Monday, October 12, 2009

Presenting...Anxiety!



When I was looking for a picture to illustrate my anxiety, I found this and it felt right. It is a tactile representation for the visually impaired. I am not visually impaired, but I do sometimes feel sort of...interpersonally impaired, let's say. I'm not sure if that is the right way to put it. What it is though, is that I find that I sometimes have trouble operating outside of my own head. I don't think that I am necessarily self-centered, but I do see how I can come off that way. I can get very wrapped up in my own feelings and emotions about something. Then suddenly (to me...it is not actually sudden at all) I am made to understand that someone else is in a whole different place and seeing things from another perspective. Instead of just seeing that for what it is (and it isn't that complicated), I am thrown...my tiny, inside-my-head world explodes.

I am ashamed to realize that all of this anxiety is also a control issue. If I am feeling X, Y, or Z about something....how could you be feeling A, B, and C? Yes, I am just that easily puzzled...AND, even more ridiculously, hurt. There are legitimate things to feel anxious about. My car, last week, as an example. Secret Agent Man's birthday, even. Both manageable, but I do cut myself some slack for feeling anxious about things like that. Then I talk myself down :-) There are other things though, that are not manageable. Why aren't they manageable? Because they involve things that aren't meant to be managed by me! Harder to talk myself down for those ones, but I am working on it. All in all, my life is very good and there is no reason it can't continue to be good. Me and my rich inner life just need to be able to give it up to that great big world NOT residing between my ears. Wish me luck with that, would you? Apparently, I could really use it.

11 comments:

Ananda girl said...

Oh I do wish you luck with that. I tend to obsess. I wish I could find some wise words to pass on, but I am not the one who does that well.

Maybe we all do it a bit.

MrManuel said...

I wouldn't consider myself an anxious person, but I am a nervous person. I worry about a lot of things and they are usually things I have zero control over.

Tara said...

Totally understand what you're going through.

Sometimes I actually feel guilty about feeling anxious over real stuff. So not only do I have the anxiety thang going on, I've added the feeling of guilt onto the pile. Twisted, right?

Tara said...

And when I say "real stuff", I don't mean that the other things we're anxious about aren't real. I mean nasty, pain-in-the-butt stuff that would make everyone anxious.

laura b. said...

Ananda: Yeah, everyone does get anxious. I tend to overthink things. I'm working on it though. Constantly.

MrManuel: That is the worst, isn't it? It is one thing to worry about stuff you can change or manage, but worrying about he other stuff. Guh.

Tara: Yes! The pointless guilt on top of the anxiety (which may or may not be pointless).
Don't worry, I know exactly what you mean. All worries are real...it is just some are more worthy of being actual worries than others.

Sebastien said...

I've read quite a few articles about anxiety. There are various types, and it effects a surprisingly large percentage of people, to one degree or another.

I would also consider myself an anxious person (but I try hard not to show it!!!) :) but I decided to let go, I'm now spray painting cars and vandalizing lots of property at night. It's very freeing and therapeutic. And I'm not anxious about getting caught. I think that's because I've been working out and my sprint speed has improved, I'm pretty fast now.

Churlita said...

I am the worst obsessor and bizarre scenario builder. I wish I could just stop. If you figure out the secret, please let me know. You could make a TON of money off of it.

laura b. said...

Sebastien: I definitely have social anxieties having to do with shyness. Plus, these other anxieties having to do with being a dork.
I'm forced, by the power of your convictions, to consider your regime of vandalization and sprinting for mental health.

Churlita: I could use a ton of money! I think a number of my anxieties would disappear right there, so I'm going to keep working on the secret to this sort of success.

Pamela said...

Good luck with that. I'm glad I have drugs.

Sebastien said...

Cool, I can't wait to see you vandalizing public property. That is going to be so awesome.

laura b. said...

Pamela: You may be on to something.

Sebastien: You'll never see it! My stealth at vandalism will be world renowned!