I am a horrible, terrible person.
Today, WTG's mom told me that he will be released from the hospital next Thursday at the latest. That will make it almost 8 weeks that he's been there. He will still need lots of care and he will need to move into one of the boys' bedrooms, because it has an attached bathroom. There will be a nursing aide around part-time and a physical therapist will come in two or three times a week to work with him. He probably won't be able to work for six months or so.
When I got all this news dropped on me at work, I just started crying. I mean, I knew he'd be out soon, but I guess I was hoping for a less dreary forecast for the future. The only reason we are both living in that house is because neither of us could afford it or much of anything else on our own. Now, I am being asked to keep on trying to hold it all together, and also be the one who is "there" for him as he recovers. I feel so overwhelmed that I want to scream and that makes me feel guilty. What kind of person have I become?
I do understand how awful this must be for him. He is the sick one. Yet that hasn't stopped him from criticizing everything that I have done trying to keep the ship afloat. It hasn't stopped him from refering to his dad and brother, who haven't offered to help us (meaning me and the kids) in any way as his team and taking every opportunity to make me feel like someone who would betray him at the slightest turn. And look at me. Maybe I am that person.
Geez, this is very depressing, but as the Queen of Denial I will no doubt be back in fine form soon. Thanks for letting me vent.