Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Chemistry

Dang, I get so tired of being at the mercy of my brain and body's chemistry. I was feeling good, doing fine, but by late evening yesterday I was a wreck over things I can't control.

My kids had an entire week's vacation last week. Yesterday, first day back to school after a week off, WTG decides it is time for him to have a little vacation and decides Handsome Lad should accompany him. Without telling me, let alone asking me, he takes Handsome Lad off to Big Bear. I only found out because Handsome Lad finally answered my call as I was leaving work yesterday night. I knew he was out of school, because the school called me to let me know. But then, NO ONE would answer me! Well, WTG and Handsome Lad didn't. And apparently no one else had been told anything. So all day long I had to wonder what was going on. I mean, I knew that HL wasn't home (at WTG's) and I knew they were together...I wasn't scared like he'd actually disappeared...but I was upset that he was out of school and I didn't know anything about it. Then last night, when HL finally answered and told me he was in Big Bear with his dad...well, I felt pretty angry and helpless. Not out loud to Handsome Lad. It's not his fault and he is devoted to his dad. Just inside. And that helplessness has me all weepy and feeling out of control.

That is my rant for today. I know I have some reason to be upset, but I also feel like it is partly just chemical. Because when my defenses get down like that, so many other things bother or hurt me that shouldn't. Hopefully today will be better. Or at least I better pull myself together. I'm trying to let chemistry work for me, but sometimes it seems to make it worse...not better.

9 comments:

Tara said...

Oh man, I'm so sorry, LB! WTG is up to his old tricks again, it seems. I'm glad that HL did call you back, but nothing like leaving you in the dark!

FW said...

Sorry to hear that you were upset, its certainly understandable. It's not a nice position to be in when you are kept in the dark for no real reason.

laura b. said...

Tara: Yeah, WTG's attitude has taken a turn for the worse as I dare to date. Neverending control issues.

FW: That is it...there is no real reason for this behavior. It exhausts me.

Ananda girl said...

I would cry too. That was just plain wrong.

Churlita said...

That sucks. Even if you knew he was okay, it's still scary not knowing exactly what's going on. WTG is extremely irresponsible. I'm sorry he does that to you.

laura b. said...

Ananda: It really was. He'd never admit it though.

Churlita: It makes me feel so powerless and of course I miss Handsome Lad when he is just...not here!
WTG will never change.

Sebastien said...

I recommend investing in a punching bag.

Big hugs to you, hope you are feeling better!

laura b. said...

Sebastien: A punching bag is a solid idea. I am also considering training rats to go bite his face off.
I am feeling better, thank you :-)

Sebastien said...

If you get the rats make sure to not feed them for a while. They will go to town on this guy!