Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Maybe I'm the One Who Is the Schizophrenic Psycho

WARNING: This is going to be one of my sad little hormonal posts. Continue at your own risk.Let me begin by saying that part of this is just me being tired. I'm just plain tired. It is a busy time at work, there is some family stuff going on, and I stay up too late in order to have some kind of down time that doesn't involve me being unconscious. So, today I saw Team C and it was nice, as always. I needed a little human contact, you know? But now I am just sort of depressed. There is a part of me that thinks this is going to be it forever. This, or something like this, will be the extent of my physical connection to the rest of the world for the rest of my life. I mean, of course it could be a billion times worse. I have people who love me, people to whom I am emotionally attached. But you know...honestly, there is big part of me that truly believes I am going to be alone (as in not a part of couple) always. Is that the worst thing that can befall someone? Of course not. But sometimes, when I am tired and worn down like this, it feels...sad.
I'm sorry. You do know how quickly my moods pass though, and I know that tomorrow I will be thinking and writing of other, more fun things. And lets face it, just about any topic would be more fun than this one...


evil-e said...

Hey, when I was on my break from relationships, I did not even have a "teamC" type to fall back on. Be grateful for what you do have and you never know....look, I found somebody.

Keep the chin up, this too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

Yes but you have put it down on 'paper'. You will look back on it when things have changed. It's documented for later...
I do this all the time Laura and it makes me feel better in a way that I can't really explain.
Shall I just sit here and wait for the fun then.... come on! ;o) x

Churlita said...

I'm right there with you. I know I always say this, but as women, we know we could laid anytime we wanted. It's just really hard to meet a guy we'd actually want to have a relationship with.

Part of it, is that you actually have to go out places to meet people and with kids, that's tough.

Hang in there. I think we all go through these times.

Viki said...

I think every once in awhile we need to throw a pity party, enjoy it and move on. I also do think that when throwing the said pity party we shouldnt apologize.

So go on, have yourself a party, you know this will pass - but while in this mood - be in it and dont apologize....we all go through this - right?

laura b. said...

Evil-E: You did, indeed, find your perfect someone. And when I see that, it helps.

Daffy: I always feel better getting my messiness out there. It is a relief and makes me encouraged to move past it. You might have a bit of a wait for the fun, but surely it will arrive at some point!

Churlita: That is it exactly. And that fact that other people go through similar stuff really does help somehow. It isn't so much that misery loves is more a feeling that if others can get through this then why not me?

Viki: I do tend to apologize for throwing a pity party. People do understand it seems. Venting is so, so helpful!

Tara said...

Don't apologize or be afraid to post your emotions. I have a habit of dismissing my emotions just because of being tired or going through "that time", but you know you can vent here. Things will look better in the morning.

Sometimes I depress the hell out of myself by thinking, "Omg, will I ever get married??" but then "Do I even want to get married? Hell no!"

laura b. said...

Tara: Thanks. I think that even though our emotions are stronger at certain times they are still legitimate and it helps to air them out.
Exactly! When I really stop to think about being married again, the idea isn't all that appealing, but sometimes being alone doesn't seem right either! Very confusing.