Some of you...possibly most of you...are understandably confused about my situation at home, so I just thought I'd sort of go over the basics.
My ex (WTG) and I split up about seven years ago. We'd been together, at that point, about 17 years. At that point we had five children, ranging in age from 4-16. When this first happened, he moved out and got his own place, but about three years later the landlords of the house that we had lived in for 14 years decided that they were going to renovate and sell the property. It was a very affordable place and I couldn't imagine how I was going to be able to rent another place for six of us. WTG had been wanting to buy a house for years, and this was when all the shady loans were going on. It was the perfect time for someone shady to buy. We talked it over and although it didn't seem like a great idea, it seemed like a solution...he would buy a house, we could all live there. He could really only afford it with another person. He said that if I came in and paid every other bill, aside from the mortgage, he could realize his dream of homeownership and live with the kids again too. The other solution was for us each to get what we could afford, but neither of us could afford somewhere on our own that would house one of us and all five kids. So, for the past three and a half years, we have been staying in his house. There have been times when it has seemed fine and reasonable. But really, many more times when it has been fairly unbearable. He has always made me feel that it isn't really my home and that he wishes I were somehow gone (but could I leave my money, please.)
By now, our oldest son has moved on and has his own family and the next two are legally adults, although they still live at home. WTG claims to be so unhappy just having to live under the same roof at me that he is willing to take in boarders or do whatever he has to do to keep his house if only I would just go. The oldest boys just want to continue living there with the very minimal expenses that they are asked to meet. Neither one is ready financially to go out on their own. My daughter and her dad don't get along at all. She wants out of that house. My youngest son is becoming more unhappy and damaged by the tension. I stayed for probably longer than I should have mainly because I felt like I was doing the right thing for him. It seems less and less likely. He wants to be with his dad now, and I think in my heart that maybe if I am not there making him feel like every second of his life is about making a choice whom to love, he will be better off.
So, final result at this juncture: I am going to get a place for Girlie Girl and I. The places I am looking at are very close to the house. Handsome Lad will be welcome at all times, as will the other kids, of course. But the big guys and HL can live with WTG. Hopefully, he can keep it together like he claims he can. I don't have that much faith in his ability to do so, but at this point I just can't keep having this fight. I figure worst case scenario - he loses the house, the two older boys will have to get a place together or with some of their friends, WTG will have to get a little place for just himself or for him and Handsome Lad if he still wants to live with him.
Um, and that is my situation. Could you follow along? I know I have made probably awful decisions and possibly still am...but can you see my reasoning at least?