Monday, July 20, 2009

Not Quite Howling at the Moon

Not very original, but I swear this is exactly how I've been feeling for the past couple of days. I really don't have anything specific I can complain about. Everything is fine, in general. Just a dark mood. And small things building up:

-There is a lot of tension at work right now. I try to stay out of it, but due to the nature of office politics it can become difficult. The Summer Reading Program is going fine, as far as I can tell. Anyone who doesn't work in the Children's Section of a public library would laugh at how tied up people's egos seem to be in this program. It is beyond ridiculous. I don't let that get to me, but it is the insane infighting that does get to me sometimes.

-My daughter is pressuring me to find out if we can get into the two bedroom that is available in our building. I think I could afford it, but the thought of moving again, even across the courtyard, makes me want to cry. I feel, literally, like I cannot manage it. I am fine in the one bedroom, sleeping on the couch. I don't care, but apparently she's decided it bothers her. Ugh.

-The Kickback Dude and Princess Diva have also expressed and interest in the apartment. I don't know how to tell them that living so close would probably kill us all. I feel like that is an awful thing to say to my son and his family. And possibly unfair. I don't know.

-I have had a complete and apparently final break with a longtime friend...who turned out to be not such a friend. I'm just as glad to leave it like this. There is nothing to salvage now. But it still saddens me. I not only lost this friend now, but it is kind of like I lost the idea of this friend too, if you know what I mean.

I know this is the place to vent, and my fellow bloggers are always quite patient and kind. Sympathetic comments welcome! Still, enough. There are so many good things.

I have been enjoying the different takes on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. Mine was yesterday, in song :-) It sounds silly to say it, but I have always been a fan of the moon. I wouldn't really want to go there, because the desolation would probably undo me completely...but I love the moon from a distance. It is so beautiful and constant and constantly changing.
Happy Anniversary, Moon, from one of your biggest fans. xoxo


Sebastien said...

Given the fact that you are a bear, now is probably the perfect time to escape the problems and do a 6 month hibernation :)

Hope that everything works out of course! I know what you mean about the 'idea' of your friend. It is hard sometimes when the reality sets in that someone whom you consider a friend is not a true friend, and not there for you in crisis... we tend to find out who our real friends are when we are at a nadir, which makes it all the harder to stomach when some one doesn't show up on your side.

By the way, Children's Section at my library is rough. I got beaten up by two little kids last time I ventured into that section. They didn't think I had the right to check out a Winnie the Pooh book. Oh well, going to stick to the 5th floor art books from now on.

Insane bear hugs,

NoRegrets said...

Who woulda thunk that a library would be a stressful place to work? Now I know. And in the children's section, nonetheless.
Oh, my, you know, I think it's ok t tell you son it would be a mistake. Say you will be willing to babysit MORE if they are further away. Or somesuch.
And you know what, sleeping on a couch long term is not a great idea... maybe you should listen to your daughter?

crazy4coens said...

Oh, my poor friend. I feel your pain. Many big things right there in front of you. I would feel exactly the same way if I were facing them. Yikes. I guess the best thing to do would be to pick one you can deal with, deal with it, and I bet the rest will come on tumbling through (like a logjam in a river).

Not that you asked for advice - sorry!

Again - sympathy!

Ananda girl said...

Wow, I can sympathize wholeheartedly.
My son and family did move almost next door and it was difficult. They dont' live there anymore. :)

I bit my tongue at first, but eventually had to deal with the issues, which was just as hard, I think. So it didn't solve anything not to say something in the first place.

And moving...UCK.

On the bright side, since you love the moon and it's summer time... what a great time for some star and moon gazing alone. For a bit of tranquility... look for Tranquility Base... it's on the moon!

Churlita said...

I agree with Nor. I used to sleep on the couch in my apartment. I finally took over one of the bedrooms and made my girls share and you would not believe how nice it is to have a room of one's own.

Yeah, I'd also just tell my kids that I loved them but that I need my space too. It's great that they want to be close to you, but again, you need your dancing bear time and space.

Vent all you want. Sometimes writing it down helps to sort it all out.

Anonymous said...

Drama at the library doesn't sound fun. Reader egos don't sound fun to deal with.

Tell your daughter she can pay for the difference in rent. Tell her also that she can move all the stuff. Maybe she quit pressuring you.

Hmmmm, having KBD and Diva move that close with the kids does not sound like a good idea. It would be a bad idea, definitely.

It's never good to hear about a friendship ending.

I'm a big fan of the moon, too. I would, however, like to go there. I think the solitude would do me good.

laura b. said...

Sebastien: Although I would probably be committing some bear faux pas hibernating in summer it might be just the answer. Forget the bad "friend", forget the irksome office politics...just sleep. Awakening only to defend you from the vicious children, of course. Thanks Sebastien :-D

NoRegrets: Every job has some sort of stress, especially public service jobs. We're the employees, who when people get angry, tell us "I pay your salary!" haha!
I definitely am looking at that other apartment from all possible angles. I appreciate the thought and you could well be right :-)

Crazy4Coens: Oh, I appreciate advice! You are so right...and that is usually how I get moving when I feel overwhelmed...just start somewhere. Thank you so much.

Ananda: It usually is better to deal with things sooner, rather than later. I guess I will just need to work up my nerve.
And yes! It is the perfect time to just sit outside at night and enjoy the peace and beauty of the stars and the moon :-) Thanks!

Churlita: I do see what you are saying about having a room. It doesn't feel like a priority to me at the moment, but maybe it should.
And I do agree that it is better to say something to the kids now rather than have them move and have things go terribly wrong...
It really does help to write it down. It also helps hearing what you guys have to say. I really appreciate it.

AlienCG: I am so not a person who enjoys drama. I come in peace!
I will float that idea with Girlie Girl and see how it goes over. haha! And you are so would be bad for both GG and I to be onsite babysitters. Bah!
Some friendships are worth ending. I'm letting this one go with some relief at this point.
And of course, you'd like to go to the moon, Alien! It is probably, like, your destiny or something! :-)

Tara said...

You deserve more space in an apartment, but I also know of the exasperating drama of moving again. Maybe your kids are thinking about all of you instead of just them?

I'm sorry to hear about you having to say goodbye to a friend. It is not an easy decision, but sometimes their actions make it a little easier.

laura b. said...

Tara: Yes, the whole moving issue is very mixed. More space is good...less money and the small headache of it, less good...but I maybe necessary. I haven't yet decided. *sigh*

You got that exactly right. This person ended up making it all too easy, which is rather heartbreaking in it's own way.

Sebastien said...

Thank you for protecting me from those crazy kids. I'm still learning how to use my claws as weapons. I'm kind of clumsy and have cut myself on more than one occasion. As you can imagine, the health bills were ridiculous, there isn't really any good insurance for bears out there so I have to stick with ER visits whenever I injure myself.

laura b. said...

Sebastien: There is a not-so-subtle prejudice against bears in the medical industry. I don't know why. Stay strong!