My Apologies

I want so much to post here as often as possible, but it turns out I wasn't kidding in my blog title...my life is so boring! It seems exceptionally dull right now. There is just nothing going on that makes compelling writing or reading.
I did finally finish that first Handler book and am moving on to the next one...although truthfully not that enthusiastically. Still, I am willing to try another by someone whom I want to like.
Um...lets see....Oh! I wanted to tell you that I have been listening to a couple of tracks off the new Death Cab for Cutie CD Plans. My favorite on repeat is "Crooked Teeth" and I am also loving "I Will Follow You Into the Dark". I do love these guys. Have you ever noticed that Ben Gibbard and Colin Meloy from the Decemberists kind of look alike? Cute boys.

Haiku #6

Seems everyone had
A huge crush on young Dennis
I was one of them.

Which Brady Am I?

You Are Bobby Brainy

Ultra competitive, you will do almost anything to win. From pull ups to pool sharking, you're very talented. And while everyone is aware of your victories, they still (affectionately) consider you to be a little brat!

What Brady Are You?

She's Baaaa-aaaack!

Back on the job and feeling much recuperated, thank you very much. What is great about my job is that when I am away from it I don't give it a thought. It is so refreshing.
Easter was nice at my dad's place. The holidays are changing for me, as my kids are growing up. It is partly sad and partly a relief...well, right now it makes me a little blue, but this too shall pass.
Hey, I am so off my game in the area of reading! I don't know what the deal is, but I am still working on The Basic Eight at this point. I felt so sure it would be a quick read, and possibly it is...just not for me right now. I did get sidetracked with alternate reading, such as Entertainment Weekly and Vanity Fair. But still. Oh well, no rush, right? Thats right.
Lets see...what else is going on? Nothing I guess. Is it the quiet before the storm? Its possible, of course, but I am hoping it is just plain quiet.

Haiku #5

Young, cute, Mrs. Qualls
I'll never forget spending
The night at your house.

Time For a Rest

Just about ready to leave for my mini-vacation, so I wanted to do a quick post. I hope you all have a Happy Easter, if you indulge in that sort of thing. I am hoping for an uneventful four days :-)
Happily for me, I got a chance to talk to my Swordsman. He is going off on vacation too. I'm feeling good, feeling happy, feeling connected.
I will post again when I return. Bunny kisses xxx

Haiku #4

The wild child Nanette
She was a bad influence
Oh, how I loved her!

Haiku #3

Maris rescued me
She was always my hero
All through our friendship

My Short Week

Ah, half a week of vacation is almost upon me. My kidlets are off school this week, so I thought it would be a good time to take a couple of days. I decided to get through my storytimes, as I'm too insecure to turn them over to anyone else, unless I absolutely have to for some reason. So, I am here today, tomorrow, and up until 1pm on Wednesday. After that, I won't be back until the following Monday. I don't have any special plans, but it will be nice to have the time to relax. One of the best things about the kids being on vacay is the chance to sleep in a little. During the school year, I really have to be up by 6 or so. Now, ideally, during summer and vacations I would get up at that time too, but would get oh-so-much more done. Nah, I like to sleep a little longer instead. Thats just how I roll - haha! I do miss some things about work when I'm not here. I miss seeing Milly and Heat, mainly. I miss the internet and everything that goes with it (including blogging).
Of course I will have to have something to read. I wanted to read Daniel Handler's latest Adverbs. However, the library is still aquiring it. I decided I might as well start with his first two adult novels, The Basic Eight and Watch Your Mouth. I am imagining fastish reads, so may be done with the first before vacation even starts. This will mean choosing a couple more by Wednesday afternoon. So many books, so little time! Any special suggestions? It would be much appreciated.

Haiku #2

Dear Miss Hanawalt
Her hair was so long and red
She even played the guitar!

Haiku #1

Russell had brown hair
And the deepest brown eyes ever
Love First Grader style
http://x365.org

The Engine's All Warmed Up, But There's Nowhere to Go

I just spoke to the Swordsman on the phone and he was masterful, as always. It doesn't look like we'll be able to get together for another couple of weeks. Fortunately we are copacetic as far as our situations go. He's got his stuff going on full steam ahead, and I have mine. But when we finally do get together again, I am going to make him so glad to be a man. I don't want or need much from him. I like knowing he is thinking about me and I like knowing that when we do get together he is the guy to give me exactly what I do want and need.

Virtual Pets Are MY Kind of Pets

But What About the Irritability Factor?

I have this co-worker. We'll call her The Drifter. She, I, and two part-timers share a common office space. We all get along just fine, fortunately...we are all nice people, after all. However, I have to vent here about the way in which this woman drives me right up the proverbial wall. Actually, there are a few issues I could bring up, but for today let us focus on singing and it's poor cousin humming. She is apparently obsessed with listening to various children's songs to find just the right ones to use for her programs...real far in advance, I might add...like she seems to be planning for stuff that will come around in September. Okay, I'm getting off track...how she plans is her own lookout. The children's songs are what I was talking about. She listens to the cassettes and cds through headphones, so that is considerate. BUT she either sings along quietly (it is really more of a moaning drone) or at the very least hums along (again, it is one note-ish droning). Not to be mean, okay? I mean, I freely admit that I am no singer myself. I'm horrible. I don't expose other people to it, though! The only place I sing is alone in my car where no one can get hurt! I don't know exactly why the droning bugs me so very, very much, but it definitely does. On a day like today, I feel like I could strangle her. This perfectly nice woman and I want to do her bodily harm. Here's hoping that writing this down will serve to sublimate my killer instinct...

What Will My Famous Last Words Be?

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"What we know is not much. What we don't know is enormous."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Blabbity Blah

That is me not having much to say, but saying it in any case. Feeling bored. As I'm sure I've said before, there are worse things than boredom, but still... I am wishing for something fun to happen. I've heard a rumor that we can all make our own fun, but I'm not sure I'm so good at that. I guess I just need to take a positive attitude and think of things to look forward to. Um, lets see...I am taking a couple of days off next week. That will be nice if WTG can stay out of my way. My kids will be off school that week, so that should be good for us all. Then there will be Easter, which is a nice holiday. Not much stress about it. I think we're going to my dad and step-mom's house, which is always pretty pleasant. What else? Lets see...I am looking forward to the rain going away...and it will, eventually. Looking forward to some upcoming time with Master Swordsman, but am still not sure when. Whenever, it is something to anticipate with great pleasure.
Okay, now, I will focus on those things coming my way and try and get out of this funk. Wish me luck :-)

The Recuperation

I am feeling much better today and I am going to attribute it to your good thoughts :-) I hadn't really eaten yesterday and last night I passed out when I got home and had a bit of a rough night. However, this morning I felt more normal. I even met Milly for a late breakfast at LeRoys and eased my way back into solids with bacon and half a piece of french toast. I believe those are held up far and wide as traditional invalid foods, are they not? Well, they should be.

I Shoulda Stayed in Bed

It is Monday and I am here, but I probably shouldn't be. I should be home, all cozy in bed. Instead, I am here, feeling rather ill and tired. I don't want to get other people sick, but it is so hard being home. Not to sound all pathetic, but most moms could back me up on the fact that they don't let you rest at home! Plus WTG was there, also not well, and I am just not up to that AT ALL. So I am here, trying to keep a low profile and hope that I feel mo' better tomorrow. It is a new day and it could happen.
Did you all remember to Spring Forward? Of course you have by now. I am always happy when Daylight Savings Time returns. I like a few days a week getting to exit the building into the light. It gives me the illusion, at least, of more energy, more of an evening to do things. When I come home in the dark, I just want to call it a day and I do get less done it seems.
I have been reading like a fiend. I finished Diving Through Clouds. Then I re-read True to Form. I sort of started it by accident, realized I had read it, but went ahead and finished it anyway, as it is an easy read. Now I am starting Life Isn't All Ha Ha Hee Hee.
Okay, it's almost time to get out of here. Keep your fingers crossed that I feel better tomorrow, please. Thank you.

