Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Perverts of the Library

This post comes to you by special request. I will not mention any names, unless the individual responsible feels so pleased with himself for bringing this on that he comes forward bravely. I give you...Perverts of the Library. You may or may not know about the, shall we say, unsavory types that hang around at public libraries from time to time. It can be a regular rogues gallery.

Creepy Middle Aged Dude Who Sits in the Teen Center You aren't really doing anything and we have no reason to ask you not to sit there...but do you have to? Clearly you aren't reading that book you have propped open in your lap. You keep staring, not so discreetly by the way, at the young girls scattered around doing their homework and leafing through magazines. And please quit...shifting weirdly in your seat, you perv.

Crazy Lady Who Parks Herself at a Table in the Children's Room for Hours Not sure what is going on with you and you aren't being disruptive, so there you sit. Why are you in the Children's Room with no children? Could you please quit watching everyone so closely? It makes parents feel vaguely uneasy...staff too, but you aren't doing anything...except looking like a psycho who'd like to take a little unattended child back to your gingerbread house or your cave or whatever rock you crawled out from under, you perv.

Guy Who Sits in His Little Shorts With His Junk Showing Okay, you may or may not be doing this on purpose. Sometimes it seems unintentional...you are just a poor dresser and unaware of the fact that you have let the mouse out of the house. Sometimes though, you have to know what you are doing! Why does anyone even need to sit with their legs so splayed apart anyway? Yes, guy, we get it. You have a penis and testicles between your legs, but come on! We don't need to see it to believe it, you perv.

Guy Who Uses the Unfiltered Internet in Inappropriate Ways in a Public Place Dude. Clearly you love the computer. You are on it all day, somehow. Yet you can't spring for one at home? Okay, probably you don't work...because you are on the library's computers all day. Whatever. Listen though, even with the privacy screen, when we pass by you, sometimes we can see what you are looking at. Or rather...maybe it is more like we can see the effect of what you're looking at. Got me? No one wants to see that. No, really, we don't. Get off the unfiltered station for awhile, go outside and get yourself some fresh air while we spray your area down with something highly antibacterial, you perv.

Sorry for that, but it had to be done. Now, go take a hot shower.

9 comments:

evil-e said...

Great post...where do I begin?
First I will give you the props on being a good species hunter, these would have fit nicely in the collection I have found.

I do like some of the little phrases you have used. "Mouse out of the house" cracked me up. As far as men in little shorts and obviously walking around with an "unfinished basement" (no underwear), that is very unsettling to me, whether in person or reading about it.

The last guy you mentioned is the one that bothers me the most. How can someone do the porn thing in a place where kids and mothers are present? As far as "the effect", pitching a tent in public is just mega-creepy.

I see a new trend in the styling of one laura b these days. I am liking the extreme honesty in some of the posts these last couple of weeks. Keep up the real poignant work.......

AlienCG said...

The Library: gathering place for the dregs of society.

The first guy is probably a heavy breather, too. Maybe he's shifting because his underwear is riding up.

The second one probably thinks she's a guardian angel. She would creep me out if I were a young child.

To the third guy: Dude, put it away, nobody needs to see that.

The last guy is just plain wrong. A little advice to him, don't wear sweatpants if you're going to be doing something like this.

Great post, Laura.

Tara said...

Wow, Laura, that was a vivid post. Well done! Imagining those people in a public library and in the sections where kids go to read makes my skin crawl.

We had a male gym teacher in high school that would help teach us how to swim. A few of us noticed that he'd look the girls up and down when they had their swimsuits on. He had a creepy grin planted on his face all the time too. Blergh!

laura b. said...

Evil-E: Yes, we do have the opportunity for a great deal of species hunting here :-) And the things I see here never cease to amaze and often disgust me...
I love that you are enjoying my posts! Thanks, E!

AlienCG: Ah, seems you have a handle on these people...should this disturb me? haha!
Glad you liked it, Alien.

Tara: Creeps congregate in places where basically anyone off the street can come on in. Libraries get hit hard and I am lucky enough to work in a pretty nice area!

That gym teacher sound gross.

Viki said...

Hmm, we are an interesting species...let me tell the guy with the 'mouse out of the house' - its not a mistake. Its probably some perv thoroughly enjoying every second of it.

Someone shd drop something really hot in his lap!

dmarks said...

Not the best place to serve the frank-and-beans. To take the dog out for a walk. To leave the Jeep in the driveway. To free Willy. You know...

laura b. said...

Viki: I'm sure you are right...not sure why I bother with benefit of the doubting people these days :-) I like your hot drop idea. Next time, I may feel a walk with a cup of coffee coming on...

Dmarks: hee hee! No huevos today, thank you very much.

Churlita said...

How funny and sad all at the same time.

Back before internet, my friend used to work at our library and complained about the creeps watching the exercise videos.

laura b. said...

Churlita: Too funny! I can also picture them panting over the microfische readers looking at Sears underwear ads....