Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Transitional Phase is the Hardest

Some of you will know what I am talking about, eh? But this isn't that exactly. I was just thinking that I am at a very transitional phase in my life. For most of my adult life, I have been a mother first and foremost. And for a good many of those years I had very little support from a partner or anyone else. I was IT for my kids. Because of their need for me to be available to them, I had to let other things go. I wasn't able to maintain many friendships outside of the pleasant, but shallow camaraderie found with the moms and dads of my children's friends.

Now, my kids are grown or getting there. I live a very different life than I did even a year ago. I could actually have an evening out! With friends! Actual friends of my choice! But you know, I was kind of out of the loop for so long that it isn't a simple matter to find a way back in. I don't have a huge number of friends, but they do exist :-) It seems like they kind of have their things though. Reasonably, I know it is easy as asking people what their plans are and if appropriate asking if I could join them. I find it hard though. I want to do it, but something holds me back.

The fact is though, that I can be a social person. I have the ability and the desire. At the moment, I can't get the pieces to fit, but I am going to keep working on it. The transitional phase is so hard. But when you think about what you get when you get through it... well, I know it is worth it. So I will keep trying to get to the person I want to be.


Anonymous said...

If you're feeling like you're going to be intruding, then start out slow. If it's somebody you haven't talked to in a while, then start out slow by just getting in touch. Things will fall into place.

Tara said...

It's not an easy thing to jump into the social scene, sometimes it has to take that extra push. You're such an awesome person and have already taken huge steps in meeting new people. Keep going at your own pace and things will fall into place.

Churlita said...

I went through that transitional phase a couple of years ago when my girls started having other weekend night plans.

It's tricky at first, but look at it like being on a social networking site. You ask people to be your friend and then you meet other people who become your friends through them or from wherever it is you hang out and it snowballs.

I always love it if someone asks to be invited to some social function I mention, so I'm sure your friends will be thrilled when you do the same.

I can't wait to hear about your adventures.

laura b. said...

AlienCG: Thank you. With me, slow is the only way :-) And I do think it will work out eventually.

Tara: Thanks for your kind words. Why don't we live closer together? haha!

Churlita: Why don't we live closer together too? Part of what makes me want to get out there are the things your write about on your blog :-)
Maybe sometime I will have adventures to share as well.

Sebastien said...

You know, living the hermetic life is not such a bad choice. Did you ever hear about those early Christians who went out in the desert, alone, no distractions, so they could work on their faith and connection with God? That's totally random but I always thought it was interesting, good way to step back and get perspective is leave society and being by oneself!

Anyhow, best of luck in your transition :)

laura b. said...

Sebastien: I am, by nature, much more like those hermetic seekers than a social creature. It isn't easy working against nature, but seems like time to shake things up. Thanks!