Saturday, December 17, 2005

I Get So Mad at Me!

I am not going to a party I was invited to tonight. Why? Because I am a mom. That is just me pussing out on getting into a fight and ending up feeling sh*tty about myself. Yet somehow, I have ended up feeling sh*tty about myself anyway! Sounds like a personal problem to me....
Totally serving my time here, just waiting for my vacation. Also, in some way, dreading my vacation. Sometimes it is easier just to be here than there. That is an honest but ugly truth possibly shared by other people with families...possibly.
I'm also mad at myself for getting a little blue for not hearing from the Swordsman. I have grown accustomed to not hearing from the Team C, although it does sometimes disconcert me right after the fact...I need to step up my defenses and NOT let stuff that I will NEVER be able to control get me down!
I'll read. Right now, I'm trying Time Won't Let Me If it gets me through a long Sunday, I'll be good to go.


Meg said...

i don't like kids so i can't help u there but i do know a thing or two about getting caught up in a book. u should read something that will keep u guessing or thinking. john grisham, james joyce (i don't care for him but maybe u do/will), arthur rimbaud. just a suggestion.
i can admire anyone with kids. very time consuming but i hear it is worth it in the end.

l.b. said...

Thanks for the suggestions Meg. James Joyce is pretty challenging and Rimbaud seems to be lacking worthy translators.
And you are right, kids are time consuming...but, yeah, it seems worth it to me, in the end, totally.