aw, there is so much more good than bad in my life. How can I complain?

Friday, October 14, 2005


1. Son who needs some additional guidance right now. Our relationship has always been a bit delicate and now I am balancing between trying to give him space and freedom, while still insisting on certain "house rules".

2. Feeling that endless grinding aspect of my work at this time, for some reason...I just don't see a restorative break approaching. Not exactly overwhelmed, just maybe drawn slightly too thin.

3. $$$. This one is always around to varying degrees. Holiday dread creeping.

4. Loneliness. I'm seldom alone, but have been feeling a bit isolated from what might be called meaningful interactions. Too many superficial encounters and rote exchanges. At times I feel like I would give a year off my life to just be able to put my arms around someone, rest my head on their chest, and just draw some genuine comfort.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

How I Look to Me

This is me. A clown. A juggler.
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Or I am sometimes this. A dancing bear.
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I think of myself like this. A little superhero with spunk and enough anger to provide momentum.
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Contemplating Orientation

Right about now I am feeling extremely nauseated from my lunch of Chex Mix. I really wish I had had the tomato soup instead.
Wednesdays tend to be kind of suckous anyway...add a little illness to the brew and you've got one crotchety grrrrl. Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post....

On the way to work today I was listening to Morrissey. His song "All the Lazy Dykes" always makes me consider lesbianism. It sounds quite fab when he talks about it. And last night on the watery Sex and the City that they show on channel 5 at 11, it was about Charlotte hanging out with a group of Power Lesbians. Sometimes, I swear, I can fully appreciate the lifestyle. Its a shame, really, how much I, a certain something that the ladies don't come equipped with....

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

This One is From Me

Looking for proof that truth exists
I shine the blinding light of imagination
Into the darkest recesses of my bleeding heart
I see that there is more, much more hiding there
Than I had, in my innocence, assumed
I see that it will take time, time, effort, time
To plumb the unfathomable depths of that dark heart
Shall I begin the journey? Seek fearlessly?
Will you come with me?

This One is For Me

Hidden between
Short stories and fiction

Lies a segment of
The imagination

That floats with ease
Pausing momentarily

To read between the lines
And solely feel

No catalogue or
Decimal system

Exists that comes
Close to what lies deep

In the stacks
Of the soul of a woman

Monday, October 10, 2005

Another Chance

Monday can be a difficult, overwhelming day as I contemplate getting through the next week. However, it also feels like a chance to start again fresh. It takes some effort, but I do try to stay optimistic about the beauty of a clean slate. Of course, at this stage of life, no slate is ever truly clean...there are, at very least, smudges and stains on it. Still, sometimes it is possible to think that...well, that anything is possible. I need so much for that to be true. And, in my better moments, I can believe that it is.
Right now I am reading Hazards of Sleeping Alone. So far, I am enjoying it very much. I've also been compiling a mental list for a mix cd that I will probably never make :-)

Saturday, October 8, 2005

M.I.A. and Happy Birthday #2 Son!

Sorry to anyone who may actually read my blog for being missing for these past few days. I have tried so to be consistant in posting, but sometimes I'm just not on the ball, so to speak.
My second oldest baby is turning 19 today. He is such an unknown to me, so quiet and private. He can do anything he wants to do, but I have no idea what it will be...
Anyway, just a quick note for posterity :-) I'll do something more deep and meaningful on Monday.
And a shout out to Markie Mark with thanks for calling today. Thrilling.

Tuesday, October 4, 2005

Tail End of the Day

This day is finally almost over. I say finally, but it hasn't really been all that bad. Not too much desk time, not too much in the way of extra work on my plate, and I am continuing to feel much better than I did last week.
Started a new book yesterday. It is called 26a. I'm enjoying it very much, though I haven't gotten far just yet.
The Ditty Bops are still living in the CD player in my car. I appreciate my commute time because I can listen to whatever I want as many times as I want. When I am taxi-ing, I pretty much give the sound system over to my passengers. They tend to favor 20 on 20 stuff or hearing something raptastic. I've nothing in particular against either of those things, but I have my own pleasures musically. So commute time is me time. hee hee!

Monday, October 3, 2005

L.B. Gets Her Groove Back

No, it wasn't a younger man. I should be so lucky! I'm just recovering from last week's hideous cold or whatever that was and feeling much more chipper. Saturday I did some yard work tagteam fashion with my fab teenage son. I have to say he is about the most helpful of any of that reckless feckless flock. (My children are not really either of those things, but don't the words have a nice ring to them?) Anyway, we even had a little barbeque that evening, so that was pretty cool.
On Sunday, I got up and went out for breakfast with Milly and KK (my former boss and current friend) We went to Twohey's Image Hosted by
It was a yummy breakfast and it was so awesome to catch up with KK, who has been a busy, busy woman lately.
Got back home before the day had even really begun around there and spent it pretty quietly. So, I'm feeling rested enough to get through another week of...whatever.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Sleepy Nappy Time, Please.