What Kind of Coffee Am I?

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Yes, I am drinking coffee right now!

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

That's right, I'm giving Loverboy the shout out, what of it? haha! Enjoying a nice quiet Friday here at the job. Me & Milly just got back from lunch at a Japanese fast food place called Bento-ya. I just had a teriyaki chicken bowl and some miso soup...it was delish.
I guess I don't have any special plans this weekend. Hopefully it will be a nice restful weekend with no fussing and fighting.
Yesterday I finished reading What Was She Thinking? Notes on a Scandal. I enjoyed it and have quickly moved on to Diving Through Clouds. So far, I'd say it is light reading...good for a not so taxing weekend read.
I have gotten all of those CDs I ordered and have had a chance to play them a bit as I drive to and from work (about the only time I can listen to my own CDs without someone turning it off and switching to Top 20 on 20 or whatever...) I think I am going to start ordering more CDs through Amazon. I've had such good luck with even the used ones and they are at great prices. There is the shipping, but the convenience makes it worth it to me. Music is my one real indulgence. I hardly ever even buy books anymore with so many of them at my disposal. It seems a small pleasure that I can allow myself :-)

Sex Saves Me Again

Once again, I feel compelled to display my shallow nature. I just always find it amazing how much spending time with someone, say Team C, does for me! I mean, I can assure you that for quite some time anything thrown at me will seem so much more managable, just because I have this little glowing sphere of tender eroticism nestled up next to my heart (with a path straight to the hot zone).
You don't care for me all that much? Thats okay, I know someone who does, and in very creative ways! You want to pick a fight with me? Its not gonna happen, because I am in my happy place, feeling like someones hidden treasure.

Aaaaahhhhh....

I am so blissed out. Finally, finally, finally got some face time with Team C and it was awesome, as always. It had been way too long and many promises were made that it wouldn't be so long next time. Ideally, I would want to see him more, but in some ways it doesn't matter so much. When Team C does finally pull of a mission...damn the torpedos! And now I get to have this loose, warm, glowing feeling for lucious hours to come....

P.S.

I saw this movie yesterday with WTG in an older theater that I love. However, the seats are not so roomy and I felt squished by him impinging on my personal space. Still, good movie. Yeah.

Thank You For Smoking

Smoking is a filthy, disgusting, unhealthy habit. The question that Thank You For Smoking raises both satirically and seriously is...so what? The health risks have been established, but people still choose to smoke and isn't it ultimately about choice? Aaron Eckhart, genius actor, plays a mouthpiece for big tobacco, Nick Naylor. Through his charm, quick mind, and unbeatable arguments, he is the PR guy making the case for smoking. His stellar performance on a panel show brings him to the attention of both the biggest mucky muck in the tobacco industry and an anti-smoking Vermont governor (the fabulous William H. Macy). There is plenty going on in this movie, including fraternal lunchtime meetings of the MOD (Merchants of Death) Squad including Alcohol pusher Maria Bello and Gun toter David Koechner, unadvisable sex with a journalist (the last breath of freedom for young Katie Holmes), trips to Hollywood to gain smoking a prominent, sexy position in movies (watch Rob Lowe and Adam Brody work it!), and plenty of time to bond between the can-do dad and his bright son (played by Cameron Bright).
The movie is full of very funny moments. It is satire, but it is tightly controlled satire. Between the acting, writing, and directing I would have to say that this movie is definitely going on my Top 10 List.

Television and Its Hold On Me

I am very fond of the idea of being one of those people who claim to never watch TV. Not to be snobby, but it is just kind of cool to think of having such a rich, full life that you never have to resort to the soothing mindlessness of most tv shows. At any rate, I definitely do watch and while I am not exactly a fanatic, I do have some shows that I don't care to miss :-) These are a few of my fav-o-rite things:

1) Grey's Anatomy
2) Desperate Housewives
3) The Sopranos
4) Big Love
5) Huff
6) The Office
7) My Name is Earl
8) Scrubs
I am in mourning, still, for Arrested Development and Six Feet Under.

So, anyway, you can see my list is pretty basic sitcom and one hour drama stuff. Nothing too highbrow, too lowbrow, or too terribly unusual. I almost put American Idol on there, but decided not to because a) it is a little embarrassing and b) I don't care much if I miss a week...like I wouldn't shed a tear or two like I might if I miss a new Grey's Anatomy...

Another Tighty Whitey

haha! A brief message :-) I am feeling more clear headed today, thank the cosmos. I have just started a new book, too. I thought since I had enjoyed A Ship Made of Paper so much that I would try another by Scott Spencer. This one is called Men in Black. It is not that one, but another one completely :-) So far, so good. I have also had Adventures of Blue Avenger, a young adult novel riding around in my purse. I have read it before, but it has been awhile, so I've been re-reading as time allows, because it is a cool little story.

Curse of the Headcold

I am feeling all discombobulated. Between being thrown off my schedule and this stuffy feeling in my head I am moving through this day in a daze. I can't seem to connect with the outside world...the world outside of my own head.
I need to find a new book to start before I go home tonight. I need to get through my two storytimes tomorrow, put together my class visit for the next day, and also finish preparing for my afternoon program for Thurs. Then, I am off work Fri. So...if I can make it through the next couple of days I will have a chance to recuperate. As a matter of fact, I may see the Swordsman on my day off. That will either be restorative or it will kill me :-)
Now for a small bitch and moan session, brought to you by l.b.@ My Boring Life: I have developed a reputation for being someone that my friends can talk to about anything. I am discreet. I don't judge them. I listen carefully and sometimes make useful suggestions. Now, don't get me wrong, I relish this role. BUT (the big but(t)) on occasion I feel like I am allowing myself to be, I don't know, the lampost or whatever. I am just this recepticle for their feelings...sometimes it doesn't seem to occcur to any of them that I also have feelings, secrets, and stories to tell. Well, how can I bitch? Really. If I opened up to most any of them, I'm sure they'd listen. I guess anyone reading here is my me. Does anyone read here?

Boxer or Brief?

This one is gonna be brief. It has been on the busy side here at work, so not so much time for the fun stuff. I did want to check in, though. I am still feeling some of the ill effects of Friday's mood, although my weekend was actually quite good. I am just dragging...possibly it is all hormonal, you know? Swordsman wrote me one little note today, which I didn't bother to answer. Lately I feel he hasn't got time and that is fine, but I don't want to be jumping through hoops in that case. I read this blog entry that DR wrote and it was so sad. He wrote about...well this and that. But the main gist of it was that he had found an ex-girlfriend's daughter on MySpace and was ruminating on what might have been. I have found that that way lies madness, seriously. You cannot dwell on the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. It will kill you! Everyone of us could have lived this finer, fuller, more beautiful life, in theory. But all it is is theory and all it is is wishing for the wisdom of 40 at 20 or whatever. Life doesn't work like that, woe is me.

Why I Don't Do Introspection Well

I don't do introspection well, because I find that profound thoughts about nearly anything give me that heavy, teary feeling in my chest. Not that I think I'm all deep. I'm sure anyone who stops to really think about things feels something similar. For me, though, I don't know...while a part of me welcomes the feeling with something like relief, another part of me finds it unbearable and just wants to feel sunshiny and contented. I know this is why I like to have plenty of busy work or, if I am still, I prefer to be reading (ie. escaping).
When I do stop and let the real thoughts in I see all the ways in which I have failed and all the ways in which I continue to fail.
Let me count the ways for your perusal:

-I couldn't sustain my marriage. Not so much because either one of us were horrible people, but more because I couldn't bear to be his wife anymore. I have felt like I was literally dying under the weight of his expectations of what a wife should be and I couldn't be that kind of wife...and wouldn't even want to try to be that kind of wife.
-I couldn't lead a completely independent life because I am not financially solvent. Now, we cohabitate like quarrelsome siblings, neither one of us able to really have any sort of sustainable private life. It makes me feel ashamed to have to live like this.
-I have a friend who lives so far away from me that we will in all probability never be together IRL, yet I am exceedingly attached to him, beyond all reason. I know that he doesn't feel the same about me, although he may have at one time...now sometimes I read our old emails and want to cry when I remember how I imagined that this is a man I would someday have a life with. Now we email daily, more or less superficially, but if we stopped writing altogether I can't imaging being able to bear it.
-I have two lovers whom I care for, but don't have real relationships with. Team C is so peripheral in my life and leads very much his own life. I care for him, but what we have between us is simply good sexual chemistry and affection. Swordsman and I are more involved with each other's minds, but again, there is distance between us that is never going to be bridged as far as I can tell. We are enthralled with each other, but it isn't the same as having a true partner in life. I guess I would say that we are absolutely perfect for each other in every way, except for the fact that we could never sustain it if we actually lived our lives together as real people do...it is a dark, beautiful fantasy.

