Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A Passion for Passion
This is a story that has been six years in the making, yet I will try to be as succinct as possible in the telling.
I met DR six years ago in a yahoo group about television and popular culture. We hit it off right away...possibly mainly over our shared amusement over another frequent poster who was (and still is, come to think of it) rather stick-up-his-ass-ish about any number of topics. Anyway, DR and I began corresponding privately and things very quickly got very cute. I think I can honestly say that I loved him almost immediately. I could see what a good man he was...kind, funny, honest...and when I saw his picture I went - Yeah, that's my guy right there. And I could feel how he cared for me. The problem? He lived in North Carolina and I lived in Southern California. The early intensity diminished. Sometimes, after awhile, it was hard to think of things to say. Distance isn't good for love. That is just reality. Or reality as I know it.
Still, we stayed connected in one way or another. We always wrote. We always had our little things to laugh about. I always felt my life was richer knowing he was there in the world. Three years ago, almost exactly, when he came this direction to visit his family we were able to get together for a few hours. I know I wrote about it on here. I loved seeing him, but of course we were right back where we started...3,000 miles apart and life goes on. And we went on too, in our way, keeping in touch, going through periods of great longing, but having to let that go. Crazy-making.
About a year ago DR made a move to Utah. It was actually romantically motivated...although by this time, I was not the object of the romance. You know what though? I have to be a little grateful. I would NEVER have asked him to move across the country for me. And the person he did move for ended up proving what a bad, bad idea that is. Okay, in this particular case anyway. It is unfair to generalize. But...there is DR, so much closer, and not so stoked to be there. And by this point we are talking, talking, talking...going over our stuff, this shared history we'd accumulated. When DR started talking about coming here to be near his family I will admit that the idea was alarming in some ways. After all this time, we could actually be together, have a relationship. But we kept talking...and I felt his genuine love, without any sort of pressure. It was there though, always.
I'm not sure what happened. Maybe it was his patient reassurance. The fact that in one way or another, we've loved each other for the past six years. That we now have a shot at real and profound happiness together. I let down my guard, letting myself love and be loved. Right now, we're still apart, but not really. We're together and if you check my right hand column you'll see the countdown clock for when we will be able to actually be in the same place at the same time. This is a very 21st Century love story. But it is a love story all the same. And that was not very succinct....but I tried.