Will this day ever end? I am about 5.5 hours into my 9 hour day and I do not know how I'm going to make it! I honestly don't remember the last time I felt so sleepy! I guess it is just sinus congestion, although I don't really feel bad right now....just incredibly heavy-lidded. Possibly the effect of an antihistimine I took earlier today. I went outside at lunchtime, hoping the sun would revive me, like a lizard or snake. I did feel pretty good while I was out there, but once I got back inside I wilted again. I am trying hard not to even blink too much, because once my eyes close, they don't want to open again. Half of today, then one more day to get through...I am so going to sleep in on Saturday. Maybe I'll feel more chipper by then. Being tired like this makes me feel, uh, tired...but also makes me feel down. It makes me wish for something fun to be going on...and its not!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Self- Control Anyone?

Where is mine? I just can't seem to get on board with the self-control thing. Damn. I seem to keep doing things that would suggest I should just get hold of myself, but instead I do what I want to do right at the moment. Not the grown-up thing to do. I kind of justify myself to myself in my head by saying that there are many constraints on the way I can live my life, so I should be allowed to do the small things that bring me pleasure. That isn't true, though. Having limitations doesn't free you from having to abide by OTHER limitations! Also, please recognize that I recognize that mea cupla-ing it up in here doesn't excuse me either! Will I get a grip? Honestly, probably not at this exact point in time. Someday...maybe. Introspection sort of sucks. I should stay shallow.

Reading: Thumbsucker
Listening to: The Ditty Bops
Eating: Peanutbutter crackers and an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie
Drinking: Starbucks bottled Mocha Frappuchino
Feeling: Tired and stuffy headed

Monday, September 26, 2005

Now, a Proper Post

Okay, maybe not proper, but longer? More dishy. Okay, maybe not dishy. I gots no dish today.
Over the weekend I did get out to the movies. I went out to my favorite small theater in Pasadena and saw Thumbsucker I enjoyed the performances very much. I always like Tilda Swinton. Vincent D'Ononfrio was good. Keanu Reeves found a perfect role, as did Vince Vaughn. Kinda uncool cool soundtrack.
I also found myself between books, so I pulled out the book that I had just pimped to an acquaintance as being a favorite of mine.Still Life With Woodpecker This is a book that I read when it first came out when I was about 17 or 18. Tom Robbins' style and wit totally changed the way I looked at reading...and writing for that matter. I enjoy it to this day. I like his other books as well, but this was the first of his that I read and it holds a special place in my heart.

Me So Dumb Bunny

Okay, this is, for the record, my third attempt to publish from my email to my blog.  Dear R. was is easy, IF you put in the right email addy.  Um, duh.  But here I am!  Posting from my email!  Coolness.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Am I Evil? Just a Quiz :-)

I am 19% evil.

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I try to stay away from evil deeds but succumb to temptation every once in a while. I'm not quite on my way to hell but I certainly have some explaining to do.

Are you evil? find out at

Thursday, September 22, 2005

I (heart) Long Lunches

Everyone needs a long lunch every now and again. You can't take them too often, or you draw attention to yourself and people resent you and your bad time managing ways. Every so often though it is a little slice of heaven to sneak away for just a bit longer than your average sandwich and sody pop lunch. I recommend it. Get yourself some good company, finesse your way out, making it difficult for anyone around to know EXACTLY when you left...then...linger. Enjoy an oasis in the desert of your day. We deserve it.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Blogging is All About the Secrets

Someone shared a link with me today to a really cool blog. By all means, check it out for yourself. So many people's secrets could be my own...our secrets are universal to some degree. And if your secret is not so universal, then lets face it, it is probably quite horrible, right?

Been a busy day here in the Land of Fun & Learning. Two peeps out sick, so lay it on the healthy ones so hard that they won't be healthy for long! haha! Neh, its cool. People get sick, whatever. I personally find that I get more rest here than if I try to stay home. No pity to be found there :-)

My happy news is that I am once again up for a Secret Mission tomorrow. It has been far too long since the last meeting of Team C, so there will be plenty of catching up to do and not much time in which to fit in all that needs to be accomplished. Lets see how it goes.

Monday, September 19, 2005

School of Rawk

Stuff to say, but some days I just can't seem to get here for some quality face time. So, let me fill in the past couple of days....Friday went from beginning disasterously to ending well. Early in the day, I was getting acrimonious phone calls from WTG, as he knew I had plans to go out in the evening. He feels it is my responsibility as a mother to be sitting at home when I am not at work. To some degree, yeah, I agree. I have plenty to do at home, always. However, when I gave birth, I didn't exactly sign away the rights to having an actual life outside of the home, did I? I'll answer, I didn't. Especially now that my kids are getting bigger. Two of them are adults! Oh, dear...where was I? Defending my right to take a few hours off on a Friday night. Okay, so, the day was sucky with "discussions". The concert, however, was tres cool. The venue is quite intimate. It was packed. The place is all standing. We found a great place on these risers sort of to the side/back of the room with an excellent view and a nice railing to lean on. When we went to check out the t-shirts and posters, there were a couple of the band members out selling their stuff! That was a nice touch. The opening band was called Sons and Daughters Very energetic and Scottish. The lead singer girl danced like Elaine in Seinfeld :-) Then...The Decemberists! Such a fun show...tended toward the mellow. They had some amusing banter and really interacted with the crowd. I had a completely good time! I only wish they would have played "Mariner's Revenge". Ah, well.

