Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Not So Blue...Or Brown

I'm feeling much better today, thank you very much. Yesterday, its true, I was tired and depressed. Today things are looking better. I am surprised over and over again by the Swordsman...why do I tend to underestimate the veracity of his friendship? I shouldn't and will try not to in the future.

Tomorrow Milly and I are taking DMB3 out for a farewell lunch at LeRoys. It is also Milly's B-day, so I think I will treat them both :-) In preparation, I will eat lightly for the next 22 hours...soup or yogurt for dinner tonight. Neither of which are as healthy as you might first imagine. The soup is Creamy Tomato (cream..not nice broth). The yogurt is either chocolate mousse style or vanilla with tiny m&m's to sprinkle on top. But I want to be good and hungry for my eggs, tots, and bacon tomorrow. Woo hoo!

What Flower Am I?

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.
People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.
You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.
Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

These lame quizzes are oddly addictive. Lily is an awesome flower, though...

Monday, January 30, 2006

Which "Sex and the City" Vixen Am I

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date.
But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal?
It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky.
Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a
great closet of clothes, no matter what!

Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year...

Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Huh. Waddaya know?

Low, Low Down

My favorite page from Dr. Seuss' My Many Colored Days is the one with this text: Some days, of course, feel sort of Brown. Then I feel slow and low, low down. The illustration is a eloquently simple sleeping bear , who somehow manages to look at if his dreams might be troubling him. I feel for that bear. I am that bear! There are specific reasons for why I am feeling this way, which I will share with you when I can put my thoughts about everything into words more clearly. For me, that tends to require a little time and space. For now, just sitting and feeling Brown.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

What Scent Am I?

Your Scent is Mango

Sultry, sweet, and mellow
You enjoy every moment of life!

This should make me feel better, shouldn't it? I'm enjoying every moment of life - woo hoo!

I Just Don't Know

What don't I know, you may ask. Feels like I just can't figure out anything some days. I don't know if I am just tired, or if there is something from my subconscious that is nagging at me, but ever since yesterday afternoon I have had this sort of nagging sense of dread. Something isn't right, but I'm not sure what. Maybe I just need a good night's rest. Or something chemical to modify my mood. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away.

I Saw This On One of the Blogs I Lurk

Here are seven things about me, l.b.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:

1 - Travel
2 - Write a book and get it published
3 - Eat an extremely expensive meal (throw in a ridiculously priced wine, too)
4 - Learn to play an instrument
5 - Have my very own home, just mine
6 - Become more socially adept
7 - Meet my soulmate (I know it is corny...)

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1 - Live without chocolate for long
2 - Whistle well
3 - Not read (I crave it like sleep or food)
4 - Play sports that require coordination
5 - Talk confidently to new people
6 - Make up my mind
7 - Purposely let my kids down

Seven Things That Attract Me To...Blogging:

1 - Getting to write
2 - Thinking that at least a couple of people might see what I write
3 - Having a good laugh almost everyday
4 - Something that occupies my mind
5 - Boredom
6 - Talking about me, me, me
7 - I like to say the word "Blog"

Seven Things I Say Most Often:

1 - Yes
2 - Riiiiight
3 - Whatever
4 - Huh
5 - Of course!
6 - Good job!
7 - No

Seven Books That I Loved:

1 - Still Life With Woodpecker - Tom Robbins
2 - Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
3 - Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret - Judy Blume
4 - Saint Maybe - Anne Tyler
5 - Little Children - Tom Perrotta
6 - Marriage: a Duet - Anne Taylor Fleming
7 - Short History of a Prince - Jane Hamilton

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again:

1 - Zoolander
2 - Office Space
3 - Heavyweights
4 - Fargo
5 - Ed Wood
6 - Waiting for Guffman
7 - Spinal Tap

Seven People That Get to Join In Too (if they haven't already):

1 - Milly
2 - A. Marie
3 - Nancy
4 - Willam
5 - Napoleon Park
6 - Trash Culture connoisseur
7 - Part-time Thinker

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Sigh of Relief

*whew!* I did hear from the Swordsman today and he was the coolest. I was strangely resigned to thinking that he would surely have had enough...it is amazing that he hangs in there for me. I am touched by the way he is enough of a friend to me, outside of the craziness, to understand my "me" stuff.
It felt important to me to have someone care for me like that, as WTG and I, who are just civil at the best of times, are really truly on the outs these days. In some ways I prefer it. Lets be upfront about the fact that we can't stand each other! F*ck it! It gives me the push to think harder about how I can resolve the situation once and for all.
Sometimes I talk to D.R. a little about my home life, as he saids he wants to know all about what is going on with me. When I do, though, he seems mostly sort of uncomfortable and probably frustrated that there is little he can do about any of it. I wish he could understand that just talking can help. He claims to get that, but as I say, when I do talk to him honestly he seems...I don't know...put off almost. I end up just trading quips with him when at one time I dreamed of every sort of intimacy with him.
So...given all of that, yes I am breathing a sigh of relief that the Swordsman is still along for the ride.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

How Nerdy Am I?

