Boo!

Happy Halloween to all. Stay bootiful.

New Official "Best. Day. Ever."

Just had to say that due to circumstances over which I have complete control, this has been one of my favorite days here on the planet. I can't begin to relay to you how much I NEEDED a day like today. Team C used their time so wisely today that is hard to imagine anything topping it. Gives us something to shoot for, I s'pose....
With love and affection,
L.B. (glowing, sincerely)

Stuff and Things

I am going through a period where I seem to feel compelled to write. I am probably exhibiting something along the lines of bipolar disease...this is like my manic phase. It is not that I have more to say necessarily. I just feel more compelled to place every little thing in writing. For example, I had an overwhelming urge to make note of the fact that Milly and I went to LeRoy's for lunch today. It was delicious as always. Came back to work though, to find that WTG was flaking on picking up the littlest guy from school...and what was I going to do about it? Nice. Anyway, big bro to the rescue, so all was well.

What else? Looking forward to Night Stalker tonight. It couldn't be much less like the original Night Stalker, which I loved as a kid. It is still good n' creepy though. More like the stand alone monster episodes of the X-files (which were the only show I liked in that series) than like anything having to do with the original Night Stalker. Lets face it, there isn't that much to look forward to on television, so I'll takes what I can gets.

Blog Tag

If you read this and blog... Here is what you do:

1. Go to your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence of that post.
4. Post the text of that sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag! You're it!

"Sometimes busy in that drive you mad repetitive way." (23rd post 5th sentence) Makes me sound like a pretty whiny wench...so perfect!

Best. Day. Ever.

I just got another phone call! This one was a Team C call to action, so yay! To paraphrase VH1...L.B. is having the best day ever!

It's Madness, I Tell You! Madness!

In the middle of one of the craziest days of the working year. Halloween events here at the library are, for some reason, very, very popular. I did a small program this morning for the littlest ones. Basically about 20 kids 2-4 years old. So sweet. I think they had fun. In 40 minutes or so, I have a second program with about 50 kids attending, then another just like it at 6:30 this evening. The good thing is that it is a fairly simple program, the community loves it, and after 7:30 this evening it will be over :-) There is no real downside, except that for these later program I have to organize volunteers to help and that is almost as much work as everything else combined. All in all, though, good times...and madness, I tell you. Madness.

Oh, and thanks for calling me today, Master Swordsman. Your emails, while interesting, were getting somewhat alarming...well, in a good sort of way, really.

Reading, reading, reading...right now, just started on Into the Fold. I have read a couple of other things by Rachel Cusk. Into the Fold seems the best so far, really. Listening to Mojave 3's "Spoon and Rafter". Mellowy goodness.

Let Me Ask Another Question...

...that probably has no good answer. Where do you stand on the whole issue of dominance and submission? Anyone? Anyone? Ferris?

Questions with No Good Answers

Can I help you?
Is it me?
What was I thinking?

L.B. Recommends

"What?" you ask, "What does L.B. recommend?" I'll tell you what I recommend...go to the movies, do it soon, see Capote. Wow. I saw it and was just blown away. It was an amazingly powerful, visceral piece of film making. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was astounding as Truman Capote and the other actors involved more than held their own...I can't imagine they could have put together a greater ensemble. The director is a relative unknown named Bennett Miller, although he has been directing commercials for years and studying film since he was a boy. Credit must be given to him for his vision of the story being told. Honestly, I can't recommend it highly enough.

I Hate Shopping

I do. And I'm bad at it. I had to go out at lunchtime today and shop for a birthday present for WTG. Like most people, men especially, when he wants something he usually just buys it for himself. I am not a very astute gift giver, as any number of people can attest. I am pretty ashamed of this, as I feel bad for people I try to give to, plus I feel like it says something about how observant or empathetic or something I am...or rather, am not.
I ended up getting him this. Ah, well.

In other news...lets see...talked to my Team yesterday and that was nice. Got mail from the Poet with some good advice. My weird friend in Florida sent me a message that was completely cryptic. I have no idea what he was talking about. Milly made me some drawrings while she did desktime in exile over here. I'm getting quite a collection! Someday I will put together a retrospective of her work.

Milly Wears Pajamas to Work

She claims that the top she is wearing under her sweater vest is a pajama top. You really can't tell...but still, only Milly can get away with that. I have, on occasion, sported the sweater vest look. Kind of get the Ellen DeGeneres thing going on. Today, however, I am dressed head to toe in black. It is slimming! Really. And speaking of clothes, I am really looking forward to dressing up as a pirate for Halloween. Argh! Avast me hearties! It will be a simple, yet effective costume and I won't scare the children with any bloody scars or things like that. Next week, I will get to be a pirate twice for a total of five, count them five programs. Then, there is actual Halloween, the following week when I can be a pirate yet again! I will either grow to hate my costume or decide to become a full time pirate. Time will tell.

Late Evening Thoughts

It is one of my "late" shifts at work and it is, finally, quiet. It gives me time to ponder all the things that need pondering. Sometimes I feel like such a child. I still find myself wanting things I can't have and having things I don't want. I think I want this or that and when I get it, it isn't at all like I had expected or hoped for. My life is full of yearning, which sounds so dramatic, but is really just sort of...sad.
I read and read to keep my mind active without actually having to think in a self actualizing sort of way. I watch television to take me a step further away from myself. We all do it...or most of us do, right? Work, run around, tend to our children, read, watch tv, turn up the radio...don't think, don't think, don't think...
Reading: Totally Joe
Feeling: Pensive
Smelling: Cedarwood Sage body lotion from Bath & Body Works Apparently discontinued, but you get the idea. Hiss boo.