Saturday evening I took my littles out to a drive in with the big one and his family. We saw "Just Like Heaven" and "Red Eye", so that was rather a suckfest. It only cost $5 total to get in, though, and the movies were fine for everyone to see. Actually "Just Like Heaven" was moderately cute...mainly because of the actors. I like me some Mark Ruffalo.

This morning, I worked at the Book Fair at my daughter's school. That was a good time and reminded me of my stay at home days when I got to do all the school stuff. Now I have to fit in the occasional odd project around my work schedule. When I do get a chance to help out, though, I always find it great fun. The other moms are nice to talk to and the kids are usually lovely and polite to the PTA ladies.

Wow, this has been rambling. I'll take pity on any reading and finish for tonight. Final note, I have just finished reading Superstud: How I Became a 24 Year Old Virgin by the hilariously sweet Paul Feig. Now, I am starting Speaking with the Angel. Finally out of my maggie-zine rut and reading bookish stuff again.

Oh! By the way...Avast ye mateys! Shiver me timbers, ya scurvy scum, it be Talk Like a Pirate Day! Aaaaarrrggghhhhh!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Quick and The Dead

This is going to be quick (yes, that is emerging as a pattern) and I am feeling dead (well, at least half). Been busy with the usual work stuff, preparing for the fall storytime sessions. This evening was my first time, and it went fine. The first ones are always somewhat confusing as new kids get used to the routines, but they quickly shape up :-) Aside from work, I have been, on the recommendation of a couple of friends, checking out the wonder that is Craigslist. Interesting place. As for reading, can't seem to get off the magazines as of late. That seems okay though, given how much I usually read, right? Yeah, right. I am about ready to head for home, so I'll write again tomorrow. Possibly in more depth? We'll see, won't we. xo

Monday, September 12, 2005


A quickie can be fun. This one promises to be just as uninspired as my longer entries though. Just wanted to stop in and show my face, so to speak. Sunday ended up being a quiet day, but I am still feeling at bit dragged out. My littlest son just called through the front desk and told Smiley, who answered the phone, that he was my husband. Made me laugh. That little Oedipus. Ha! No, he just thought it might help him get through more effectively I think. Smiley found it funny too....and all he ended up wanting to ask waw whether I would give him ice cream money tomorrow. I hope my next husband asks me nice questions like that :-) haha! Argh, my mind is turning to mush. Too much telly and not enough reading...I'm just too tired and distracted. I'll be back in form soon, I hope.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Is It Naptime Yet?

I am so dragging ass today. Every year I forget how tiring it is re-entering the school year. The activity level around the house rises, I can't ease into my day, and the evenings are marred by the constant low level dread of homework needing to be attended to. Homework is just killer.
As a result, I haven't done much reading. I'm actually still working on The Perfect Play. Well, that and lots of magazines lately, which feel more manageble to me in the small chunks of time I have for reading.
Also, my oldest son and his little family have been over several evenings this week. Having him there is not the problem...or not "problem"....thats not the word I want...but his girlfriend and the baby are quite time consuming. She is so happy to have someone pay attention to the baby and give her a little break, that it is impossible to ignore them and go about my business. Of course, much more of these long visits and I may find myself hardening my heart.
I had so much to do on my day off yesterday, but got virtually none of it done. Now, I am faced with a Sunday of stuff I wish were over with :-)

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Existential Angst

Feeling it today. Had a HUGE fight with the WTG last night. Mean, nasty f*ck, he is. Ick, gotta shake that feeling off and find a way to enjoy this one life that I am being offered in the here and now. I cannot let this overwhelm me.

I got a phone call today from a friend in Florida. He is such a strange, but cool person. We are actually only cyber and phone friends, but I have known him for several years and we seem to have a certain bond between us. I think if we spent some time together IRL we would probably fight a lot, because we have very different views on some fundamental issues. As it is, though, our friendship has endured and I often find cause to be glad that we've stayed in touch. Additionally, on days like today, I am so deeply grateful for any kindness or signs of goodness in the world.

Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day...and R., if you are reading this, my thought are there with you and your family. Mpwat!

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Luuuuucy, I'm Home!

