Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Haiku #32

Laura and Sarah
Known for your long flowing hair
One dark and one light

Countdown to Ecstasy

Yeah, don't I wish. I just got the reissued version of this Steely Dan beauty and I was playing it on my way to work today. This is a particularly hard album for me to chose a favorite from, as all of the tracks are really strong. I have always loved "My Old School" though. I like the strong bitter statement of the lyrics, plus it just rocks old school style, you know?
This was one of my retail therapy purchases and the first arrival. I have also been listening to a couple of cds that my oldest son burned for me. Matisyahu's "Youth" is cool and different. On heavy rotation is Panic! At the Disco's "A Fever You Can't Sweat Out". Yes, I am reduced to worshipping boy bands, but these boys seem quite clever, and sometimes quite bitchy to me. I love them madly.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Haiku #31

Bart something German
So manly for Junior High
Always making out

I Am Such a F*ck Up!

That is what I found out upon returning from my long weekend. I had a very important publication that I had prepared for the department, thought is was perfect and left it to be printed and off I went. I came back this morning to be told (very kindly) that there were many, many weird mistakes on this one extremely important page listing the sponsors for our Reading Program. They had to go in an completely fix this one page, which was quite difficult since apparently no one else here knows how to operate Quark. I felt like shit, I assure you. When I looked at the copy of what I'd done, I could see the errors so immediately that I couldn't believe that I'd missed them. Even though my supervisor was totally understanding, I felt rather humiliated. I like to think that I am a competant person, at least at work, and right now I am so not feeling it. I will just have to do better and attempt to redeem myself. Also, I need to learn from my mistake here and then just put it behind me. It isn't going to do anyone any good for me to wallow in feeling like an idiot....I spend enough time on that in my personal life! :-)
More later about my long weekend....

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Another Long Weekend

Not that I don't enjoy the long weekend. I could certainly use a couple of sleep-in days. I just hope the WTG finds something to do that is somewhere else. Just keep thinking of your children, l.b. .......................

I have had some really good talks with the Swordsman over the past couple of days. When I think of his friendship, I feel elated. Yet in some ways it is the most difficult right after I have seen him, because I miss him and want him with a greater intensity. I just have to wait for it to pass.

Oh, today I went out to lunch at LeRoys with Milly and this guy she calls her Big Black Friend. He is so awesome! A really, nice funny guy. And the tator tots and bacon were, as always, divine.

Have a nice Memorial Day weekend everyone. Mpwat! Yum :-)

Haiku #30

Skating with Lisa
She was so voluptuous
Long black hair pulled back

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Haiku #29

Black eyed Stacey Beard
You made me think of puppies
And other bright things

Eight Days Week

Is not enough to show I care. It is looking like one of those weeks. Yesterday was sort of crazy. I only came into work for about three hours, then off to a useless seminar about our duties as possible Emergency Workers. Should some sort of disaster arise, city employees can be called upon to work in whatever capacity necessary. Yes, right...if something that disastrous happens I am going to leave my family and run to the city where I'm employed and be at their disposal. Uh huh. At any rate, it was incredibly boring. Thank goodness there was coffee, but only enough for me to have one cup. I could have used more...much more. I was sitting right next to one of my bosses, so I had to attend to things to some degree. And directly across from us were these two men who were extremely into the whole thing. Teacher's pet types, sucking up to the women who were training us. Those two can't wait for disaster to strike.
Feeling a little blue, still or again. Part of it is simple hormones and part of it is just simple loneliness. For now, though, the way my life is structured, feeling lonely seems practically mandatory.
On a positive note, I just finished a very good book called Alternatives to Sex by Stephen McCauley. I had a feeling I'd enjoy it and I did. Now I need to find something else. I do have a long weekend coming up and don't want to have to depend on magazines exclusively for my reading needs. Finding something good will cheer me up and tomorrow I may go on Amazon and order another cd or two. That always helps, too. Not like I am one of those who shop for comfort or pleasure, exactly. Music is just nice to have more of....