Positives

Since in my last post I focused on my problems I thought it might be nice to balance that with some of the good things in my life.
1. Always at #1, my kids, in spite of any problems! They are still the best thing I have going on.
2. Milly and the DMBs
3. D.R.
4. An undending supply of books.
5. Music, wherever I find it.
6. Getting dirty.
7. Team C's antics.
Aw, there is so much more good than bad in my life. How can I complain?

Problems

1. Son who needs some additional guidance right now. Our relationship has always been a bit delicate and now I am balancing between trying to give him space and freedom, while still insisting on certain "house rules".

2. Feeling that endless grinding aspect of my work at this time, for some reason...I just don't see a restorative break approaching. Not exactly overwhelmed, just maybe drawn slightly too thin.

3. $$$. This one is always around to varying degrees. Holiday dread creeping.

4. Loneliness. I'm seldom alone, but have been feeling a bit isolated from what might be called meaningful interactions. Too many superficial encounters and rote exchanges. At times I feel like I would give a year off my life to just be able to put my arms around someone, rest my head on their chest, and just draw some genuine comfort.

How I Look to Me

This is me. A clown. A juggler.

Or I am sometimes this. A dancing bear.

I think of myself like this. A little superhero with spunk and enough anger to provide momentum.

Contemplating Orientation

Right about now I am feeling extremely nauseated from my lunch of Chex Mix. I really wish I had had the tomato soup instead.
Wednesdays tend to be kind of suckous anyway...add a little illness to the brew and you've got one crotchety grrrrl. Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post....

On the way to work today I was listening to Morrissey. His song "All the Lazy Dykes" always makes me consider lesbianism. It sounds quite fab when he talks about it. And last night on the watery Sex and the City that they show on channel 5 at 11, it was about Charlotte hanging out with a group of Power Lesbians. Sometimes, I swear, I can fully appreciate the lifestyle. Its a shame, really, how much I like...um, a certain something that the ladies don't come equipped with....

This One is From Me

Looking for proof that truth exists
I shine the blinding light of imagination
Into the darkest recesses of my bleeding heart
I see that there is more, much more hiding there
Than I had, in my innocence, assumed
I see that it will take time, time, effort, time
To plumb the unfathomable depths of that dark heart
Shall I begin the journey? Seek fearlessly?
Will you come with me?

This One is For Me

Hidden between
Short stories and fiction

Lies a segment of
The imagination

That floats with ease
Pausing momentarily

To read between the lines
And solely feel

No catalogue or
Decimal system

Exists that comes
Close to what lies deep

In the stacks
Of the soul of a woman

Another Chance

Monday can be a difficult, overwhelming day as I contemplate getting through the next week. However, it also feels like a chance to start again fresh. It takes some effort, but I do try to stay optimistic about the beauty of a clean slate. Of course, at this stage of life, no slate is ever truly clean...there are, at very least, smudges and stains on it. Still, sometimes it is possible to think that...well, that anything is possible. I need so much for that to be true. And, in my better moments, I can believe that it is.
Right now I am reading Hazards of Sleeping Alone. So far, I am enjoying it very much. I've also been compiling a mental list for a mix cd that I will probably never make :-)

M.I.A. and Happy Birthday #2 Son!

Sorry to anyone who may actually read my blog for being missing for these past few days. I have tried so to be consistant in posting, but sometimes I'm just not on the ball, so to speak.
My second oldest baby is turning 19 today. He is such an unknown to me, so quiet and private. He can do anything he wants to do, but I have no idea what it will be...
Anyway, just a quick note for posterity :-) I'll do something more deep and meaningful on Monday.
And a shout out to Markie Mark with thanks for calling today. Thrilling.

Tail End of the Day

This day is finally almost over. I say finally, but it hasn't really been all that bad. Not too much desk time, not too much in the way of extra work on my plate, and I am continuing to feel much better than I did last week.
Started a new book yesterday. It is called 26a. I'm enjoying it very much, though I haven't gotten far just yet.
The Ditty Bops are still living in the CD player in my car. I appreciate my commute time because I can listen to whatever I want as many times as I want. When I am taxi-ing, I pretty much give the sound system over to my passengers. They tend to favor 20 on 20 stuff or hearing something raptastic. I've nothing in particular against either of those things, but I have my own pleasures musically. So commute time is me time. hee hee!

L.B. Gets Her Groove Back

No, it wasn't a younger man. I should be so lucky! I'm just recovering from last week's hideous cold or whatever that was and feeling much more chipper. Saturday I did some yard work tagteam fashion with my fab teenage son. I have to say he is about the most helpful of any of that reckless feckless flock. (My children are not really either of those things, but don't the words have a nice ring to them?) Anyway, we even had a little barbeque that evening, so that was pretty cool.
On Sunday, I got up and went out for breakfast with Milly and KK (my former boss and current friend) We went to Twohey's
It was a yummy breakfast and it was so awesome to catch up with KK, who has been a busy, busy woman lately.
Got back home before the day had even really begun around there and spent it pretty quietly. So, I'm feeling rested enough to get through another week of...whatever.