I do feel like I have done my honest best to be a good parent and my children are good people, partly as a direct result of me, their mother. I also feel content with my job. I am good at what I do, I receive satisfaction from that, and the people that I work for are getting what they pay for.

What is it about today that brings all this on? I just couldn't say. A little tiredness, letting my guard down, the gloom and chill in the air, a quiet day with too much time for thought....I'm sorry. If anyone actually read this to the end I thank you for hearing me.

Happy Anniversary to Me & My Boring Life

Wow. My blog and I have been together for one year to this very date. Happy Anniversary, Honey! Now, keep in mind that there were about two months between that first official post and my second official post. Since that time however, I have been keeping up pretty darn well for the most part. Ow! Ima break my arm with the back patting going on over here! I hope my blog sends me some flowers. haha! Ah, so lame, yet who cares?

Its Back Again

It is the triumphant return of the tickly throat and the buggery nose. I swear it is impossible to stay healthy either at home or work. I am drinking lots n' lots of water in a desperate, yet probably fruitless, attempt to keep a full fledged cold at bay. I entered my storytimes last night and this morning armed with my trusty water bottle and a few honey lemon cough drops and all was well. I told DR last night that I was going to battle this off with good deeds and water. What are my chances? Ah well...

I started a new book Monday night and so far I'm enjoying it very much. It is called A Ship Made of Paper. So far, it strikes me as being especially finely written, so I am content.

I just ordered a few CDs from Amazon. I have just felt the need lately to beef up my collection...so I decided to just go with it. I'd been threatening to pick up Donald Fagen's Morph the Cat and The Thrills So Much for the City, so I did. I also got a replacement copy of DF's Kamakiriad. I needed to a have it back, because along with Nightfly and Morph the Cat as bookends it completes Donald's solo trilogy. I also picked up Walter Becker's Eleven Tracks of Wack which I have never owned. Even big Steely Dan fans aren't too complimentary about Walter as a solo artist, but it still seemed like something I'd like to own and listen to on occasion.

In very personal news, I have not heard a peep from Team C in over a month. I'm not too torn up about it, as he has certainly come close to this point, although this has got to be a record. When I think of him, I do get that dip in my stomach...I am very attracted to him still...and perhaps as long as I am getting something out of our rare times together there is no special reason to call it all off. Who knows though? Maybe I will find that this is his way of calling it off. I guess we'll see what comes to pass. I rely more and more on the Poet Swordsman to keep me feeling the things that make the rest of life seem just that much better. He wrote me an email the other night, that while very erotic was also surprisingly tender. I feel lucky to have what I have with him.

Tick Tock

Time seems to be moving at an incredible rate lately. I guess it may be a symptom of my advanced age...once you hit 40 it is like being on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at warp speed apparently.
I had a nice, relaxing Sunday yesterday. It was exciting to see the Season 6 premiere of one of my favorite shows, The Sopranos. Yes, even after almost two years I come crawling back to them. I also caught a new show that I fell for instantly. It is Big Love and it promises to be complicated, interesting, entertaining, and touching. Looking forward to more of both and am happy that HBO is there for me again on Sunday nights :-)

I Took The Simpson's Personality Test

And this is what I get!

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

I don't even LIKE beer! Maybe I'll develop a taste for it and really cultivate the whole belly thing...

Big Doings That I am Missing Out On

Today, a Saturday, I am at work. I am going to miss:
a) Watching my son get his new car (which he totally deserves)
b) Seeing that same son go off to his Sadie Hawkins dance with his little girlfriend.
Work does make me miss important home things from time to time. I try not to mind, because there isn't much to be done about it. The car thing could have been done tomorrow, but I am not the one in charge of that gift or the scheduling of giving that gift so... Just makes me wish I were the more cash-y parent, but that ain't never gonna happen as far as I can tell. I did leave him an envelope with some $$$ for dinner and pix tonight. I have also been promised pictures of him getting his car. WTG arranged with my son's girlfriend for them to be at Starbucks at a certain time. They will arrive in his old car, it will be whisked away and replaced by the new car, the kids will come out and after some confusion over where his car is, his girlfriend will hand him the keys to his new car. Meanwhile WTG and the other kids will be lurking nearby to watch the fun. See why I'm jealous I won't be there?
I guess I coulda called in sick, so I guess in the end I am the one making the choice not to be there...at least that is how it was explained to me....

Wow! She Loves Exclamation Points!

haha! My program went fine, hurrah! I read Miss Smith's Amazing Storybook and The Teddy Bear. I have two more weeks of this program. I get lots of brownie (brown noser) points for doing it and it isn't all that much work...but don't tell my supervisor that!

All's well in other news. Swordsman called me today and we spoke briefly...but effectively. Home is steady, for which I am grateful. Work is manageable. Friendships being tended to tenderly. No complaints. How great is that!<<<<<
Counting the heading, five exclamation points were used in this post. No exclamation points were harmed during the production of this post, as certified by the Board of Punctuation Rights.

Look! She Works Too!

Just getting ready to go on in and perform pt.1 of my California Young Reader Medal Program for kids in grades K-5. I'm not sure how much pub. was done for it, so any feelings of anxiety are mostly about hoping someone shows up for it! I'll let you know how it goes, as I'm certain that you are fascinated with library programming.

Oh, I Have a Brain Too!

Yes, I am not only about my raging libido! You do know I like to read, right? That proves something, right? Okay, maybe not....but I did want to mention that I am re-reading America the Beautiful. I have read it a couple of times and I keep hoping that Moon, as I like to call her, will publish another novel at some point. If you haven't read it and you enjoy the bildungsroman, you should definitly get your grubby paws on it ASAP. Okay.

Getting the Cyber Hots

The Swordsman is at his best today with the whole pulse pounding messaging going on. I am such an easy lass for the right words! I think it will be a couple of weeks until I actually come face to face with him, but if he can keep the tempurature this high, at least now and again, I am okay with that. Between the physical thrill and the hormone driven emotional connection he manages to keep me about as happy as I've ever been, seriously. I sometimes worry about how shallow I am turning out to be, but at the same time, there is some relief in finding that I can be relatively easy to please :-)

Keeping Busy

It seems to have been extra busy at work for the past few days. Nothing I can't keep up with...it is actually the kind of work I enjoy, such as preparing the paperwork for upcoming events and getting crafts ready for my upcoming programs. They are things that I am good at and the time passes more quickly.
Aside from that, not much to report on the life of l.b. Things at home are quiet and relatively peaceful I am always half waiting for the next big blow up or crisis, but until then I will try to enjoy the downtime. I need another book to start and have been reading way too many dopey magazines. Still listening to my B & S almost constantly while in the car. My next music purchase should be Morph the Cat, which is scheduled for release March 14. I'm tres, tres excited about it.
Sadly, nothing to report on my super secret wild life - haha! Team C has gone MIA, as seems to happen from time to time and even Master Swordsman is keeping a fairly low profile, for him.
All in all though? I can't really complain...so I won't :-)

Another Rainy Day

Just like in the B&S song, but at this point without the chocolate on the boil or the steaminess...
Yesterday got pretty steamy when the Swordsman called me. Oh, my. Something about the way that man speaks to me. Who knows when I will actually SEE him, though. Still, given all of the facts of my life, I am feeling about as happy and satisfied as I have ever been. There is something about being desired that leads me to feel so good! That intensity of feeling is very deeply comforting somehow.
Here's hoping for a good weekend for myself and any who might be reading. Treat yourselves to a little something special, okay?