Monday, May 22, 2006

What About When It is Only Monday and Already You're Exhausted?

You know it is going to be a long week, right? Damn, I am so tired! Sunday my dad and step-mom took some of us to Knott's Berry Farm to celebrate my youngest son's birthday. It turned out to be a fun day, but still a long and tiring day. We got there about 10 am and left right before the park closed at 7 pm. The day was cool and overcast and the park was not at all crowded. Those things all led to a good day at KBF. The kids got to go on lots of rides...well, the grown ups too. I am not a huge fan of big scary rollercoasters, but I love the traditional old Knott's Berry Farm rides. We also ate enough to kill us. So, yeah, it was a good day, but very tiring.
To add to my physical and emotional depletion I finally, finally, finally saw the Poet / Swordsman this morning. Even with the frankest words I would find it hard to describe what that was like, so I guess I'll just leave it at that. We are amazing together. And, once again, he proved to be both what I wanted him to be and what I needed him to be. So, this was a superior start to my day...but, yes, I am so, so tired, mon ami.

Haiku #28

Your name was Sheldon
You were the first albino
I had ever seen

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Haiku #27

Robin S. called Bert
It was a nickname, but more
You became a Bert!

Optimist or Pessimist?

Optimist or Pessimist

Take this quiz!

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I took this quiz four times, playing around with the answers a bit, but three out of four times this is what I got. Well, it must be true then! The quiz says so!

The Camera Don't Lie / Happy Birthday Baby Boy

I'm not a complainer. Am I? Well maybe a little, but I pretty much like to think of myself as an optimist...a glass half full type. (Is there a quiz for that?) Anyway, I am trying to stay an optimist and insist that the mess that is my life is all for the good. And since I am in no position to make any real big changes in my life, I need to make the best of it. I have to admit, though, that I have been under a lot of stress at home having almost exclusively to do with my uneasy living arrangements with WTG. Whatever, though. My point was going to be that in spite of feeling the stress, I make an effort not to acknowledge it, even to myself. I can look right at myself in the mirror, and not really see myself. Is my hair not too wacky? Anything in my teeth? Okay, I'm good to go. Then I had a bit of a rude awakening this morning when Milly sent me this picture she had taken of me at our company picnic last week. I looked at my face...really looked...and I wanted to cry. I sent back a "funny" message saying: That woman is a mess! It is true, though! I mean, I am myself, looking much as I always do, but when I take a good look at myself I can't help but be appalled. I have circles under my eyes dark enough to look like I'm sporting a couple of shiners. I remember feeling happy enough there at the park, but my eyes look sad. Certainly, I could be reading sadness into them, knowing in the end my own emotional state. I swear, though, that I looked at that picture as though looking at a stranger and I can see the pain in my own eyes. I would post the picture here for others to judge, but frankly, I'm embarrassed to do so. I think I look awful. I guess the good thing is that it makes me want to make some changes in my life. The bad thing is that I'm not sure how to really make any meaningful changes at this point. I don't want to be that woman in pain anymore.

On a more positive note, today is my baby's birtyday. My little honey, who still, thank goodness, wants to cuddle with me. His 9th birthday is today, although we celebrated around it, with a family dinner party last night and a trip to Knott's Berry Farm tomorrow. PS- I was the hit of the dinner party when he opened my present and found his new PSP. His excitement helps to make me not be that sad woman, at least for a few lovely minutes.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

I'm Going to Hate Myself in the Morning

Actually, I'll probably hate myself even sooner, but I have to do an American Idull (heh heh) post. I apologize in advance. I watch faithfully, I confess. I know it isn't even remotely cool, even in an ironic way, but I do it anyway. I find Up until this year though, I never really had a contestant that was MY contestant (which frankly, I have always thought seemed a bit insane). This year, though, maybe mostly due to the choices, I found myself really rooting for Elliot.