Back from six days off from toil and trouble, in a manner of speaking. It was nice to have the time away, but at the same time, due to circumstances at home, I was rather glad to be back. The only way WTG and I can stay in the same house is if we basically don't spend any time together. Three of my days off coincided with him being there and it really sort of sucked balls. Ah, well. Nothing to be done about any of that, so moving on....

Anyway, my kids are back in school and all is well, so far. My daughter likes her classes, my teenage son tolerates his, and my little one seems happy so far. He has a teacher that one of my older boys also had. I think the two of them will be fine together, so that is a relief after what we went through last year.

I have so much on my mind lately, but no one to really talk to about it. I will try to set it down here, I suppose. It doesn't help in that I am really talking to myself here...but it does help in that at least I can get the thoughts out of my head and into a more solid form where they might make more sense to me....I don't know.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Weather is Here. Wish You Were Lovely.

Just wanted to send out my love and affection before I go off on my quasi-vacation. I wish that I were actually going away for a genuine vacation, but I guess just time off from the mills will have to do. I am going to need a book or two to tide me over, but haven't made a choice yet. I have been reading lightish stuff lately...seems to be what is appealing to me right now. While I'm off, I hope to catch an actual movie, watch some of the stuff I've Tivo'd, and maybe treat myself to a new CD or two.

Okay, okay...I got a chance to peruse the shelves and I picked up The Perfect Play. I also grabbed After You'd Gone. Those should give me something to chew on for the next few days in the wilderness of the homestead.

Loves all y'all and will see you soon.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Who's My Famous Blogger Twin? Another Quiz :-)

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door
With more than a touch of geekiness

Saturday, August 27, 2005

How Weird Am I? Not Very.

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people...
But sometimes you scare yourself.

Almost Vacay Time!

I am so in need of some time off from this gig. As usual, I am extending the long Labor Day weekend into something approximating a vacation. I end up getting six days in a row off, for the price of three. At least one of those days will surely include some sort of private mom celebration for the kids starting back to school. It has been a good summer for the most part, but it will also be nice to feel that my kids are doing something productive each day. Not that a little R'n'R can't be productive, but you know how kids can be....
My son in high school and my daughter in middle school have gotten their schedules and are happy. Now, I just have to see what teacher my third grader will get. Fingers crossed that through fortuitous happenstance he will get a kind, nurtuting educator who will engage him in the learning process.

Just picked out a new book. Its called Goodnight Steve McQueen. I was willing to give it a try for the title the blurb on the front references High Fidelity, so there you go!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

More Lunch, Not So Random

Just got back from a nice lunch with a couple of my girls. Nice spicy arrabiata penne at this new place we wanted to try. It was right tasty, I tells ya. As a bonus in the category of "Eating" in today's game, we will be having rootbeer floats for our monthly staff event this afternoon. Guess I'll be able to skip dinner tonight....
And, hey! Guess who could possibly join the staff here? My #2 son! He has a job, but doesn't adore it. We're recruiting for a "shelving management" position right now, so I encouraged him to apply. Yesterday he took the written test (with about 25 other people), so we'll see what happens next. It would be so cool to see him here! I think that even though the work is kind of tedious, he would probably like it better than what he is doing now.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Draggin' @$$

Feeling all worn down today. I stayed up too late and probably haven't had enough stimulation today. Plus, I sat downstairs in the nap room, in the semi-dark, eating peanutbutter crackers and reading at lunchtime. Its all working against me. Even the bottled frappuccino isn't helping at this point.

Yesterday's lunch, as it turns out, was very nice, very pleasant. We actually didn't talk about work specifically much at all. We ended up going to Mimi's Cafe. It was crowded, the service was a bit slow, but the food was pretty delish...except for the coleslaw...bleck! I am all about KFC's coleslaw. Others are weak imitations.

I have just begun reading Love Monkey Its looking like one of those 'can't put it down' books! As you know, I do like to keep my mind occupied.

I am missing, so much, what I had with Long Distance Guy. We still email, but it isn't like it used to be. I miss feeling loved, even from afar...and I miss having someone to feel love towards. Not that I don't love is just different, of course, when it is not reciprocated in the same way.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Lunch with Random People

Today is our departmental lunch outing in celebration of finishing the Summer Reading Program in one piece. I like going out to lunch and I like the people in my department. It is just that I'm not all stoked about spending my lunch hour talking to the people I see all day about the stuff we talk about all day. Maybe I can guide the conversation astray.

In other news, to use the term loosely, I saw The 40 Year Old Virgin I thought is was very funny and really enjoyed it. Steve Carrell is my new comic idol. I actually find him really attractive too....

As for reading, right now I am quickly and with great pleasure reading Plain Jane.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Days like today...

...are what make the world go 'round for me. Big thanks to Team C. You're awesome and cool and you know who you are! xoxo

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Quiet Time

It has been nice here at work to be able to have some quiet time. One of the main reasons for that isn't that the public has stopped coming in (not a chance). It is more that we don't have round-the-clock shifts of teen volunteers wandering around back in our offices trying to look busy.