Which Tarot Card Am I?

Oooohhhh...mysterious, eh?


You are the Devil card. The Devil is based on the

figure Pan, Lord of the Dance. The earthy

physicality of the devil breeds lust. The

devil's call to return to primal instincts

often creates conflict in a society in which

many of these instincts must be kept under

control. Challenges posed by our physical

bodies can be overcome by strength in the

mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Pan

is also a symbol of enjoyment and rules our

material creativity. The devil knows physical

pleasure and how to manipulate the physical

world. Material creativity finds its output

in such things as dance, pottery, gardening,

and sex. The self-actualized person is able

to accept the sensuality and usefulness of

the devil's gifts while remaining in control

of any darker urges. Image from The Stone

Tarot deck.

http://hometown.aol.com/newtarotdeck/


Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Another Sunny Day

Another Sunny Day Lyrics
Album : The Life Pursuit
Artist : Belle & Sebastian

Another sunny day, I met you up in the garden
You were digging plants, I dug you, beg your pardon
I took a photograph of you in the herbaceous border
It broke the heart of men and flowers and girls and trees

Another rainy day, we're trapped inside with a train set
Chocolate on the boil, steamy windows when we met
You've got the attic window looking out on the cathedral
And on a Sunday evening bells ring out in the dusk

Another day in June, we'll pick eleven for football
We're playing for our lives the referee gives us fuck all
I saw you in the corner of my eye on the sidelines
Your dark mascara bids me to historical deeds

Everybody's gone you picked me up for a long drive
We take the tourist route the nights are light until midnight
We took the evening ferry over to the peninsula
We found the avenue of trees went up to the hill
That crazy avenue of trees, I'm living there still

There's something in my eye a little midge so beguiling
Sacrificed his life to bring us both eye to eye
I heard the Eskimos remove obstructions with tongues, dear
You missed my eye, I wonder why, I didn't complain
You missed my eye, I wonder why, please do it again

The lovin is a mess what happened to all of the feeling?
I thought it was for real; babies, rings and fools kneeling
And words of pledging trust and lifetimes stretching forever
So what went wrong? It was a lie, it crumbled apart
Ghost figures of past, present, future haunting the heart

I have been so feeling this song for the past few days! Sometimes a cool, beautiful song is all I need to fill my heart with good feelings. Well, that and some particularly luscious messages from the Swordsman by email...and one phone message that frankly brought me to my knees.

Harassment Training

Today I spent three hours, with a large number of other city employees, getting the facts about harassment. The lawyer who presented it did a fine job, making every attempt to make it interesting and relevant for us. It is just that the very nature of these events seems to numb my mind. I spent the time listening, of course....oh, who am I kidding? I did sudoku, which I don't even really enjoy all that much. When I completed it I gave myself a star and commented "Good job". Positive enforcement is really important. I also played a great deal of word association games with myself as the speaker sang out certain mind capturing words and phrases. My notes look like something a lunatic wrote. Oh, right.
Tonight, I am starting a new book. It is called Conversations with the Fat Girl. It looks lover-ly! xo

I (Heart) Einstein

Isn't he the greatest?

What is My Power Color?

Your Power Color Is Blue

Relationships and feelngs are the most important things to you. You are empathetic and accepting - and good at avoiding conflict. If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well. You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.

What's Your Power Color?

What Happened Today?

Some people were born on this date. I'm talkin' 'bout Zeppo Marx, Anthony Burgess, Edward Gorey, and George Harrison. Some people died on this date. Like, Thomas Moore and Tennessee Williams. For me, nothing seems to be happening on this date. I'm at work, it is quiet for a Saturday. Just me and Heat here, just as I like it. I am actually glad to be working today, as my oldest son and his family are moving house today and I have a legitimate excuse not to be helpful! Hey, I just did a major move a little over a year ago. I am NOT up for that particular joy again...that is what their friends are for :-)
Milly just gave me another cd today. It is Eveningland by Hem. I am all about getting more music lately. Yesterday, I bought a couple of cds with a gift card, so more free music! I chose Motown Number 1's and Garden State Soundtrack. So, at least I got all that going on...but thats about it. Haven't heard from the Swordsman in days and that has me a bit down I'll admit. Huh.

Good Day to Drive, Miss Daisy!

Today I had to drive into Burbank for a Children's Librarians Share Fair. Coming together to pool our ideas for programming, basically. Anyway, those meetings are usually pretty fun, because you get to meet new people who tend to like the same things you do and you get to see other people that you don't get to see to often...like my old boss and other people I've worked with. The drive in was rather bad with a great deal of traffic. When the meeting ended at noon, though, and I drove back here, there was almost no traffic and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. I put my top down, my radio up, and cruised on in feeling great! I have to admit I love my new car. Aaahhh.
In other news, I have been listening to some new cds courtesy of Milly. She gave me the latest from Belle & Sebastian, Tracy Chapman, and Sufjan Stevens. They are all really, really cool. I am especially into Belle & Sebastian's The Life Pursuit. Every single track is a keeper, but my favorites are 4 and 9 :-)
I am almost finished reading Persepolis.I had been wanting to read it for quite some time, but finally picked it up when Milly lent me a donation copy that came across her desk. I'm loving it and can't wait to read the sequels.
Do you sense how empty my life would be without the Milly influence? haha! Best Bear ever!

Back to Work, Serf!

Back after my three day weekend and the patrons are also back with a vengence. They always come in droves when we are closed an extra day. Ah, well.
My weekend wasn't so bad. The weather was bad, but the activities were okay after all. Little guy lost a game and won a game on Saturday. It was freezing during his outdoor game in the morning, but I had a nice cupa to warm me. Sunday was the baby's birthday party. It wasn't raining so it ended up being at the park and it went fine. I brought my delicious campfire beans and some extra soda. There were also hot dogs, macaroni salad, deviled eggs, chips n salsa, and of course, the cake. I was glad when it was over though, or when I could comfortably leave. It was freezing and I was sort of bored. Eh. Monday I saw Winter Passing. I liked it, but now can't think how to describe it to people who ask.
More mañana. xo

My Weekend is Looking Suckadelic

Here I am at work, having a nice quiet day, as that is how Fridays will tend to be be here. However, I am forced to contemplate the coming weekend which is not tickling my fancy all that much. Well, tomorrow is fine. A couple of basketball games...I can handle that definitely. Sunday brings a family party that I am just not looking forward to for one reason or another. It is not MY party (not for me, not hosted by me) but I feel a little responsible and may have to actually use my house to host it if the park idea gets rained out. The people coming? I don't really want them at my house. Pray for sunshine, would you?
Oh, it is a long weekend, so I get a bonus day off Monday. I'll spend the day honoring Washington and Lincoln in some way...perhaps I shall polish up my wooden teeth and free my slaves. Party on!

Has My Brain Gone Missing?

This rarely happens, but I find myself completely unable to finish the last book I took out, The Reasons I Won't Be Coming. I just could not get into it. I actually felt like I was reading...babble, more or less. Was it just me? I know the book has been well reviewed. I don't know. At any rate, I have decided to set it aside and am just doing some 'work' reading. I like to occasionally pick up a Children's book and see what the kids are reading. So, I am enjoying Flipped. Very cute and I can understand what is going on :-) That shouldn't take me long to read, so my next book is ready to go. I'm going to try The Accidental. It has won the Man Booker and the Whitbread awards...it looks like something I might like...and if I can't read it I may have to do some serious thinking about the state of my brain!

A Day Late....

....and a dollar short, all the sweet cookies in the store been bought. The prize fish in the creek been caught. Everything choice is gone, might as well travel on. Where am I remembering this little tune from? I'm not sure. Anyway, I meant to write yesterday! I wanted to ask all y'all to Be My Valentines

Also, ahem, a belated Happy Burfday to me. It's my party. I can cry if I want to. Luckily, though, no crying. I had a nice day. Lots of good wishes from lots of good people. The Swordsman surprised me and called and was oh, so sweet. Why must I constantly underestimate him? He is a lovely, kind person in spite of his intensity.
All in all, I'd have to say life is pretty good right now.

