I think I need a change. Lately, embarrassing as it is to admit it, I have been a little focused on "finding someone". I thought it would be nice to maybe be part of a couple again...or at least to date a little bit. I don't think it is going to happen for me though. I look at myself and feel discouraged. I look at my family's attitudes and feel even more discouraged. Maybe it isn't like this for everyone...probably it is not, but my sons are awful and rather mean when it comes to the idea of their mom and "some guy". I mean, a telephone call or two is enough to have me branded with some big scarlett letter...Not an A...maybe an S or an H. I think, what's the point? Really, do I need this pain and aggravation? Right now, I'm tired and down and I'm thinking no, I
don't need this pain and aggravation.
I'm going to focus my energies (what's left) in new directions. I think frustration could lead to different physical activities. I could become a work-out queen! I am going to sharpen my mind, read more non-fiction, focus on important issues of the day. I can sink into despair or I can drive myself forward into interesting new experience, unhampered by fruitless and rather pointless expectations. I can be a whole new woman. Strong and independent! Forever. Can I live with that? I might have to.
7 comments:
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here but with all the stuff you have been through, do you really believe that about yourself? Just curious, because you do DESERVE to be happy. We all have family that may not like the things we choose to do for ourselves.. You are a grown woman and a strong one and casually dating someone is okay. Your sons don't have to like it, they only need to accept it.
I hope it works out and you find what ever it is you are looking for.. HUGS...
I agree with the Mrs. You deserve to be happy, but does being part of a couple equate to happiness? I think there are lots of ways to be happy and I do not want coupledom to be my only chance at happiness. Good luck as you find your way. I'm right there with ya.
And I agree with Cricket and BabyBull. You've been through alot, putting your family first for a long time. You deserve the best happiness, and you will find it one way or another.
Well, enjoying your self will lead to happiness which will lead to sharing it with someone. Just be happy...or work on making that happen. And your kids - well, they need to get over it.
Mrs: You could never speak out of turn! I count on your honest feedback.
I think I do deserve to be happy, but I'm just not sure yet what form that is going to take. I might have to be happy alone.
Cricket: That's it. I can't put all my hopes into finding someone. There are other paths to joy. Thank you.
Tara: I hope so. If I can make happiness itself my goal, rather than happiness through (fill in the blank), then I think I stand a better chance.
NoRegrets: That is just how I was thinking. Make myself busy, productive...and happy. Period.
ha! My kids...well, lets hope maturity is in the cards at some point. Their dad still hasn't gotten there :-)
You also can't let your kids dictate your social life. When I talk about it with my girls, i say, "If you want to date, don't you see that I want to date as well?" They get it. You should ask your sons why they are allowed to be in relationships and you aren't.
If you're not dating because you're not that into it, that's one thing, but if it's because of what you're family thinks, then they'll just have to learn to adjust...Just like you have with them. Fair is fair.
Churlita: What you say is true, but I get tired of defending myself and lately, it hasn't seemed worth it to even try. So it is a combination of not being into it and it being about what my family thinks.
Fair is fair, except when it's not...
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