Monday, September 22, 2008

How Am I? Frustrated, Thank You Very Much.

Here is Miss Personality, right on the end there, in her first sack race. I sort of relate to that feeling of having to work so hard to get somewhere!

I know I have mentioned, a couple of times at least, my little Onion Personals experiment. At the moment there is one person there I am interested in. We have written back and forth quite a bit and spoken on the phone a couple of times. On Friday night we actually talked for three hours and it really only ended when my phone battery died. Now we are nudging around the idea of actually meeting, but it is harder than it should be.

1. He lives about 30 miles away, which isn't so ridiculous, but it is on the other side of LA from me, so traffic and time is a huge factor.

2. He is an activist/environmentalist...a real one. He doesn't own a car anymore. He bikes and takes buses and trains. He is single, no kids, so he can get away with it. While I admire this in theory, it makes things difficult.

3. When I really stop to try and plan something, I realize how difficult it is for me to find time. I work until 9 two nights per week. So other evenings I feel pretty guilty if I'm not there for the kids. And on weekends, same thing. I am expected to be handy.

3a. I am trying hard to get WTG more involved. For example, couldn't he be in charge a couple days a week? But he is playing games with me. He wants Handsome Lad back at his house, but insists the only way to achieve this is if I tell HL he HAS to go. That I haven't the room for him, am not set up for him, and he has to go "home". I told WTG I cannot do that. If HL decides to spend all or at least more of his time at the house, so be it. However, I absolutely cannot tell my 11 year old that he CANNOT live with me. I can't. And at that point, WTG just throws up his hands...nothing he can do to help in that case. Guh.

So, yeah, I am feeling a bit frustrated. I feel like I should be able to have a life outside of work and home, but part of me knows that for the next few years chances are slim that I am actually going to live the dream.


aliencg said...

I think you should meet up with this guy. You obviously think there's a possibility and I think you've earned it. Don't feel guilty, you deserve to have something that resembles a life. I think WTG really needs to grow up.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

If HL wanted to be with his Dad then I guess he would be still living there.. How is it that someone who claims to be a parent(WTG) refuses to offer help when it's their child that is asking for it.. You obviously need free time and a social life.. Is WTG jealous of you having a life outside of the kids.. The fact that you sacrifice so much already tells me that you do deserve to have a something outside of the family..WTG is really a jerk..

Churlita said...

WTG is an a-hole. Plus, you should give yourself at least one night. Your kids will be fine and if not, let your oldest son help out, the way you help him when he needs it. If WTG is too lame, maybe your oldest son will help. I really don't think a Friday or Saturday night is too much to ask. Your kids are old enough.

laura b. said...

AlienCG: Kids and guilt seem to go together somehow :-) But WTG does need to grow up.

Mrs: WTG not wanting me to have a life outside of the house was one of our issues from day one and apparently he can't let it go.
He has definite control issues.

NoRegrets said...

Churlita is right.

laura b. said...

Churlita: Yeah, I guess it is partly just me having been brainwashed for years about how time away from the kids meant "neglect". I know thats not true. It can be a hard mindset to break. And I think you're right. If WTG won't step up, one of the older boys maybe could.

NoRegrets: She is, isn't she! She is always worth listening to.

MrManuel said...

I laughed when you were describing him and you said he was single. Well, I sure HOPE he is!!!

laura b. said...

MrManuel: hee hee! Well, true :-) I tend to use "single" in my head when thinking of people who were never married, as opposed to divorced. There is definitely a different mindset.