A Big Surprise

Yesterday morning the family got together for my birthday brunch at Peppertree, our usual gathering spot. It was a nice time and all of the kids managed to show up, minus my nephew. My big present was....wait for it....a new car! Okay, not new new, but 10 years newer than my old car. It was WTG's doing. He can be great like that...when he is not being a bastard. It was a total surprise and a lovely one at that. I also got some candy, lots of socks, some new shirts, a Wxx-Mxxx gift card ($100 goes a long way at that place). I also got a sweet framed picture of the five kids together at the Big Tree. It was a lovely celebration. Today at work they gave me a cake and a card. It was so sweet. I just love birthdays...and it isn't even really my big day just yet! Well, the actual day I guess will be a bit anticlimactic. I can live with that :-)
Oh, Team C gave me a gift last time we got together...I was so thrilled he remembered! It means a lot to me. I don't think the Swordsman even knew when it was, but I sort of let it drop last Friday. Yeah, I like to get the word out. He doesn't seem like the type to go out of his way to acknowlege something like that, but I just thought I'd put it out there and see....

Da Good Life 2.0

Yesterday was...I have no words. The thing about the Swordsman is the little Cult of Personality thing he has going on. I've never experienced anything like what I experienced with him yesterday. That sounds more grandiose or something than I mean for it to sound. He is just so sure of what he wants and I guess I find that very powerful. I would be hard pressed to explain it. And I just tried out a couple of sentences, but had to delete them as they were not what I wanted to say. I guess I'll just close by saying that I am changed in some way, at least temporarily, and it feels great.

My Habitual Confusion Surfaces Again

Ugh. I bore the bejeebers out of myself. I can't imagine how anyone else tolerates me. Okay, so yesterday I saw Team C. ohmygodohmygodohmygod... It was like that, you know? Amazing. Makes my heart pound just thinking about it. Today, however, I can barely bask in the glow, because I am busy worrying about tomorrow when I am supposed to see Master Swordsman. I haven't actually seen him in so long and we've been just talking and writing and writing and talking. I get worried and nervous. There have been so many times when I am reminded that he really is a kind man and has had occasion to be a friend to me. Still, I also get the feeling sometimes that when he is thinking about things he is thinking of something much different than me...well, that isn't a clear sentence, but perhaps you get the gist? With him, there is always the worry that I am going to disappoint him or he is going to...I don't know...scare me, sort of.

***

And as I spoke here, he responded to an email I sent him earlier confessing to my feelings and he wrote back the best message ever. He sure does have a knack for calming me down after he has gotten me all wound up...

***

Oh, and I know this sounds bad, but it is not as bad as it sounds! Yes, there are two things going on in one week...but think of ALL those weeks when NOTHING is going on anywhere with anyone!

Da Good Life

Feeling good lately, feeling calm. Things at work are plodding along, but happily, Milly is back from her vacation. When she is gone my inbox is so static! I was sort of good and had yogurt and Pretz for dinner. I can't say it was all that satisfying.
I am reading a couple of different books right now. One is a re-read called Real Life. This has been a sentimental favorite of mine for years and I re-read it now and again. I started it because I had nothing new this weekend. Monday, I did get a new book and am also working on that. It is called The Reasons I Won't Be Coming. I sort of stumbled onto it and had been meaning to read Seven Types of Amibiguity, but hadn't gotten to it yet...
In tv news, House is back on tonight! Yay! I hang my head with shame and admit that I am watching more lame reality shows than I ever have in my life. I have somehow become devoted to American Idol (well, of course), Dancing with the Stars, Skating with Celebrities (I know, I know), plus Intervention...I think there are even more, but I need to stop listing them because I am freaking myself out...
Oh! Good news for me. I have a super secret lunchtime mission on the calendar with Team C tomorrow. Tres, tres exciting. I adore Team C.

Weekend at l.b.'s

Finally, a weekend when I didn't feel like the victim of a driveby. It was quite pleasant. Went to a movie and dinner with WTG on Friday night after work. We are trying, still and again, to not be so rat-in-a-cage despairing about our situation. The movie was Match Point and it was superb. Really well done and provocative. You couldn't begin to guess that it was a Woody Allen film...which these days is pretty much a great thing to have achieved. Luck, luck, luck....
The dinner was at Matt Denny's, which is usually good, but on that night was not so good. Too bad.
Saturday my little guy had not one, but two basketball games. It is so much easier and more fun to go to games now than it sometimes was back in the day when I had three playing and two more little ones to drag around from court to court. Now I just stroll in, beverage in hand, and sit nicely to enjoy the game.
Sunday, I went to the movies alone and saw Brokeback Mountain. OMG, it was amazing. I have heard so much about it at this point and read so many reviews that I was prepared to be underwhelmed. This movie was so lovely, though. So sad and sweet and beautiful. All of the actors were working at the top of their form. Oh, I just loved it.
So, all in all, it was a fine weekend and I am hoping for a fine week full of adventures.

How Will I Be Defined in the Dictionary

lb -- [noun]: A master blogger 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Of course :-)

I Am So BORED!

For some reason, work has felt especially boring lately. I'm not sure what my issue is, but I am feeling very understimulated mentally. We won't even get into the physical (not right this moment, anyway)
Well, I had my nice lunch with Milly and DMB3 yesterday. Today it was yogurt while watching part of Chinatown with Mil. DMB3 came in briefly to share with us her insights about the film. Okay, that was kinda boring too...
I did some more editing for the Swordsman yesterday. That was at least more interesting than anything else I had going on. He's lucky to have all this time to write. Although even if I had time, I'm sure I wouldn't take advantage of it properly. I do have my mental blocks, thats for sure.
I sent Team C a card, but don't expect to hear back from him. He makes me sad like that, but I try not to take it too personally. I guess I do get what I need from him in the end, so I can't complain.
Oh! And here is Punxsutawny Phil's call for this year:

Phil Says Six More Weeks of Winter!
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/06 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Around the country there are many imitators of me.

In Harrisburg there is Gus who appears on TV
working for the lottery.

Then all around town,
Cute groundhog statues abound.
They all look like me, I found.

Today on the Knob as I'm doing my job,
I don't like this likeness of me.

It's my shadow I see. Six more weeks of mild winter there will be.

Back to me: Oh well. Happy Groundhog Day. More winter, so suck it up.

Not So Blue...Or Brown

I'm feeling much better today, thank you very much. Yesterday, its true, I was tired and depressed. Today things are looking better. I am surprised over and over again by the Swordsman...why do I tend to underestimate the veracity of his friendship? I shouldn't and will try not to in the future.

Tomorrow Milly and I are taking DMB3 out for a farewell lunch at LeRoys. It is also Milly's B-day, so I think I will treat them both :-) In preparation, I will eat lightly for the next 22 hours...soup or yogurt for dinner tonight. Neither of which are as healthy as you might first imagine. The soup is Creamy Tomato (cream..not nice broth). The yogurt is either chocolate mousse style or vanilla with tiny m&m's to sprinkle on top. But I want to be good and hungry for my eggs, tots, and bacon tomorrow. Woo hoo!

What Flower Am I?

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

These lame quizzes are oddly addictive. Lily is an awesome flower, though...

Which "Sex and the City" Vixen Am I

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

Huh. Waddaya know?

Low, Low Down

My favorite page from Dr. Seuss' My Many Colored Days is the one with this text: Some days, of course, feel sort of Brown. Then I feel slow and low, low down. The illustration is a eloquently simple sleeping bear , who somehow manages to look at if his dreams might be troubling him. I feel for that bear. I am that bear! There are specific reasons for why I am feeling this way, which I will share with you when I can put my thoughts about everything into words more clearly. For me, that tends to require a little time and space. For now, just sitting and feeling Brown.