Nice lunch today at the fabulous LeRoy's. The tots were extra crispy - yum!

Hoping for good stuff tomorrow. Fingers, and nothing else, crossed.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Call from the Governor

Not in a Terminator kind of way. I just meant that I have gotten a reprieve, in the form of a phone call. Team C will be meeting this week for some highly covert maneuvers. If not for these secret missions I would fall even more deeply into the pit of despair. Not to be dramatic or anything....

Plus, lunch tomorrow with Little Bear and another Friend of Ours.

Plus, plus, I just finished Dating Big Bird. Nice light reading. Today, I began How to be Good. Yeah, working my way through the Hornby oeuvre :-) Couldn't properly be called work as I enjoy it so much...

Monday, August 15, 2005

Monday, Monday, can't trust that day

*whew* I am decompressing still from Saturday's madness. It was crazy busy at work, but it is over, over over! Brought my daughter to work with me and she was actually a huge help. My oldest and his little 'family' dropped by also, luckily at the end of the day when it was winding down.

Yesterday was fine. I did get to see a great movie. Broken Flowers I am so, so into the mature Bill Murray. Damn.

Today, I am fighting with WTG. If there were a way to remove him from my life, it would be done. Everytime I think of my alternatives, though, I see myself living in a room in someone else's house and "visiting" my kids and I just shrivel inside. I just have to get through the next few years. Sometimes I am filled with such regret about decisions that I made, or things I let happen to me. What is the use of that, though. Better just to try to find pleasure in the here and now.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Soooooo Tired

I need to go to bed at a decent hour at some point. I am incredibly tired today. Tomorrow is a day off, but I suspect it will be jam packed with other people's activities. I just feel so guilty when I fall asleep too early. There is so much that needs to be done, and sons wandering in and out until fairly late....

Had my big Tween Party at work yesterday, and can safely call it a rousing success. It did go well, and was not all too strenuous to put together. Now that I am past that, there is just this Saturday (with 3 performance times offered) to get through and SRP is more or less over. Just dealing with incidental fall out for the next couple of weeks. Actually, next week I am scheduled to call in for possible jury duty. I am hoping I won't have to go in at all, but if I do I plan on just making it the one day. If I go in one day and don't get put on a jury, I'll be finished. If they try to place me on a jury, I plan to make it impossible to accept me there. I just have no desire to do my civic duty at this time, sorry.

I started another book by an author that I usually like. It is called Blessings So far, I am not loving it. It is okay...not unreadable, so I will finish before passing judgement. It could just be a slow starter.

Listening to: Queen's Greatest Hits (yes, I love them) at this moment...Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy....
~/o Oooohhhh, let me feel your heartbeat grow faster, faster!~/o

Tuesday, August 9, 2005


Sometimes, it isn't what I hoped it would be. Not even close.
Sometimes, it is more amazing than I could have imagined. By far.
Sometimes, it is like some horrible, out of sync, jerky dance.
Sometimes, it flows like water, cool, clear, and deep.
Sometimes, it frightens me and makes me feel empty.
Sometimes, it brings me such joy that I feel full to bursting with laughter/tears.
Sometimes, it is this.
Sometimes, it is that.
But, it is always Life.

Monday, August 8, 2005


SRP is down to its last week! I am in awe of us for making it through with no major problems or breakdowns. What an incredible relief.

On the home front, I am trying hard to maintain my even keel, my serene facade. All in all, things are okay. It is just the daily little irritations that threaten my peace, nothing major at this time. For example, on Sat., I took my two youngest to visit with my oldest at his new place. WTG calls us up, all indignant, telling me the house is falling apart without me there tending to things. Right! Whatever. Such a miserable person. I just pretty much blew it off and we went about out business...didn't get home until around midnight. The next day, yesterday, nothing was really said about it. He had to know that he had been an ass. He had more bitching to do about other things, but I am getting better and better at just tuning him out :-) Boy, the things we do for the sake of our children....

Just finished the Murakami short stories and really enjoyed them. I'm not sure what I'll read next, but fully intend to take someone home with me tonight. Yes, its true, I am such a book slut.

Ooooohhh, I know what else! I talked to a key member of Team C on Friday. That always helps me feel better. Looks like another secret mission may be at least a week away, but I can deal with that. Just knowing the possibility exists is useful to me and my sense of well being.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Happy Birthday, Dear #1 Son

My oldest son is officially no longer a teenager. Does this mean I'm getting old? Unquestionably, yes. However, I sometimes still feel like a slip of a girl, and those "sometimes" will surely get me through the days...

My exciting news is that I finally got TiVo! It is the funnest, easiest thing. I have already gone through and using my favorite actors as starting points found lots of things to record. And just because I record them, doesn't mean I have to actually find time to watch them. And I probably won't :-) Its just cool to have.

I'm reading another short story collection. This one is called The Elephant Vanishes. I have only read a couple so far, but I'm enjoying it. Big Murakami fan here.