I am nerdier than 40% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Stuff and Things

So. Lots going on lately. Maybe I have sort of, kind of been avoiding talking about the things I'm too stressed about. Things at home have been kind of bad lately. WTG is on a constant rampage against me. I want so badly to be able to get away from his influence, but between our mutual financial obligations I just don't see a way. That isn't to say that there is no way...just that I can't find it yet. I am so tired of being treated like sh*t.
Also feeling bad now because my planned get together with the Swordsman has been short circuited AGAIN. I am frustrated and I am afraid that he is just going to throw in the towel and say 'forget it' with me. There is so little to stop him from doing that. When I spoke to him on the phone earlier today, it was all one and we were just madly happy. Very shortly after, I got the phone call that put the kibosh on it all. I had to email him with the news and haven't yet heard back. Maybe I won't. And that thought makes me deeply despondent. Damn.
I have been reading like a good little library monkey. The last thing was The Virgin Suicides, which I had been waiting to read for ages, it seems. Now I am a solid Jeffrey Eugenides fan and look forward to whatever comes next.
Oh, and the next CD I buy will probably be The Thrills. It ain't new, but I am so happy everytime I hear "One Horse Town" on the radio that I think I should own the whole shebang.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Lawd, I Miss You Child...

My little tribute to the Rolling Stones and expression of regret...because where are my posts? I wanna be here, yet am not! And I miss you, child! haha!
I am almost out of here for the evening, but I AM going to blog maƱana. Lo siento amigos. xoxo

Friday, January 20, 2006

What Kind of Gemstone Am I?

Your Gemstone is Amethyst

Dignified, impressive, and wise.
You have a deeply spiritual soul

This was kind of cool, because Amethyst is my birthstone and I LOVE it!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

It's All Good

What a day! I got two muy caliente phone calls from Master Swordsman that got me all sweetened up. THEN I got to go on a grand mission with Team C! I have to say that it was just what I needed and I am left feeling all warm and melty...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


Ah, here I be, halfway through another week. Got rolling with my storytimes again this week. Seems I have quite a few live wires this time around, but they tend to calm down once they get acclimated to being in that setting. I took away virtually nothing from Monday's meeting besides a big heaping helping of boredom pie. Yet here I am, alive to tell the tale.
I finally finished Middlesex over the weekend. Yesterday I started on This is a Voice From Your Past. It is a nice little book for short stories and not so taxing.
I need some new music on my horizon. My cds are not thrilling me at the moment. Hey! Anyone wanna go see Donald Fagen with me on March 27 at the Wiltern in L.A.? I have a feeling I will be going alone. No one I know IRL loves Steely Dan the way I do. How sad.
Happy though...that there is definitely a Team C secret mission tomorrow! Yay! Yay! I am soooo up for it.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Most Boring Day EVER

Today is MLK day, which is totally cool. The kids are off school, the library is closed...but, oh wait! What am I doing here at work? It is a Staff Development Day, which is simply code for Boring as Sh*t Day. Here are a list of useful things I took away from the first couple of hours:
-We are aggragators!
-Einstellung effect=Enough information
-Perfect / Poop
-Bunny slippers
-Beware of nostalgia
-Stop rewarding perfectionism
-Jorge Luis Borges
-Bigelow "I Love Lemon" Herb Tea (a special blend for lemon lovers)
Think I'm on track with my notes?
More to come.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Updated Update

Sadly, yesterday did not happen. Technical difficulties in timing led to...exactly nothing. My frustration level is fairly high right now. The Swordsman, however, couldn't have been nicer or sweeter about the whole thing. I do have a secret mission with Team C this week to look forward to, hopefully.

I missed my little one's first basketball game today, because of work. Fortunately, I will see next week's and am off the two Saturdays that he has two games scheduled.
I know that sometimes the younger two especially really resent my work, which is natural. Then, I feel uselessly guilty, because it isn't as though I have a choice! Luckily I like my job or sometimes the whole tug between worlds would be too painful.

