Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Digging a Little Deeper


I notice that most of the time after I post a particularly whiny post I feel compelled to go back and qualify stuff. Because I feel I get kind of harsh when I am feeling down and just letting it all out. So, here I am again, wanting to say something in the interest of absolute fairness.

Okay, so I did get my daughter's car over to her dad's house. And as I suspected, he is now tending to the problem. What I don't mention is how sometimes I am fine with just throwing up my hands. What I mean is...he picked the car, bought the car, presented the car, without a word to me. Fine. To me, that makes the car his responsibility. Imagine being freed from that responsibility! I admit that a part of me likes that. However, that is not the part of me I feel proud of. The adult me would prefer to talk something over, reach a decision together, discuss in advance how we might handle issues as they come up. But, in all the time I've known WTG, I can honestly not remember having a single conversation of that nature. Anyway, it turns out this isn't really about him and his issues. It is more about me and mine. How I sometimes like not being in charge. And how shameful that seems to me, when I really stop to consider it. It's really quite loser-ish and I feel embarrassed.

Funny how different everything looks when you aren't all wacked out on cold meds. :-) He is an ass. No way around it. But I think I kind of am too.

7 comments:

Ananda girl said...

Forgive me if I disagree. You are not an ass, you are human. I understand the desire to talk stuff out and do things the adult way, but the truth is I know very few people who do that 100% of the time.

I also understand the wanting to throw your hands up and let someone else handle it. I don't know about you, but I tend to take on as much responsibility as I can as a single mom... to ask little and then feel guilty for feeling exhausted from it.

Sometimes it's okay to let him do it all. If you are like me, and I'm very sure that you are, you have done your share and then some... otherwise you would not feel guilty now.

Just my opinion of course. I don't know you that well yet. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong. But I just do not think so.

Tara said...

If WTG was a reasonable guy all the time, I could see being able to talk things through with him. But sometimes there are instances where you do have to throw up your arms and let people take the wheel who are so set on doing it their way.

Churlita said...

hey, he works against you most of the time. there's nothing wrong with letting it work for you now and again. It's not like you can be the better person and he'll learn from that and try harder himself. I bet you've tried that in the past...

laura b. said...

Ananda: Thank you. I just have to remind myself sometimes that when a situation exists there is usually more that one reason for it. I think you get me and my situation very well :-)

Tara: haha! You're right about that...I just have to do my 'mea culpas' about kind of wallowing in throwing up my hands.

Churlita: Actually you make a good point there...one I sometimes forget. However I act, it really isn't going to change how he acts. I have to just let stuff go.

Pamela said...

Yeah, letting go is hard. And we are all asses sometimes. But some are asses much more often than others.

Sebastien said...

I think it's better to not be in charge when all the world is going to hell...

no, just kidding...

Don't feel bad, sounds like you are being unduly harsh on yourself!

laura b. said...

Pamela: You said a mouthful. Um, a handful? I better quit now...

Sebastien: Yeah, sometimes I absolutely do not want the buck to stop with me :-)
Thanks, I just like to give myself reality checks.