Wednesday, August 3, 2005


My LD guy and I seem to have reached a sort of pact. We will be friends, exchanging more casual emails instead of having more like conversations. No expectations, because, as it turns out, I expect way too much. I know I would rather have him in my life as a friendly pen pal than not at all, so I guess that is how it will be.

Just finished reading A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You. Just loved it. Short stories can be such perfect little gems at times. When they are good, they are soooo good. I feel an affinity for the short story, too, because it seems more like something I could do. Truly, though, I am so obviously not an actual writer. It is one of my favorite fantasies though! Since childhood, I have liked to think of myself as a writer. It seems a harmless indulgence :-)

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Dull Roar

That is the sound outside the office door. When I am at the desk, outside of the office, the sound upgrades to a sort of controlled hysteria.
Ah, Sat. in the Lib. ...what a pleat and a treasure it is.

Not much to report (is there ever?) Just trying to hang through the next few weeks of summer. It has it's definite good points, such as the chances to sleep in and get a slower start in the mornings. However, I do feel a little better when my children don't have quite so much free least the younger three.

#2 son finally got a job and begins gainful employment next Tuesday. We also have to get on the ball and get him enrolled at Citrus. #3 Son, coincidentally, is scheduled to take his Driving Test on that same day. What a day, huh?

Still meandering through Family Pictures. Tomorrow night is Six Feet Under, Entourage, and The Comeback . Oh, and Friday there were several episodes of Arrested Development on! Woo-hoo! The TV gods, they smile.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

End in Sight

Only two more weeks (or very nearly) left in SRP 2005. It is starting to seem that the end is indeed in sight. Of course, it never really ends. There is the rehashing of the most recent SRP, comments and suggestions for next year and the planning for it begins again, hard core, in January. But, you know my thoughts on unpleasantness....let it go, at least for now.

Not much cooking otherwise. Home life is fine, all things considered. I'm feeling a bit broody, because my oldest son is getting ready to move into an apartment with his girlfriend. He'll be 20 in just a week, so it is certainly within reason that he would want to move out...that is actually exactly how old I was when I moved out. I feel like I am pretty prepared for them to start moving in this other direction (namely away from me). Still, change is almost always hard in one way or another.

Right now I am reading, for the umpteenth time Family Pictures. It is a very...involved book. It has been one of those ones I can reread with pleasure time after time. I do always feel rather silly rereading something when I have so much that I haven't gotten to on my "To Read" list. At the same time, it can be very relaxing to just enjoy something that you KNOW is good. I guess I need a bit of comfort at this time.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Oblidi Oblida

Life goes on :-) Been busy, busy, busy and of course that is a great help when you're feeling bummed. My circus hours have been very well attended and I feel like the patrons are, for the most part, genuinely enjoying them. That means a lot to me. I've been reading and reading. I ended up starting with The Ice Queen and then moving onto A Long Way Down. I am very close to being done with that...guess I might as well not bother with LD guy's pick as he no longer speaks to me...but lets not go there! Focus on the good and the cool! Like...going to lunch tomorrow with my little bear friend Milly. Nuttin' fancy. Maybe just all-you-can-eat at Shakey's. Maybe chicken pot pie at Moffatt's. Whatever.

Oh, I know what I haven't mentioned. I saw a really good movie last Saturday! It was called Happy Endings I haven't seen a movie I enjoyed as much in sooooo long. I highly recommend that you check it out. Lisa Kudrow! You know, Phoebe was usually my least favorite Friend, but seeing her in the movies that she has done, and in her new series The Comeback, I have to say that I am becoming a huge fan.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Falling Apart

My online "love" life seems to be falling apart. LD guy...I think he's through with me. I cannot let this bring me down the way it feels like it could...I just can't go through it like that. I don't have the resources to deal with it emotionally, you know? I am just going to have to live through it without letting it really register. Am I being oblique? I only mean that I am going to be sailing the river Denial for the next little bit, so bear with me. This, too, shall f*cking pass.

Friday, July 22, 2005

TGIF- How Original!

I am pretty glad it is Friday, in spite of the unoriginality of the sentiment. I mean, it hasn't been a bad week, all in all. In fact, it has had its definite bright spots. It will be nice to have a couple of down days, though, and that is exactly how I intend to spend the next two days...laying low and taking it easy peasy.

I have two new books in my bag, but haven't decided which I will read first. One is Long Way Down. The other one is The Ice Queen. They each have much to recommend them, so it will be hard to choose what to hit first! Life is so rich and yummy :-)

Have a nice weekend, you rascals!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Harry Potter is a Little Wanker

No, not really! Well, sort of...I mean, I'm just not into the whole phenomenom. In my line of work, though, the correct thing to do is to put personal preferences aside and celebrate anything that encourages children's love of reading. It is fun to see kids excited about a book. I just don't get it, though. What is it about these particular books? If I had to guess, based on my cynical view of things, I would say it was superior marketing. I only bring this whole thing up, because the sixth book came out last Saturday, so it is all the talk here at work. Also, today we are doing 3 sessions (up to 75 kids in each) of a Harry Potter themed party. Kids can't get enough of it. Happy to report that none of MY children are particular fans :-) heh heh!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Whew, I am feeling fine, thank you very much. You ever have one of those days? As my old friend Mick says, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need." Aaaaahhhhhhh!