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Probably mostly because he was a bit of an underdog and he seemed to treat his mom with such love and respect. I'm a sucker for that. Anyway, off he went last night and I even felt little tears spring to my eyes. Now anyone who reads this knows I am a sad, sad case :-) I'm okay with that.

Haiku #26

Sweetest boy ever
Colin Kingston you grew up
And life got better

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

What Song Should I Strip To?

You know you've just been dying to know. Okay, maybe not.

Your Stripper Song Is

The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang

"Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about"

When it comes to dancing, you let your freak flag fly!

Haiku #25

You thought me a pest
But you tolerated me
Near big sis Suzette

Go Team Go!

Here is to Team C for incredible feats of strength and endurance. I recently returned from a nice long lunch and I may never walk the same again...
At this moment in time, I just want to go on record as saying that I feel happy and beautiful and adored. No small thing to get to feel like this.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Panic! At the Disco

I have their song "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" stuck in my head real bad...I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
That and my current ring tone, which is Death Cab for Cutie's "Crooked Teeth". Not terrible things to have stuck in my head if something must be stuck there.

Today was busyish here at work. Tomorrow I hope to have time to tell you all about the lunchtime workshop I attended today. Well, maybe just the highlights, such as they were :-)

AND I will be smiling and stretching and feeling like the cat that swallowed the canary after I meet with Team C in the foreseeable future....

Haiku #24

I always liked girls
With red hair and tan freckles
Cindy was so sweet!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Haiku #23

You were the cool kid
So, Michael Longoria
Are you cool today?

Sweet Instead of Sour

Ah well, Mother's Day turned out to be quite nice after all. I did end up putting together a simple luncheon for my mom, WTG's mom (who is usually nice, unlike WTG), my sister (and nephew), and the oldest son's little family, as well as my two youngest children. My second oldest even stopped by briefly with a couple of friends. I just set out some good meat and cheese, condiments, different kinds of bread for nice sandwiches. I also made a pot of chili and a carrot & raisin salad. For dessert I had a cherry pie and a strawberry cheesecake. WTG's mom brought some candy and a gallon of sweet tea. The little family brought some cookies. The weather was very warm, but pleasant on the shade of the patio. It really turned out to be a relaxing day for all of us mums. I was very surprised and happy that my second son, who can be so quiet and hard to know, gave me a sweet card along with his gift of a picture frame, some yummy bath stuff, and a bottle of my favorite mocha frappaccino :-) My third son, who was unable to attend lunch because of an invitation to an Angels game, did eventually come home bearing candy and balloons for me, and later we watched Sopranos together as our special Mother/Son activity. My oldest son gave me a cute card and later on got me Chinese food for my dinner. I'm glad now that I decided to go ahead and do the gathering, because I think everyone really appreciated it.
Even this morning was nice, as it was my late day in to work. I did my chores, then I watched two of my very favorite shows that I had tivo'd from the night before: Big Love and Grey's Anatomy. OMG! They are both soooo good! There is a two part season finale for G'sA tonight and I am way too excited about a tv show...Still, it feels good to feel good.

Friday, May 12, 2006

One More Thing...

I meant to point out...notice that there is a 100% full moon tonight. Watch out for the lunar loonies :-) Wah-ooh, werewolves of London....

Haiku #22

Dashing young Victor
Your cosmopolitan lisp
Somehow matched your look

Mother's Day? Bah!

I am not feeling very festive about this coming Mother's Day. I had fully intended to put together a little get together for my mom and my sister, and of course the kids at home. I know that neither of them will have any special plans...if I don't entertain in my family, there is not entertainment, lets put it that way. Today, though, maybe it is just Friday dragginess, I am not feeling like it. And since it is MY Mother's Day, too, why should I have to? Well, obviously I don't have to do anything...I know my mom wouldn't mind...or my sister. But I might end up minding being so ungenerous to two moms whom I love. I guess I'll see how I feel tomorrow...probably better, couldn't be worse (wishful thinking!)