What Scent Am I?

Your Scent is Mango

Sultry, sweet, and mellow You enjoy every moment of life!

What Scent Are You?

This should make me feel better, shouldn't it? I'm enjoying every moment of life - woo hoo!

I Just Don't Know

What don't I know, you may ask. Feels like I just can't figure out anything some days. I don't know if I am just tired, or if there is something from my subconscious that is nagging at me, but ever since yesterday afternoon I have had this sort of nagging sense of dread. Something isn't right, but I'm not sure what. Maybe I just need a good night's rest. Or something chemical to modify my mood. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away.

I Saw This On One of the Blogs I Lurk

Here are seven things about me, l.b.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:

1 - Travel
2 - Write a book and get it published
3 - Eat an extremely expensive meal (throw in a ridiculously priced wine, too)
4 - Learn to play an instrument
5 - Have my very own home, just mine
6 - Become more socially adept
7 - Meet my soulmate (I know it is corny...)

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1 - Live without chocolate for long
2 - Whistle well
3 - Not read (I crave it like sleep or food)
4 - Play sports that require coordination
5 - Talk confidently to new people
6 - Make up my mind
7 - Purposely let my kids down

Seven Things That Attract Me To...Blogging:

1 - Getting to write
2 - Thinking that at least a couple of people might see what I write
3 - Having a good laugh almost everyday
4 - Something that occupies my mind
5 - Boredom
6 - Talking about me, me, me
7 - I like to say the word "Blog"

Seven Things I Say Most Often:

1 - Yes
2 - Riiiiight
3 - Whatever
4 - Huh
5 - Of course!
6 - Good job!
7 - No

Seven Books That I Loved:

1 - Still Life With Woodpecker - Tom Robbins
2 - Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
3 - Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret - Judy Blume
4 - Saint Maybe - Anne Tyler
5 - Little Children - Tom Perrotta
6 - Marriage: a Duet - Anne Taylor Fleming
7 - Short History of a Prince - Jane Hamilton

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again:

1 - Zoolander
2 - Office Space
3 - Heavyweights
4 - Fargo
5 - Ed Wood
6 - Waiting for Guffman
7 - Spinal Tap

Seven People That Get to Join In Too (if they haven't already):

1 - Milly
2 - A. Marie
3 - Nancy
4 - Willam
5 - Napoleon Park
6 - Trash Culture connoisseur
7 - Part-time Thinker

Sigh of Relief

*whew!* I did hear from the Swordsman today and he was the coolest. I was strangely resigned to thinking that he would surely have had enough...it is amazing that he hangs in there for me. I am touched by the way he is enough of a friend to me, outside of the craziness, to understand my "me" stuff.
It felt important to me to have someone care for me like that, as WTG and I, who are just civil at the best of times, are really truly on the outs these days. In some ways I prefer it. Lets be upfront about the fact that we can't stand each other! F*ck it! It gives me the push to think harder about how I can resolve the situation once and for all.
Sometimes I talk to D.R. a little about my home life, as he saids he wants to know all about what is going on with me. When I do, though, he seems mostly sort of uncomfortable and probably frustrated that there is little he can do about any of it. I wish he could understand that just talking can help. He claims to get that, but as I say, when I do talk to him honestly he seems...I don't know...put off almost. I end up just trading quips with him when at one time I dreamed of every sort of intimacy with him.
So...given all of that, yes I am breathing a sigh of relief that the Swordsman is still along for the ride.

How Nerdy Am I?

Stuff and Things

So. Lots going on lately. Maybe I have sort of, kind of been avoiding talking about the things I'm too stressed about. Things at home have been kind of bad lately. WTG is on a constant rampage against me. I want so badly to be able to get away from his influence, but between our mutual financial obligations I just don't see a way. That isn't to say that there is no way...just that I can't find it yet. I am so tired of being treated like sh*t.
Also feeling bad now because my planned get together with the Swordsman has been short circuited AGAIN. I am frustrated and I am afraid that he is just going to throw in the towel and say 'forget it' with me. There is so little to stop him from doing that. When I spoke to him on the phone earlier today, it was all one and we were just madly happy. Very shortly after, I got the phone call that put the kibosh on it all. I had to email him with the news and haven't yet heard back. Maybe I won't. And that thought makes me deeply despondent. Damn.
I have been reading like a good little library monkey. The last thing was The Virgin Suicides, which I had been waiting to read for ages, it seems. Now I am a solid Jeffrey Eugenides fan and look forward to whatever comes next.
Oh, and the next CD I buy will probably be The Thrills. It ain't new, but I am so happy everytime I hear "One Horse Town" on the radio that I think I should own the whole shebang.

Lawd, I Miss You Child...

My little tribute to the Rolling Stones and expression of regret...because where are my posts? I wanna be here, yet am not! And I miss you, child! haha!
I am almost out of here for the evening, but I AM going to blog mañana. Lo siento amigos. xoxo

What Kind of Gemstone Am I?

Your Gemstone is Amethyst

Dignified, impressive, and wise. You have a deeply spiritual soul

What Gemstone Are You?

This was kind of cool, because Amethyst is my birthstone and I LOVE it!

It's All Good

What a day! I got two muy caliente phone calls from Master Swordsman that got me all sweetened up. THEN I got to go on a grand mission with Team C! I have to say that it was just what I needed and I am left feeling all warm and melty...

Wed-nes-day

Ah, here I be, halfway through another week. Got rolling with my storytimes again this week. Seems I have quite a few live wires this time around, but they tend to calm down once they get acclimated to being in that setting. I took away virtually nothing from Monday's meeting besides a big heaping helping of boredom pie. Yet here I am, alive to tell the tale.
I finally finished Middlesex over the weekend. Yesterday I started on This is a Voice From Your Past. It is a nice little book for short stories and not so taxing.
I need some new music on my horizon. My cds are not thrilling me at the moment. Hey! Anyone wanna go see Donald Fagen with me on March 27 at the Wiltern in L.A.? I have a feeling I will be going alone. No one I know IRL loves Steely Dan the way I do. How sad.
Happy though...that there is definitely a Team C secret mission tomorrow! Yay! Yay! I am soooo up for it.

Most Boring Day EVER

Today is MLK day, which is totally cool. The kids are off school, the library is closed...but, oh wait! What am I doing here at work? It is a Staff Development Day, which is simply code for Boring as Sh*t Day. Here are a list of useful things I took away from the first couple of hours:
-Ubiquity
-We are aggragators!
-Einstellung effect=Enough information
-Perfect / Poop
-Bunny slippers
-del.icio.us
-Beware of nostalgia
-Stop rewarding perfectionism
-Jorge Luis Borges
-Bigelow "I Love Lemon" Herb Tea (a special blend for lemon lovers)
Think I'm on track with my notes?
More to come.

Updated Update

Sadly, yesterday did not happen. Technical difficulties in timing led to...exactly nothing. My frustration level is fairly high right now. The Swordsman, however, couldn't have been nicer or sweeter about the whole thing. I do have a secret mission with Team C this week to look forward to, hopefully.

I missed my little one's first basketball game today, because of work. Fortunately, I will see next week's and am off the two Saturdays that he has two games scheduled.
I know that sometimes the younger two especially really resent my work, which is natural. Then, I feel uselessly guilty, because it isn't as though I have a choice! Luckily I like my job or sometimes the whole tug between worlds would be too painful.

Update

The subfamily is STILL hanging out at the homestead! I would feel mean asking, "Why aren't you guys at your house?" But...why aren't they? It occurs to me that if I could get them in permanently, I could ditch WTG completely and still be able to pay the mortgage. Fantasy rocks. In reality, WTG is planted more firmly than even I can probably imagine. I just do my best to ignore his presence and that is how it is just going to have to be.

I am still working on Middlesex. I haven't been doing as much reading lately, since Milly and I are on more of the same lunch schedule. (Yay, by the way) And, this book is not a quick read. I'm really enjoying it, though and would recommend it to anyone who likes a juicy family saga and hermaphrodism.

Tomorrow? It is on. More on that Saturday.

