Friday, December 17, 2010

Read at Your Own Peril

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately.   Part of it is just seasonal.  Every year I end up berating myself for somehow lacking the joy of the season.  There is no genuine reason to be stressed as far as Christmas goes, but still...I am stressed.  I just am.  And yet in the end, I've never had a bad or even disappointing Christmas.  So, it is hard to explain. 

Also, there seems to be a lot going on in the family right now.  Kick Back Dude doesn't have a car right now, so he's been driving Girlie Girl's, while the rest of us are trying to figure out a way to get him a new car.  Yet look at me.  A couple of months ago, my mom had to save me when I needed a car.  How are any of us still functioning! 

Handsome Lad is in some kind of feud with his dad.  This leads to more time with me and I enjoy that, but there is some anxiousness about it.  He gets very clingy and it is difficult when he doesn't want to talk to his dad sometimes. 

Everything is making me feel sort of nervous.  I find myself seeking reassurances from DR..and instead of just asking for what I need, I tend towards saying stupid things trying to get his attention.  He doesn't have much patience for it, refuses to react the way I wish he would, and I end up just feeling worse. 

To top it all off, Princess Diva seems to be having a nervous breakdown, literally.  Last night, Kick Back Dude had to call for help because she was threatening to hurt herself.  She was taken to the hospital and we thought they were going to observe her for 72 hours, but she was released awhile ago.  I don't know what's going on, but of course it is upsetting for everyone.  

So, there are my complaints.  My worries.  My tiny hells.   I feel like a cat laying a gross dead mouse at your feet and wanting something from you, but I couldn't say what.  Possibly just getting it all out there is enough.  Thanks, blog friends.  I do appreciate you being out there.


Pamela said...

Well, that we are. Sounds like a lot to me! At least you are aware and aren't striking out at anyone (verbally that is - I don't think you'd ever do it physically). As for Princess Diva, make sure she's getting the help she needs. Ask Kick Back Dude what help he needs to help her! It's all in everyone's best interest, in my opinion...
And men, jeez, they never want to play silly girly emotional games. How dare they.

BrightenedBoy said...

Men are very stupid sometimes without meaning to be. As a gay man I find I often tend to approach things like a woman would, and therefore am prone to using a woman's circuitous means of communication.

Men usually don't respond to this because they don't understand it.

I would try just outright telling DR what's on your mind and see how he takes it.

I'm very sorry to hear about Princess Diva, and about Handsome Lad.

If he's having a feud with his father it makes me question the parent, not the son. What is his father doing to make him feel this way?

Feuds by definition require two parties, and any adult who can have a feud with a thirteen-year-old is suspect in my book.

FW said...

Sorry to hear about these concerns and anxieties. I hope it has somehow been cathartic to share them. This time of year sometimes brings things to a head, I don't know why that is but it is quite common to be depressed at this time of year.

Tara said...

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through all of this LB. Things will smooth out as messy pileups eventually do, but I'm hoping they straighten out for you sooner rather than later so that you can enjoy Christmas and the New Year. Very sorry to hear about the scare over Princess Diva! You're all in my thoughts and I hope she recovers.

Hoping 2011 brings less stress and much better times.

laura b. said...

NoRegrets: We can already see how difficult it is going to be to get proper help for Princess Diva, but it looks like at the beginning of the week, she should be able to see someone on an emergency basis for some anti-anxiety meds, just to deal with the immediate issues...and then hopefully lots of good therapy.

haha! I know! He won't play my sad games. I get it, but it still frustrates me in the moment.

BB: I do think you're right about some miscommunications just being a function of gender. On my end, I can never tell if I should admire DR for not allowing me to manipulate his reactions or if I should know that I couldn't manipulate him anyway, because he just doesn't get it. If that makes sense. I do need to learn to be more forthright with what I need from people.

You're also right about the father - son feud. WTG (my ex) can be notoriously poor at dealing with our kids as the parent in the relationship. It has always been one of the big issues between us.

FW: I has been cathartic to share, thank you. And you make an excellent point. If I, a relatively healthy person, is stressed at this time of year...I have to try to imagine what it might be like for someone who was already feeling on a thin line. Good perspective.

Tara: Thank you so much. These family issues do have a way of working themselves out. And it it does and did help a lot to just talk about it here...which I actually haven't had much occasion to do on my blog lately.
On to a better 2011 :-)

secret agent woman said...

I hate when blogger eats my comments.

Mostly my comment boiled down to saying I was sorry you were dealing with this. I found myself just today seeking reassurance that I know I shouldn't look for and yet... It's tough.

laura b. said...

Secret: Thank you. When I post things like this, I am looking for reassurance and understanding and generally, it works. People are so kind if you let them be.

Churlita said...

Ugh! I'm sorry. Stinky is having problems with her dad too...Or always. He just says really insensitive (read: mean) things to her and makes her cry. She won't stay at his house anymore, and she's coming close to not having any contact at all. too bad he's such a jerk he doesn't even realize it.

You have so much going on right now. I hope DR is there for you how you need him.

crazy4coens said...

I hope you are feeling better by now.

The holidays suck - expectation wise, anyway. They are rarely as good or as bad as we imagine.

Help Princess Diva get enough water, sleep and exercise. (How I don't know...)

You, too!

laura b. said...

Churlita: It is difficult watching these dad/kid dynamics play out without really being able to do anything about it. All we can do is be the voice of sanity.
I am feeling calmer and it does help when I have a chance to really unload on DR, poor guy :-)

C4C: I am feeling better, thank you.
The holidays usually turn out better than I imagine. I don't knw why I get so doomsday about it.
That are great and practical suggestions. You're right, hard to implement, but nonetheless, things to at least remind her of to show concern.