I finished Digging to America and it was just wonderful. I enjoyed it so. I had to get something else for over the weekend, so I chose a couple of short story collections. One is Mothers: Twenty Stories of Contemporary Motherhood, in honor of our big day. I also picked up Like Life, in honor, I guess.

To those of you who are mamas, have a very happy and relaxing Mother's Day. To those of you who are not (and even those who are) be sure to thank your own mum :-)

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Haiku #21

There were always three
Nancy, Teri, and Eileen
Known for quietness

So...Which Beatle Am I?

What Beatle are you?

George Harrison

You are wise beyond your years, caring. A listener, not a talker.

Personality Test Results

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I knew it!

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Me & Milly have been watching The Beatles Anthology on and off during our lunch breaks. So far, we've only watched Episodes 1 & 2 of a set that contains 8 episodes and a Special Features disc. Of course it is such a cliche to say you love The Beatles, but honestly, they were just too, too adorable when they were young!
Another thing about seeing the young Beatles is that whenever I see John Lennon I think of my first real boyfriend. Not that they look alike precisely, but something about their features...the sort of chisled lips, narrow eyes, and strong cheekbones... *ahem* Yes. Well.

My Blog Word Cloud

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Haiku #20

Buddy you were cute
I recall that you looked like
David Cassidy

I <3 U Anne Tyler

I am so happy to finally be reading a book that I am not only enjoying, but loving passionately. Digging to America is soooooo good! I want to write like Anne Tyler. I am convinced though, that while she has her imitators and stylistic runners up, there is no one like Anne (I call her by her first name in my head because I feel close to her - haha!) Anyway this is one of those books you wish would never end. *sigh*

On my desk right now I am looking at another books called Which Way to the Vomitorium?. For some reason the phrases in it just tickle me. I mean, haven't you always wanted to say "Bring me the rats head mixture, my hair is looking thin today" in Latin?
Ah, life can be good I do declare.

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Missed You, Dears

Feels like forever since I've blogged, although I guess it is just, what, 5 days? Back to work yesterday, but somehow the Evil Work Fairy didn't work blogging time into my day! But here I am once again...and once again I have nothing all that compelling to share.
I do seem to be having some trouble with my reading choices lately. I am breaking my losing streak, though, I am confident. I just picked up the new Anne Tyler novel Digging to America. It looks just great and I am excited by the certain knowlege that I can count on this book to satisfy me. Some of my other reads lately have not.
In Guyville, Master Swordsman is so the king right now. I just cannot get enough of him. I love that he sends me his novellas and short stories for editing. I love how dirty he talks. I think he gets me and I love that, too.
Even so, I won't give up Team C, because I need his sweetness and the way he makes me feel connected and calm and beautiful.
So, for now, I stumble on with my bad self and nothing so satisfying as a true life partner...

Haiku #19

Corrine called Corky
I hope you don't remember
That slumber party

Thursday, May 4, 2006

Haiku #18

Ew Donnie Peron
I could never stand you
You hurt my sister

Drive Time

Driving to and from work is one of my favorite parts of the day. I almost always give myself enough time so that I don't have to worry about a little traffic. I get to listen to music, sing (this is definitely a solo activity that NO ONE wants or needs to hear), and just sort of reflect upon things. The car is a good place to cry with relative privacy. Sometimes I'll have my coffee or soda, maybe a little snack. So, now you have this awesome visual of me singing and/or crying and shoveling food into my mouth! How cool. When the weather is nice enough, I get the added bonus of putting the top down and feeling the sun and the breeze on my skin. Sometimes there are annoying exhaust sorts of smells, but there are also great smells that you would never notice if you were all sealed in your air conditioned cocoon. There is a big industrial bakery that I pass by with the most amazing smells emanating from it! It is like this scrumptious guilt free treat!
I am quickly approaching my evening drive time. Hope its a good one. I am taking a long weekend, so I will see all y'all on Monday.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Shine On, You Crazy Lemon

