Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A Party, A Reminder

Hey all. Haven't done one of my just random talky posts in awhile. It is partly that I think I am a lot busier at work and partly that I just don't seem to feel like I have much of interest to say.  Not that this will be particularly interesting, but I do have a bit of time to kill :)

Thought I'd ruminate on a nice party DR and I went to on Saturday. Since DR has been here in California the vast majority of our socializing has been with my family...sometimes his family...and occasionally my friends. Not that we do a great deal of gading about. However, on Saturday we went to this gathering specifically to see an old friend of his who was in town for a brief visit. It was kind of a family gathering. I knew nobody, even remotely, besides DR. He knew his friend, his friend's girl friend, and a few others peripherally. People from his high school days, which he spent partly in CA.  It turned out to be a nice party. The people were friendly and DR was so happy to have time to talk to his old buddy. He quite deserted me, but I had gone expecting that and ended up having a very long talk with this Cheyenne guy, a few years older than me. He was super drunk and could spin quite a yarn. He actually reminded me a bit of my ex father-in-law. When we left, DR kept saying what a good time he'd had. He was so happy. I was glad he was happy, but also felt kind of bad because it made me aware of how much he is missing....not sure how to put this....HIS kind of people. Hard to explain. Let me give an example though. No one in my family smokes. None of my friends smoke. DR does, and when he's around us he slinks off like a criminal every hour or so. At this party EVERYONE smoked. I mean, it was outdoor smoking, but lots of it. It is more than that, but again, hard to explain.



I was glad he had that afternoon and evening to feel so pleased and relaxed. What I took away from all this was the reminder of how different the two of us are in some ways. Sometimes it is hard work to bridge the differences, but I think it is worthwhile.  I hope it is worthwhile. Yeah, it probably is.

7 comments:

Secret Agent Woman said...

I was reading the other day on a blog where I lurk (it's the blog of a friend of my ex-boyfriend's. I've met her and like her, but don't want to lead people I know back to my own blog so I don't comment). Anyway, there was a post about anger and finding peace and he (the ex boyfriend) left a comment about finding someone who shares your world and your world view and how he was working about that. And as much as that rankled, I think the truth in it is that we were two very different people. Of course, to my way of thinking, the bigger problem was that one of us was far more willing than the other of us to embrace an alternate world/view rather than see it as a threat. I'll leave you to guess who was the compromiser and who was the big fat stubborn goombah. :-)

Secret Agent Woman said...

*working ON that, not about

FW said...

I'm much more of a slacker than my wife. As I've got older and have had to deal with family responsibilities, I've left a lot of friends behind but would probably find they have grown older in similar ways. I can see how nice it would be to catch up but in a party atmosphere rather than individually.

laura b. said...

Secret: I think I can work that one out :) You make a good point. Two people being different and even having very different views is not necessarily a barrier to a good relationship. But an inability to embrace those differences...or harboring resentments for those differences...that'll kill you.

FW: Catching up that way makes things very relaxed. It certainly worked for DR!

Tara said...

I admire you for being able to kind of relax in the midst of that party. I'd either feel very uncomfortable or avoid going altogether if I only knew one person. I know I'd adapt, but it would still make me want to hide.

silverthoughts2 said...

It's hard assimilating into a partner's group of friends/family. I love S.D.'s family/friends but it's always great to be around my people every once in awhile.

laura b. said...

Tara: Part of me wanted to call in sick :) But I went for DR and fought against my natural shyness. It was hard to think about, but turned out not to be so hard to do.

Silver: You're right and I realized I hadn't really appreciated enough what DR has gone through until this past Saturday.