Thursday, January 12, 2006


The subfamily is STILL hanging out at the homestead! I would feel mean asking, "Why aren't you guys at your house?" But...why aren't they? It occurs to me that if I could get them in permanently, I could ditch WTG completely and still be able to pay the mortgage. Fantasy rocks. In reality, WTG is planted more firmly than even I can probably imagine. I just do my best to ignore his presence and that is how it is just going to have to be.

I am still working on Middlesex. I haven't been doing as much reading lately, since Milly and I are on more of the same lunch schedule. (Yay, by the way) And, this book is not a quick read. I'm really enjoying it, though and would recommend it to anyone who likes a juicy family saga and hermaphrodism.

Tomorrow? It is on. More on that Saturday.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

It's Better This Way

My fav Team C member called me today and sends regrets for getting something going this week. At this point I am mostly relieved. Next week will be much better for a Team C adventure. If I see the Poet/Swordsman this week, I am going to be much more appreciative of his sort of antidote by next week.

My little sub-family (my oldest son, girlie friend, and behbeh) seem to be camping out at my place. I so want them to feel welcome, really, but they don't seem to realize how disruptive they are to routines developed for sanity's sake. They are just always sort of very THERE. Last night the younger kids didn't get to bed until almost midnight just because of the extra activity level in the house. They have taken over my third son's room and he just called to tell me that he can't get in there even now (it is 3:30 in the afternoon PST) because they are all napping in there! I feel bad for him, because his is the room they use, at it is best equipped for that many people (queen bed, big room). He totally deserves that nice room...totally doesn't deserve to be kicked out of it, although he is generally very good natured about it. Sorry, but here's hoping they are planning to head off for their own home very soon.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Getting Better All the Time

I am feeling and sounding better, getting the cough and assorted respiratory problems under control. I am almost embarrassed at how happy I am about that...the joys of growing old and feeble - haha!!!

Things are going along fine at work and at home, for the most part. Setting up a date soon to have a nice breakfast with Milly and K. I miss working with K. and we don't get to talk to her that much these days, so I am truly looking forward to seeing her.

Looks like I will definitely be taking a meeting with the Poet at the end of the week...the thought fills me with both trepidation and excitement. I can't wait to see what happens next! I also talked to Team C today and the possibility exists for an adventure this week as well. My feelings are mixed at this point. Things are getting mildly complicated, but not very often so I'm going to just try and maintain status quo all around.

Friday, January 6, 2006

The Road to Recovery

I am hoping that this weekend will afford me the chance to fully recover from the nagging remains of my illness. I am really glad that this worked out to be my weekend off.
I just began a new book yesterday evening. It is Middlesex. It is one of those books that you must work at a bit, not a light read, but seems eminently worth it thus far.
I wish I had something very thrilling to write about. I did hear from both the Swordsman and Team C today, although I did miss C and only got a message on my machine. It was a bit thrilling to talk to the Swordsman. Fingers crossed for next week!!!

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Got Phlegm?

I'm sorry, I know it is nasty, but I am so tired of this cold or whatever I have that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks! I swear, if I spend one more night trying to hack up a lung or spend another precious moment of my life frantically searching for a tissue, I might start screaming and never stop. I'm pretty sure a good scream would only lead to more coughing though...
In other news, there doesn't seem to be much other news. I haven't been to the movies in several weeks, much to my dismay. Television at this time of year is a vast wasteland. Milly made me a copy of Badly Drawn Boy's "The Hour of Bewilderbeast", so at least I have something nice to listen to when I grow tired of switching the XM from XMU to Fred to XM Cafe to Top Tracks to Ethel to (un)Signed to Lucy and back again....
As far as my reading goes, I am on the hunt again for something new. I most recently finished and touching account written by a woman about her family dealing with her younger brother's suicide at 15. Well, it wasn't really about them dealing with it. It was more about the family, in general, and her own feelings of connection to her lost brother. It's called The Tender Land. I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for next.

Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Happy 2006! And Happy Birthday (almost) Baby Girl

It is true. I am here, back from my little vacation from work and the internet. It would have been real nice had I not been SICK for most of the time! Freaking flu...what are you gonna do?
I just wanted to stick my head in the door and say hi. Lots on my plate here, just waiting for me. Surprise, surprise. More later.
I missed you!!!
P.S. Tomorrow is my one and only daughter's 13th birthday. I would say that I can't believe she is a teenager, but she has been acting like one since she was about 8 or 9, so no shock to my system here. She's a handful, but I am soooo thankful to have a daughter in my house full of testosterone.