Tahiti 80 have this song called "Puzzle" with these lyrics that come to me every so often when I am in my el sensitivo moods.
You know that's why
I'd like to be somebody else.
Somebody without feelings,
Only sensations and money.
Doesn't that sound better some days?
Well anyway, Hormonia McWeepy was inhabiting my body this morning. I got this painfully earnest email from ML, this guy I went out with a couple of weeks ago. We hadn't spoken since then, a couple of blah blah blah emails, so I had really put the man out of my mind. Okay, so this morning I received this email...clearly he's been agonizing over what to do about me! I guess I should say, as I hadn't mentioned, he is very Jewish. But, you know, conflicted or whatever right now. None of that matters to me, as someone's religion is pretty irrelevant to me unless they try to push it on me. Anyway, I mention it now, because that was what he was struggling with, I guess. He realized when he remarries it will have to be someone Jewish...and he also realized he isn't the kind of man who can just go out and have fun or whatever, unless he can follow through and of course as I am not Jewish, he cannot lead me on and he feels so bad and really on and on! The whole thing made me feel awful! I mean, I was frankly incredibly touched...but also kind of astounded that for the past two weeks this poor man has been struggling with this! When I think back, I realize the whole making out in the car thing may have been a lot for him to handle. When he left me, he said something about it being the greatest experience of his life...which I didn't repeat here, because...you know...who says that! It was sweet, but I just thought he was sort of caught up in the moment or whatever. Anyway, so he finally brings himself to write me this email apologizing, explaining himself. It broke my heart. Not because I imagined a future, but because I just hadn't given the whole thing much thought at all. I guess this is where my relative lack of experience is really put painfully into the spotlight. I may never date again. Geez.