I wrote that on an ecard that I sent to Milly yesterday because we like lemons and shiny things and it just made me laugh....okay, we're just strange is small, unobtrusive ways like that. Anyway, since then I have had the Pink Floyd song running through my know the one with the similar title? Follow me now. Thinking of Pink Floyd made me think of a)Junior year of high school, when The Wall came out (movie and album) and b)this guy I dated a couple of years later, who really got me into Pink Floyd...especially Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here. Follow me a little further...this guy, Steve, was 28 and I was 20 when we dated for about a year. He seemed older to me, in some ways, than anyone has ever seemed before or since. I mean, he was so much older than me, or at least it seemed so at the time, and I was fascinated by that. Still, we got along fine, because he wasn't (I realized this later looking back) all that mature :-) He was and may still be, one of those very "boyish" men. We worked at Gemco together. He was in the Patio Dept, I was a cashier in Records and Books at the exit of the store. He was only the third man I'd ever had sex with and he was very sensual, as I recall. As with most relationships that end, for so long you only remember the end and the whole thing ends up seeming bad. But this was a nice relationship for the most part. He introduced me to a lot of good music, most notably Steely Dan and he also sort of set for me a loose blueprint for the type of man I am, to this day, attracted to. Are you clever and verbal? A compact sort of guy? Are you imaginative and rather quirky in some way? Your my sort of guy and you can thank Steve for that - haha!
Thanks for following my train of thought here. You may disembark.

Haiku #17

Laura Principe
Weird how much you loved jockeys
I guess they seemed safe

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Haiku #16

There was this big field
And a long gravel driveway
Ending at Proudy's

My Five Factor Personality Profile

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.


You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.


You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.


You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Interesting, sort of...

What Color Flower Am I?

You Are a Blue Flower

A blue flower tends to represent peace, openness, and balance.
At times, you are very delicate like a cornflower.
And at other times, you are wise like an iris.
And more than you wish, you're a little cold, like a blue hydrangea.

You Read It Here First - I Am Bored!

I am feeling very bored at work right now. I'm sure that is better than how I'll be feeling in about a month, but I'm just not feeling terribly productive. At least the Swordsman took some time this morning to draw me back into his little web of pleasure.
Team C is on the road this week, so I can't expect to hear anything there.

Um, lets see...I have been sort of trying to not eat so much fast food lately, but yesterday me & Milly had a coupon so we went to Jack-in-the-Box and got Spicy Chipotle Chicken Ciabatta sandwiches. Buy one, get one free. It was delicious, I have to say. In penance for the fast food, I didn't eat fast food today. However, I also didn't eat particularly healthy. Does Lemon Lover's tea and double chocolate Milanos sound healthy to you? No, I didn't think so. I planned ahead, though and wore black today, and I am looking fabulous! Okay, fabulous is strong. I am looking quite presentable. You wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with me in public

In the middle of writing this I am exchanging emails with my friend DR. He's having a happy day, which seem further and fewer lately. So, I am happy too.

Now, I'm going to just keep drinking my tea and maybe I can find one of those dumb, but somehow intriguing little quizzes to put up....

Monday, May 1, 2006

Apparently This Isn't Meant to be Settled

Looks like it isn't happening with the Swordsman this week..or at least it isn't looking good now. He's very sorry, just as I'm always very sorry. We are two sorry people. Still, I remain open to the possibility of him sometime. Maybe next week?

Reading is going slow. I am still working on my new Daniel Handler, Adverbs. His books have interested me, on a certain level. They are certainly very clever. However, I have not found them to be all that engaging on an emotional level, which I seem to need to really get going on a book. I have been setting this particular one aside to re-read Morgan's Passing. Anne Tyler is, of course, one of the most engaging novelists ever, so I tend to go back to her books over and over again.

Does anyone have any music recommendations for me? I love it when people turn me on to things I've never heard of, or perhaps never appreciated properly. Tell me what you like :-)

Haiku #15

I have hated you
And I have loved you, Alan
Like a real brother.