I think I need a change. Lately, embarrassing as it is to admit it, I have been a little focused on "finding someone". I thought it would be nice to maybe be part of a couple again...or at least to date a little bit. I don't think it is going to happen for me though. I look at myself and feel discouraged. I look at my family's attitudes and feel even more discouraged. Maybe it isn't like this for everyone...probably it is not, but my sons are awful and rather mean when it comes to the idea of their mom and "some guy". I mean, a telephone call or two is enough to have me branded with some big scarlett letter...Not an A...maybe an S or an H. I think, what's the point? Really, do I need this pain and aggravation? Right now, I'm tired and down and I'm thinking no, I don't need this pain and aggravation.
I'm going to focus my energies (what's left) in new directions. I think frustration could lead to different physical activities. I could become a work-out queen! I am going to sharpen my mind, read more non-fiction, focus on important issues of the day. I can sink into despair or I can drive myself forward into interesting new experience, unhampered by fruitless and rather pointless expectations. I can be a whole new woman. Strong and independent! Forever. Can I live with that? I might have to.