It's Better This Way

My fav Team C member called me today and sends regrets for getting something going this week. At this point I am mostly relieved. Next week will be much better for a Team C adventure. If I see the Poet/Swordsman this week, I am going to be much more appreciative of his sort of antidote by next week.

My little sub-family (my oldest son, girlie friend, and behbeh) seem to be camping out at my place. I so want them to feel welcome, really, but they don't seem to realize how disruptive they are to routines developed for sanity's sake. They are just always sort of very THERE. Last night the younger kids didn't get to bed until almost midnight just because of the extra activity level in the house. They have taken over my third son's room and he just called to tell me that he can't get in there even now (it is 3:30 in the afternoon PST) because they are all napping in there! I feel bad for him, because his is the room they use, at it is best equipped for that many people (queen bed, big room). He totally deserves that nice room...totally doesn't deserve to be kicked out of it, although he is generally very good natured about it. Sorry, but here's hoping they are planning to head off for their own home very soon.

Getting Better All the Time

I am feeling and sounding better, getting the cough and assorted respiratory problems under control. I am almost embarrassed at how happy I am about that...the joys of growing old and feeble - haha!!!

Things are going along fine at work and at home, for the most part. Setting up a date soon to have a nice breakfast with Milly and K. I miss working with K. and we don't get to talk to her that much these days, so I am truly looking forward to seeing her.

Looks like I will definitely be taking a meeting with the Poet at the end of the week...the thought fills me with both trepidation and excitement. I can't wait to see what happens next! I also talked to Team C today and the possibility exists for an adventure this week as well. My feelings are mixed at this point. Things are getting mildly complicated, but not very often so I'm going to just try and maintain status quo all around.

The Road to Recovery

I am hoping that this weekend will afford me the chance to fully recover from the nagging remains of my illness. I am really glad that this worked out to be my weekend off.
I just began a new book yesterday evening. It is Middlesex. It is one of those books that you must work at a bit, not a light read, but seems eminently worth it thus far.
I wish I had something very thrilling to write about. I did hear from both the Swordsman and Team C today, although I did miss C and only got a message on my machine. It was a bit thrilling to talk to the Swordsman. Fingers crossed for next week!!!

Got Phlegm?

I'm sorry, I know it is nasty, but I am so tired of this cold or whatever I have that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks! I swear, if I spend one more night trying to hack up a lung or spend another precious moment of my life frantically searching for a tissue, I might start screaming and never stop. I'm pretty sure a good scream would only lead to more coughing though...
In other news, there doesn't seem to be much other news. I haven't been to the movies in several weeks, much to my dismay. Television at this time of year is a vast wasteland. Milly made me a copy of Badly Drawn Boy's "The Hour of Bewilderbeast", so at least I have something nice to listen to when I grow tired of switching the XM from XMU to Fred to XM Cafe to Top Tracks to Ethel to (un)Signed to Lucy and back again....
As far as my reading goes, I am on the hunt again for something new. I most recently finished and touching account written by a woman about her family dealing with her younger brother's suicide at 15. Well, it wasn't really about them dealing with it. It was more about the family, in general, and her own feelings of connection to her lost brother. It's called The Tender Land. I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for next.

Happy 2006! And Happy Birthday (almost) Baby Girl

It is true. I am here, back from my little vacation from work and the internet. It would have been real nice had I not been SICK for most of the time! Freaking flu...what are you gonna do?
I just wanted to stick my head in the door and say hi. Lots on my plate here, just waiting for me. Surprise, surprise. More later.
I missed you!!!
P.S. Tomorrow is my one and only daughter's 13th birthday. I would say that I can't believe she is a teenager, but she has been acting like one since she was about 8 or 9, so no shock to my system here. She's a handful, but I am soooo thankful to have a daughter in my house full of testosterone.

Happy Freakin' Holidays

Hey out there in bloggerland. I just wanted to take a quick moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Solstice, Bountiful Kwanzaa, and of course, Happy New Year. And a special shout out to those celebrating Festivus - a holiday for the rest of us. Ooohh, that reminds me! Let me show you a song me and some friends wrote on a message board in honor of Festivus:
The Festivus Song

Now it's time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
no dreidel to spin
or fat guy creepin' in
a season that quickly ends
gather your family and friends
this part is the most fun
tell each and every one
how this last trip round the sun
every wrong thing that they've done
has really let you down
but no need to wear a frown
beeeee--caaaaaause
---- now it's time for Festivus ...

Now it's time for Festivus
A holiday for the rest of us.
No big ticket items
Or games of gelt hide 'ems
Its no festival of unity
But you'll speak with impunity
Call your dad and mother
Invite your sis and brother
Tell 'em what you REALLY think
Bottoms up, lets have a drink
Spread the ugly truth around
Cry, if you must, without a sound
Beeeeeeeee-caaaaaaause
---Now its time for Festivus.....

Now it's time for Festivus
a Holiday for the rest of us
We'll gather round the festive pole
an icon of majestic length
and stretch and flex as we prepare
the challenge of the feats of strength
We'll feast as friends who hate us
are preparing to berate us
we gather for this yearly meal
with family we'd like not to see
why subject ourselves to this ordeal?
because, you putz, the chow is free
Beeeeeeeeeeee-caaaaaaaaaause (gasp)
----- now it's time for Festivus!......

Now is the time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
but keep us far away from mistletoe
because we really don't trust Uncle Joe
and big expensive gifts for kids are poxes
because they end up playing with the boxes
you know that you can count on sweetie's mom
to tell you why your turkey was a bomb
while in the den Ed, Bill and Walter stare
as if a football game were on the air
you're tired of each other -- that much is clear
and so you smile and wave "Same Time Next Year"
beeeeeeeeee-cauuuuuuuuuuse
---- now it's time for Festivus! . . .

And now, it is the time for Festivus,
A holiday made for the rest of us.
Blow out the pilot light and crank up the stove,
Insert your head and reunite with Jove.
Beware the cars carreening to and fro,
don't sin too much, and don't eat yellow snow.
The carolers evoke a thoughtful grin--
One well aimed .22 will damp their din.
The yule log burns, it is a merry light
It's Presto scent's like smoking Samsonite.
The guests are gussied up, so no one knows
that Uncle Fred has cankers on his nose.
And all those joys abound with little fuss
Because it is the time of festivus.


Verse one by Rich W
Verse two by wildblue'72
Verse three by - Poppaspank -
Verse four by Stephen lyonheart Lewis
Verse Five by John H. Spencer

See if you can figure out which one I am by a process of elimination :-)
I am heading off now, for a little vacation from work and computers. In about two days, I will no doubt be undergoing treatment for my withdrawal symptoms. At any rate, see you on the other side of the New Year. Love ya, lb @ onlyoneihave.blogspot

Eroticism

I want to mark time here...make a note of this particular point in my life. Let it be known that I am rather disturbingly enthralled by the Swordsman / Poet's emails and phone calls. If we could meet more often, this would have to burn out...it is way too intense. I can honestly say that I have never had anyone speak to me as purely erotically as he does...and he makes me feel that I can say anything to him as well, I can give over my deepest desires and he gives them back to me validated and even more charged than before. I can't imagine where this is going, but the ride is amazing.

My Cut and Paste Lovah

Milly, clearly not having enough to do today, printed up a photo of me, cut out my head, pasted it on to Tea Leoni's body, to create a lovely picture of David Duchovny gazing at me adoringly. It was a fine job....my head fit just right somehow. I laughed until I cried when she showed it to me. To make this whole story worse and even more pathetic, I took her job, did some additional touch ups on it and ran it once again through the copier to make a more uniform affect. Clearly I too did not have enough to do today. At any rate, it is a lovely reminder of David's and my big night out together...we were so enamored with one another! haha! Okay, it is more of a lovely reminder of how sometimes, at the liberry, we just have to find creative ways to fill time :-)

The CD I Want to Mix

1. Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warhols
2. Too Young - Phoenix
3. Starlite #1 - Mojave 3
4. Way You Walk - Papas Fritas
5. Rain - The Clientele
6. Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins
7. Surfing on a Rocket - Air
8. Icicle - Uncletoe's Portasound
9. Wish I Was There - Uncletoe's Portasound
10. You Are the Reason - Jeff Hanson
11. Lion's Mane - Iron & Wine
12. Naked as We Came - Iron & Wine
13. Cabaret Opening - Triplets of Belville soundtrack
14. Bus Stop - The Hollies
15. Welcome Back - Trashcan Sinatras
16. The Hidden Track - Earlimart
17. Never Never - Libertines
18. There & Back - The Legends

Okay, yes, I did have this mix and I did give it away, but I swear it was for a good cause....still, I miss it now.