Moving on, I am double reading again. I had just started on Ian McEwan's A Child in Time.
Not an easy read, but I do enjoy McEwan's mind. On the recommendation of my dear friend, called here Long Distance guy (among other things) I have also picked up Obsession. This one, I haven't officially begun, but have big plans for this evening.

Okay, gots to goes....signing off with a "Yeah, Baby!" in honor of Six Feet Under.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The good is: Secret Mission for tomorrow got the thumbs up. Yes!
The bad is: My 'puter is on the fritz. No!
The ugly is: W. and his effing insanity. F*ck!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Monday, Monday

And so, another weeks begins! Still counting down...Four more weeks. See how managable it is getting? It is beyond wonderful to feel that the end is in sight.

The rest of my life is as it should be, I suppose. I do continue to feel gratitude that my kids are all behaving themselves, thus far, over the course of this hot, hot summer. Friendships are being maintained to a satisfactory degree for all parties, I think...although I am starting to think I had the wrong end of the stick with Long Distance Guy. That seems to be making its way towards a more fraternal thing than a red hot love affair. Thats fine, or rather, it has to be fine. When there is so much space involved it becomes more than difficult to insist on something more...

No secret mission last week, due to sudden complications wrought by sun and other circumstances. I remain hopeful, however, that this week will be more fruitful. Circumspectly speaking, those secret missions save my sanity.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Take Your Kid to Work Day

Today, I had to bring my youngest son to work with me for a couple of hours. He is getting big enough that it is really not a problem, although a couple of hours is the most he can happily handle. It is always fun, but sort of unsettling to have any of my kids here at work with me. It is like worlds colliding, you know?

Yesterday evening, I took my two youngest kids and my nephew to see the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie. We met my oldest son, his girlfriend & her baby girl there. We all really liked it. I love me some Johnny Depp, as any right thinking person does. It was fun to watch, with the production designs and all, plus it was a more twisted take on the tale. It didn't "feel" exactly like Roald Dahl, as Tim Burton has a pretty stong vision himself, but if certainly seemed to better reflect Roald Dahl's dark sensibilities.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Sane Things in an Insane World

1. My Fabulous Children
2. Pirates
3. Bears
4. Circus Life
5. Tutus
6. Shaking My Sillies Out
7. Email
8. Books
9. Monkeys
11.Secret Missions

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Hump Day

I always loved that name for Wednesday. Over the hump and it is all downhill to the of course you get to hump all you want, right?

Just finished circus hour and will soon be going out with the Ladies Who Lunch. We will, of course, be hitting the ever popular LeRoys. Tater tots sound mighty good right now.

Still making my way throughThe Wind-up Bird Chronicles. I have also begun About a Boy I am reading the first at home, for now, and the second is coming back and forth in my big bag o'stuff to work...which I better get back to :-)

Monday, July 11, 2005

Five Weeks and Still Counting

It seems that in spite of everything time is, indeed, passing! Right now, I feel that is a good thing. Sometimes not so much. Sometimes it flies by much too quickly, but right now it can move like lightning!

Another weekend down, with surprising little drama or trauma. Thanks for small favors, right? Looking forward to some nice things this week, such as lunch with my girls and, hopefully, a secret mission before the week is out.

Right now I am reading The Wind-up Bird Chronicles I actually read it once a while ago, but it is one of those books definitely worth taking another look at. It is pretty complex and tells and very multi-layered story. I am looking forward to reading some of Haruki Murakami's other books soon. I also have some Nick Hornby books on my "to read" list. Well, my "to read" list is pretty out of hand, but I plug away at it when I can.

Friday, July 8, 2005

In the Pink

Thankfully, I am feeling better today. Got a bit of talk time in yesterday with my 3,000 mile man. Got a phone call I needed to get. Got a good night's sleep. All contributing to my renewed good spirits.

Been reading, reading, reading as usual. Right now I'm working on Eleanor Rigby by the always interesting Douglas Coupland. Before that I reread Susan Howatch's divine Wheel of Fortune That is always time consuming and engrossing.

Trying to get tickets to a Decemberists show in September at the Glass House in Pomona, but not sure if that is going to work out...

Aside from that, just looking forward to another fabulous weekend of ennui and angst.

