Thursday, April 22, 2010

Feeling Like Woody Allen

Not just any Woody Allen, but his character in Hannah and Her Sisters.  When his character goes through a crisis of faith and everything seems dark, he is not saved by any of the religions that he explores.  Instead, Mickey find redemption while sitting in a theater watching a screening of Duck Soup. 

 My feet hurt, my head was pounding, and I had to sit down I went into a movie house. I didn't know what was playing or anything I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and be logical and put the world back into rational perspective. And I went upstairs to the balcony, and I sat down, and the movie was a film that I'd seen many times in my life since I was a kid, and I always loved it. I'm watching these people up on the screen and I started getting hooked on the film. I started to feel, how can you even think of killing yourself, I mean isn't it so stupid. Look at all the people up there on the screen, they're real funny, and what if the worst is true. What if there is no God and you only go around once and that's it. Well, ya know, don't you wanna be part of the experience? You know, what the hell it's not all a drag. And I'm thinking to myself, Jeez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. And after who knows, I mean maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have. And then I started to sit back, and I actually began to enjoy myself.

I get that.  When Milly and I watched part of Monkey Business at lunch yesterday, I did feel how that potential for joy and laugher isn't gone forever.  It is just on hiatus at the moment.  But I can get through this.

5 comments:

Ananda girl said...

There is truth in the old saw that laughter is the best medicine. That and knowing that there are others who care very much for you.

Tara said...

You can get through this and you will! Especially when you're able to sit down and reflect and get joy out of funny movies.

Pamela said...

Ah, the fucking roller coaster of life. Just hang on...

Churlita said...

It is a pretty incredible experience, this life...Even the bad parts. This quote is beautiful and so are you. Watch movies and read books. Comfort and escapism are my two favorite ways to deal with the bad crap.

laura b. said...

Ananda: I am trying hard to distract myself and to think of all I still have.

Tara: Thank you. There is so much that is interesting and joyful in life. I just need to focus on that.

Pamela: Late at night especially, seems like I might tumble, but I am holding on.

Churlita: I know in time, this will just be a small dark spot on the big picture. There will definitely be lots of movies and books to take my mind elsewhere for now.