I'm not a complainer. Am I? Well maybe a little, but I pretty much like to think of myself as an optimist...a glass half full type. (Is there a quiz for that?) Anyway, I am trying to stay an optimist and insist that the mess that is my life is all for the good. And since I am in no position to make any real big changes in my life, I need to make the best of it. I have to admit, though, that I have been under a lot of stress at home having almost exclusively to do with my uneasy living arrangements with WTG. Whatever, though. My point was going to be that in spite of feeling the stress, I make an effort not to acknowledge it, even to myself. I can look right at myself in the mirror, and not really see myself. Is my hair not too wacky? Anything in my teeth? Okay, I'm good to go. Then I had a bit of a rude awakening this morning when Milly sent me this picture she had taken of me at our company picnic last week. I looked at my face...really looked...and I wanted to cry. I sent back a "funny" message saying: That woman is a mess! It is true, though! I mean, I am myself, looking much as I always do, but when I take a good look at myself I can't help but be appalled. I have circles under my eyes dark enough to look like I'm sporting a couple of shiners. I remember feeling happy enough there at the park, but my eyes look sad. Certainly, I could be reading sadness into them, knowing in the end my own emotional state. I swear, though, that I looked at that picture as though looking at a stranger and I can see the pain in my own eyes. I would post the picture here for others to judge, but frankly, I'm embarrassed to do so. I think I look awful. I guess the good thing is that it makes me want to make some changes in my life. The bad thing is that I'm not sure how to really make any meaningful changes at this point. I don't want to be that woman in pain anymore.
On a more positive note, today is my baby's birtyday. My little honey, who still, thank goodness, wants to cuddle with me. His 9th birthday is today, although we celebrated around it, with a family dinner party last night and a trip to Knott's Berry Farm tomorrow. PS- I was the hit of the dinner party when he opened my present and found his new PSP. His excitement helps to make me not be that sad woman, at least for a few lovely minutes.
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