Thursday, May 8, 2008

What Do We Really Want?


To start, if you haven't already, you should totally read Churlita's post HERE in which she talks about how men and women claim to want the same things....so why do we so often seem to be at odds? The idea tugged at me...what is the problem? I think I may have hit on one possible bit of trickery that is going on here. My thought is, that while men and women DO want the same things, they are completely out of sync about WHEN they want them! And this isn't an original thought...I believe it originated, for me, with another post of Churlita's! Sorry, Churlita. I'm all up in your head! bwahahahaha! Also, this is a gross generality, but bear with me. Women most desire the committed relationship (with the great sex) while they are in their prime childbearing years....their 20's and early to mid 30's. Maybe they get it, maybe they don't. In either case, by the time a woman is of "a certain age", let us say 40's and beyond, she may not be all that concerned with commitment. She's either been there, done that....or she has come to a point where it no longer feels essential. Now we come to men. Again, I am speaking very, very generally, but my thought is that younger men are not comfortable with commitment. They love great sex, but are sort of hoping to have some variety, with maybe a nice, safe standby to go back to...say, a steady girlfriend or wife. It does seem to me though, that as men get older they seem to begin to value commitment more. They see the bonuses attached to faithfulness and trust. And as I understand it, there is no one more into their marriage than older men, whose health and vitality may be on the downslide. So...my thought is that men and women both want great sex within a commited relationship. It is just that women want it when men aren't ready, and men want it when the women are over it. Any thoughts on this? And if my idea has some merit, what are we supposed to do about it? Is that why there are so many May / December romances going both directions? There have traditionally been plenty of older men with younger women, but is this the key to the emergence of the cougar in society, for example? Digame, por favor.

7 comments:

Tara said...

I agree, I think our needs are similar, but the times of wanting those needs miss each other somewhere down the road at times.

evil-e said...

I did not completely agree with her post and my rather lengthy comment explained it somewhat. She hit with that one though.

I have what I want right now, me and Renee agree on "large ticket" items and don't agree on small things like TV. Me and her want the relationship and there is great sex involved, but me and her both know there is more to it. She is also 9 years younger than me.

Churlita said...

Just so you know, I tried to revisit that post when I was sober and could maybe make more sense tonight.

I think timing is huge in any relationship, it doesn't matter how compatible you are, if you want totally different things.

Living in a college town, a lot of the guys my age who aren't already married, are mid-life crisising and trying to hang with twenty year olds. Like you said, it's the younger guys who hit on me. Most of the guys are in their early thirties and I'd rather date someone my own age. Sigh.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

I'm so glad I don't have that to worry about... being in a long term relationship that happened so suddenly.. there was tons of chemistry and still is.. as for the sex.. its great when it happens..lol

laura b. said...

Tara: This is the explaination that makes the most sense to me.

Evil-E: Meeting someone who is on the same page is pretty key. I think, that as you've found, the little things don't matter so much...those things can be negotiated each day. It is the big things that matter.

Churlita: haha! Perhaps it should disturb me how much sense your drunken post made to me!
I like younger guys, like anyone else, but definitely feel most comfortable getting involved with men my own age.

MrsBHW: Like Evil-E, you are lucky enough to have found your ONE. And your relationship has withstood the test of time.
Sex kind of takes a back seat for awhile with small children and/or teenagers around...but at least when it happens it is good :-)

The Furtive Wangler said...

Timing is very important

- in terms of finding someone who wants the same things as yourself

- in meeting that person

- in the age you are when you meet so that you both can enjoy companionship and have a satisfying physical relationship

laura b. said...

FW: Right! Because sometimes compatibility alone is not enough. Both people have to be ready to forge that life together.

It all makes me think of The Time Traveler's Wife....