Thursday, July 7, 2005

I've Got the Blues

Feeling a bit down lately. I can't seem to make a good connection with Long Distance guy. Through a series of unfortunate events, we just sort of keep missing each other. It is difficult, at the best of times, being in a long distance relationship. When communication breaks down, though, the situation becomes even more fraught with complications. How do you keep that "together" feeling with someone that you not only never actually see, but also speak to less and less? Love is strong, but it needs to be least that is how it seems to work for me. Here's hoping that things get better soon. I don't want to lose him.

Saturday, July 2, 2005

THE place to be

Apparently, every other Saturday, I am so there! Or here, as the case may be.

The blow up at home that I was anticipating did show up yesterday...but in the end these explosions never change a thing, so it is hard for me to get too worked up over them anymore. My life is turning me into some sort of cold hard beeyotch...but I am hoping to regain my sweetness someday.

Have a happy Independence Day all y'all! xoxo

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Long Time No Blog!

Ah, nice to be here blogging. Haven't been neglecting the blog through lack of desire, but rather lack of time and, possibly, energy. I've been thinking about you, though, I promise.

SNAFU, you know? Work life is a whirlwind of activity. Home life...mostly good, with one big, fat bad part. Not much I can do to really change either environment right now, so I'm just gonna ride, ride, ride.

Hey! I went to a concert on Sunday evening! I had so much fun! It was at the Hollywood Bowl and we had these good seats. Its such a cool, casual venue. You are just sitting outdoors on these benches. Everybody brings food and wine and stuff. I was with my little bear friend and her pretend parents the S's. The show consisted of Si*Se of NYC , The Arcade Fire , and David Byrne . All I can say is Damn. It was a party. I had, like, half a cup of wine and that got me all happy. Danced my butt off (don't I wish).

Friday, June 24, 2005


I am one of the many enthusiastic fans of the movie Sideways. When I saw it at the movies, I just loved it. It held up to a dvd rewatch. A real sweet little picture that did very well. I don't know how it was that I hadn't read the book before...and when I did, it was only because I had happened upon it here at my place of business. I am about half way through at this point and really enjoying it. The movie followed along with the plot, at least thus far, fairly closely. The characters are, appearance-wise, very different from their on screen selves. As I am reading, I picture them as I saw them, but then there will be some detail that comes up that doesn't match. Nothing wrong with that, as how the characters look is the least of the casting director's tends to be more about capturing their essence, which is totally cool.

Hmmmm...what else? Looking forward to the weekend, somewhat. Not looking forward to the fight I am facing with the baby daddy @$$hole, but that is an old fight that will probably never end. I am looking forward to a concert on Sunday evening with my best bear friend and a couple of her cool friends. It is officially called KCRW World Music Festival, but we are mostly going for Arcade Fire. I'm so excited! (I have tipped my hand, no doubt, that I don't get out much...)

Last, but not least, I will cryptically report that the lunchtime mission came off beautifully yesterday. Thanks again to Team C for your endurance and impeccable timing.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Not a whole heck of a lot that is of any interest to anyone, including me. Let me show you what I have been reading...
Last weekend I finished Joe College I had actually read this before, but it is one of those eminently rereadable books. Tom Perrotta is just awesome. I also highly recommend Election and Little Children. Right now, I am reading a book of short stories called Eating Naked
In other news, there are plans afoot for another lunchtime mission. Will it come off? Stay tuned. Yeah, right.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Living La Vida Loca

Yes, it is one crazy, crazy life. haha! Or at least it is a very busy life at the moment. I had some days off last week, but they were crammed full of activity. Last Wednesday, my second oldest son graduated from High School. That was so cool and the best thing was seeing him so excited and happy. After some down time, off to the salt mines for him! bwahahahaha! Saturday was my third son's 16th birthday and he had a HUGE party. I was actually at work that day (where it was ridiculously busy) so I missed the actual party. I did do the shopping and stuff and apparently it was a great success. Rah! Sunday was Father's Day. We kept it low key as my childrens' father had been involved in the other celebrations, so was happy to just be left alone with his telephone and television...the joys of his life.
After making it through all the family parties, I was almost relieved to be back on my regular schedule this week. However, when I walked in the door today it was all madness. Ugh. Eight more weeks. Tick tock.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Pervasive Exhaustion

Thats the weather in my body and mind. Glad to be having a couple of days off coming up, but suspect (really, know) that they aren't going to be even slightly rejuvenating. Boo hoo hoo :-]

Onward...I am reading Enduring Love
A year or so ago, I read another of Ian McEwan's novels and enjoyed it quite a bit. I like this one even better. I know that it was also made into a movie, but I haven't yet seen it. Perhaps after I finish the book I will seek out a DVD and see how the two compare. I rarely like a movie more than a book, although there has been at least one instance I can think of, wherein the movie seemed richer than the book. The one that comes instantly to mind is The Hours. I actually saw the movie first, then read the book. Usually when you do that, you find out things that you could never have guessed at from the things that had to be cut out of the plot for time and story arc. In this particular case, though, the book felt almost like there was less going on. The exception that proves the rule, I suppose.