Monday, August 7, 2006

Best Day Ever, I Mean It / Happy Birthday #1 Son

Friday afternoon I finally got a chance to spend time with my surprise visitor, DR. It was one of the best days of my life, sincerely. I left work early and the two of us went to a nearby park to talk. I wasn't really sure what was going to happen in planning out the day. Well, in fact, there was no planning involved. I guess I just wanted to see what would happen. The two of us ended up just talking for four and a half hours straight. It was wonderful. We have "talked" so much over the past few years online and know many, many things about each other. Being face to face was amazing. Being able to watch his eyes and mouth as he spoke to me, being able to touch him. I loved touching him. We did kiss and hold each other, but it felt very tender and not so sexual. It wasn't that I didn't feel attracted to him. I definitely did, but it just seemed like we needed our limited time together for connecting in a different way. After we parted ways I felt sad when I realized that I hadn't told him I loved him in person. Plus, I know this sounds silly, but I sort of wished I had kept the bottle for the raspberry iced tea that I drank while we were talking...or even better, his diet Lime Pepsi bottle....
Later on that evening, I felt this deep pain as I thought of how far away he would soon be and for how long. While it was beyond great getting together, I will now have the ache of missing him in a different way than I ever could have before.
I went home to my oldest son's birthday dinner. It was lots of fun and it served to distract me with the house full of people and everything going on. He is 21 now, officially a man, I guess? A wonderful young man, all in all. I want every happiness for him.
As for DR, we know he doesn't read here, but I send him my love anyway.

No comments: