This post comes to you by special request. I will not mention any names, unless the individual responsible feels so pleased with himself for bringing this on that he comes forward bravely. I give you...Perverts of the Library. You may or may not know about the, shall we say, unsavory types that hang around at public libraries from time to time. It can be a regular rogues gallery.
Creepy Middle Aged Dude Who Sits in the Teen Center You aren't really doing anything and we have no reason to ask you not to sit there...but do you have to? Clearly you aren't reading that book you have propped open in your lap. You keep staring, not so discreetly by the way, at the young girls scattered around doing their homework and leafing through magazines. And please quit...shifting weirdly in your seat, you perv.
Crazy Lady Who Parks Herself at a Table in the Children's Room for Hours Not sure what is going on with you and you aren't being disruptive, so there you sit. Why are you in the Children's Room with no children? Could you please quit watching everyone so closely? It makes parents feel vaguely uneasy...staff too, but you aren't doing anything...except looking like a psycho who'd like to take a little unattended child back to your gingerbread house or your cave or whatever rock you crawled out from under, you perv.
Guy Who Sits in His Little Shorts With His Junk Showing Okay, you may or may not be doing this on purpose. Sometimes it seems unintentional...you are just a poor dresser and unaware of the fact that you have let the mouse out of the house. Sometimes though, you have to know what you are doing! Why does anyone even need to sit with their legs so splayed apart anyway? Yes, guy, we get it. You have a penis and testicles between your legs, but come on! We don't need to see it to believe it, you perv.
Guy Who Uses the Unfiltered Internet in Inappropriate Ways in a Public Place Dude. Clearly you love the computer. You are on it all day, somehow. Yet you can't spring for one at home? Okay, probably you don't work...because you are on the library's computers all day. Whatever. Listen though, even with the privacy screen, when we pass by you, sometimes we can see what you are looking at. Or rather...maybe it is more like we can see the effect of what you're looking at. Got me? No one wants to see that. No, really, we don't. Get off the unfiltered station for awhile, go outside and get yourself some fresh air while we spray your area down with something highly antibacterial, you perv.
Sorry for that, but it had to be done. Now, go take a hot shower.