My "Sexy" Name! Woo Hoo!

I Get So Mad at Me!

I am not going to a party I was invited to tonight. Why? Because I am a mom. That is just me pussing out on getting into a fight and ending up feeling sh*tty about myself. Yet somehow, I have ended up feeling sh*tty about myself anyway! Sounds like a personal problem to me....
Totally serving my time here, just waiting for my vacation. Also, in some way, dreading my vacation. Sometimes it is easier just to be here than there. That is an honest but ugly truth possibly shared by other people with families...possibly.
I'm also mad at myself for getting a little blue for not hearing from the Swordsman. I have grown accustomed to not hearing from the Team C, although it does sometimes disconcert me right after the fact...I need to step up my defenses and NOT let stuff that I will NEVER be able to control get me down!
I'll read. Right now, I'm trying Time Won't Let Me If it gets me through a long Sunday, I'll be good to go.

Oh, and...

...I'm a leetle down right now, cause I won't be seeing the Poet/Swordsman tomorrow as we had sort of, maybe, thought. I think at this point, it is going to be quite a while before we can take it out on each other and that is a damn shame....

The Day I Broke Even

Howdy. This morning was our staff Holiday breakfast, complete with omelette bar and gift exchange game. The omelette was, eh, you know omelette-y. I did suck down my share of coffee, I'll say that much. I ran out this morning to get something to bring to the gift exchange. I ended up getting this furry Christmas moose and a big box o' Hershey's Treasures chocolates. The spending limit was set at $15 and counting the fancy bag, I was right about there. I ended up, after several snatches and trades, with this tin of Starbucks hot chocolate mixes and a teeny Boyd teddy bear. I was okay with that, although I had my hands on a Borders gift card and a little boom box earlier. Anyway, DMB3 decided she could use the Starbucks cocoa for regifting...so she traded me the $15 cash she had ended up with. So. Today is the day I broke even.

Easing Through the Week

Having arrived at the halfway mark, I have concluded that I will, indeed, make it through another week. Just finished my last storytime for the next four weeks or so. It is one of my favorite parts of my job, but I do find that I need these small breaks from them. It helps me come back ready to be peppy and fun again for the little sweetie pies. Several people gave me little Christmas gifts and it is nice to feel appreciated.
Finally got the Christmas tree set up at home. I like it once it is up, with the twinkly lights. Most of the ornaments at this point are the things that the kids made in school over the years. I am looking forward to the week I am taking off between Christmas and New Year. I can use the time with whatever kids may be around. And, no doubt, there are chores that need to be tended to properly. Yeah, it will be nice. I do have to worry about internet withdrawals, but I can deal :-)

How'd He Do That?

Just when I am feeling rather over Master Swordsman he gets me again. He called me today and when I spoke to him on the phone...we just seem to have this crazy connection. I admit that I liked it very much when he brought our friendship to a different level by showing me his writing and asking for notes. That combined with a talk that was very copacetic and a couple of steamy e's...and I'm just all there all over again. I wonder what it will be like the next time we see each other? I feel somewhat relieved that it isn't that often. I don't do that well with that level of intensity. There is definitely something to us'ens though....

I had a pretty quiet weekend for the most part. My daughter spent Fri, Sat, & Sun with my oldest son and his family. She had a great time and I got a break from the bickering that goes on between her and my littlest son. Got another shelf put in the laundry room...oh, and had to replace the microwave. Gotta have a working micro! I ran out of stuff to read Saturday evening and didn't want to start something old, so Sunday was sadly spent with only the paper and a catalog or two. Which reminds me, I still have to pick something up before I leave tonight. I'll go have a look right...now.....

And After the Party, Its the After Party

Okay, not so much, but I like to pretend I'm living that rock n roll life. haha! Ah well, anyway, I did go to the party with Milly and Heat as planned. It was fine, but as I think I indicated these aren't exactly raise the roof kind of events. The theme was cute. Actually, this is the first year I remember there being an actual "theme". It was sort of an International thing. Some people, mostly ones on the party planning commitee I assume, dressed up in costuming from their country of origin or some other country that interested them. I, of course, did not dress up. This is me at the party

Party On...Damn, This is Exhausting!

Okay. It is back on. Ima party. And I will have fun. And I will get through this next little bit of my life, sanity intact.

Party On, Without Me

I feel like crying, but I just can't while I am at work. WTG called up all in a foul mood and said I shouldn't be out running around...and then I just heard that "wah wah wah" sound like the Peanuts kids used to hear when the grown ups talked. End result, I guess I'll go home instead. Man, I'm tired....

Party On, You Funky City Employees!

This evening is the city's holiday dinner. Every year about this time we get together in the big room at the Community Center, eat an adequate catered meal, sit around gazing at our raffle tickets, hoping to take something home, and watching service awards being handed out. Yes, it is just as fun as it sounds. Well, you know, it is nice to get together with all the other city departments. I still find policemen and firemen sort of thrilling.
Aside from that, not much to report. I am feeling cold in this building and it is making me want to hibernate.
Also, the Swordsman sent me this short story to edit and told me not to be namby pamby and approving. Um, well, I wasn't. I hope he can take constructive criticism. He is a good writer, but this particular piece needed lots of work. I'm anxious to see how he accepts my remarks and suggestions.

Oh...My....

Just got back from a nice long lunch with Team C. Damn, I feel like a million bucks! When we get together everything feels so right and I feel so lucky. Team C is my salvation.

Goodness

Just got a call from my favorite Team C member and we are definitely on for tomorrow. Yes! Something to look forward to, to enjoy, and to recall happily. Divine.
Lessee what else is in the fire. Work, all is as usual. Home, all is in a state of calm stasis. Me, feeling pleased as punch for now. I picked up a few books last night. Quickly re-read The Age of Grief. A lovely series of stories and the novella, which became the wonderful movie Secret Lives of Dentists. I also picked up an interesting looking little book called What the Birds See. Plus, for my oldest son (and probably me, too) I got Random Acts of Badness by Danny Bonaduce. So, once again, I prove myself a reading fool...and every other kind of fool as well. xoxo

Large & In Charge

Aaaahhh! That was a sigh of relief. Finally, I have gotten ahold of myself. I was so right...with me, time and distance are little miracles of modern medicine. I can handle the Swordsman and keep him right where he belongs. I am planning an attack with Team C this week and that should do wonders for my body and mind.
What else is going on? Worked Saturday...busy. Rested Sunday...quiet. I saw a movie, but won't bother talking about it as it was nothing special. The Ice Harvest? Meh.
I read magazine after magazine this weekend, as I had kind of let them pile up, so that was pretty restful and non-taxing. This evening, gots to find me a gooood booook.

Not Scary, But a Little Scared

I talked to Master Swordsman today and now I get my problem. I am so falling for him and that is just a bad, bad idea. I am determined to keep this under control. Well, and in the end I know in my heart exactly what this is...it is fun and that is all. I can definitely deal with that.
I think a meeting with Team C might help me gain some perspective. Hopefully, that can happen within a reasonable length of time. Fingers crossed.

Better Butter

As I predicted, I am feeling better today. There is one more day between me and the stuff that sort of brought me to my knees. I am still tired, but it feels more normal...like I just didn't go to bed early enough. I will tell you though, I sure need to pull myself together and remember my mission in life. Enjoy it now, because the future is already here...or something like that.

How Scary Am I?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?