Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I'm Throwing a Pity Party and Everyone's Invited


I have been feeling particularly sorry for myself lately. Frankly, there is nothing less appealing than someone feeling sorry for themself. I know this. Yet here I am talking about it in polite company. And here it comes...
I know that I have many, many things for which to be thankful. I would say I couldn't do much better in the family and friends department. There are people who care for me and bring me great joy. I have a job that I can take pleasure in on an almost daily basis. I have a fine home, and even though this may change, I know in my heart that I will never be homeless or anything like that! Could I use more money? For sure, but all in all I get by and could certainly give some amenities up if necessary.
It has become sort of shameful for a woman to admit it...but the truth is that sometimes I miss having a man. Someone who loves me. It has been a very long time since I have had that kind of love. I am not speaking of sex, although of course that is a factor...but the plain fact is that sex is available, not often, but you know....But love, with all the time and energy that it requires has been something that I haven't even bothered to pursue. It seems pointless with the way that my life is structured right now. I know this to be true, but sometimes I wish things were different. I wish that I could at least seek out a true and loving partner. And when I think about it too much, like I am right now, I have to throw myself a great big pity party and then move on. Chalk it up to being tired and a bit stessed I suppose. I appreciate getting it all out there. It helps a little. I am certain I will feel different by tomorrow and will write a post that is certified pity free :-)

6 comments:

evil-e said...

I hate to use this cheesy classic, but don't think too much on it....it'll creep up and get you when you least expect it.

It just happened to me and I was not really looking, trying, or even taking handouts. I guess they were right when they said that the right girl would come and knock me on my ass.

AlienCG said...

Trust me, L.B., Evil-E has been knocked on his ass. You'll meet that special someone very soon and before you know it, you'll be complaining about him. Patience is a virtue (and a pain-in-the-ass).

Viki said...

Everyone needs sometime to take care of themselves. You know more than anyone else that you need to stop and heal yourself - you should do just that.

As for love, trust me it will come to you when the time is right.

Churlita said...

I could sing the exact same song. There are plenty of guys I could date, but I want a relationship and I haven't met aynone in a long time that I would want to be in a relationship with. Mr Dateman was a lot of fun, but he was never going to change his name to Mr Relationshipman.

Tara said...

You know...if we could all synchronize our pity parties to combine into one big one, we could make it into an actual party with music and confetti and stuff!

We've all been there, and sometimes the fact that you know you're not alone with how you're feeling just seems to make things a little better.

laura b. said...

Evil-E: I guess you'd be the one to listen to here, so I am going to try and take your word for
it :-)

AlienCG: Evil-E's adventure does make me feel hopeful, but yes, patience is probably not always my strong suit.

Viki: I seem better at giving advice than taking my own :-) I do try to believe that there will be a time for love still in my life.

Churlita: It is difficult because I could never put my kids' needs second and there aren't a lot of men up for that...I feel like me and my baggage are a lot to take on, so I don't even try.

Tara: I'll bring the Zima. haha! You are definitely right though, it does help me a lot to know that there are people who I have come to like and admire feeling similar things.