Thursday, January 26, 2006

Sigh of Relief

*whew!* I did hear from the Swordsman today and he was the coolest. I was strangely resigned to thinking that he would surely have had is amazing that he hangs in there for me. I am touched by the way he is enough of a friend to me, outside of the craziness, to understand my "me" stuff.
It felt important to me to have someone care for me like that, as WTG and I, who are just civil at the best of times, are really truly on the outs these days. In some ways I prefer it. Lets be upfront about the fact that we can't stand each other! F*ck it! It gives me the push to think harder about how I can resolve the situation once and for all.
Sometimes I talk to D.R. a little about my home life, as he saids he wants to know all about what is going on with me. When I do, though, he seems mostly sort of uncomfortable and probably frustrated that there is little he can do about any of it. I wish he could understand that just talking can help. He claims to get that, but as I say, when I do talk to him honestly he seems...I don't know...put off almost. I end up just trading quips with him when at one time I dreamed of every sort of intimacy with him.
So...given all of that, yes I am breathing a sigh of relief that the Swordsman is still along for the ride.

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