Thursday, December 23, 2010

Festivus, A Holiday for the Rest of Us

"The Festivus Song"
written in 2003 by three people who got it
by Rockyhors (DR),
Wildblue (me),
We store it in our crawl space when we aren't using it!
And two people who didn't:
and John H. Spencer.

Now it's time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
no dreidel to spin
or fat guy creepin' in
a season that quickly ends
gather your family and friends
this part is the most fun
tell each and every one
how this last trip round the sun
every wrong thing that they've done
has really let you down
but no need to wear a frown
---- now it's time for Festivus ...

Now it's time for Festivus
A holiday for the rest of us.
No big ticket items
Or games of gelt hide 'ems
Its no festival of unity
But you'll speak with impunity
Call your dad and mother
Invite your sis and brother
Tell 'em what you REALLY think
Bottoms up, lets have a drink
Spread the ugly truth around
Cry, if you must, without a sound
---Now its time for Festivus.....

Now it's time for Festivus
a Holiday for the rest of us
We'll gather round the festive pole
an icon of majestic length
and stretch and flex as we prepare
the challenge of the feats of strength
We'll feast as friends who hate us
are preparing to berate us
we gather for this yearly meal
with family we'd like not to see
why subject ourselves to this ordeal?
because, you putz, the chow is free
Beeeeeeeeeeee-caaaaaaaaaause (gasp)
----- now it's time for Festivus!......

Note: Goes wildly off course here ---

Now is the time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
but keep us far away from mistletoe
because we really don't trust Uncle Joe
and big expensive gifts for kids are poxes
ecause they end up playing with the boxes
you know that you can count on sweetie's mom
to tell you why your turkey was a bomb
while in the den Ed, Bill and Walter stare
as if a football game were on the air
you're tired of each other -- that much is clear
and so you smile and wave "Same Time Next Year"
---- now it's time for Festivus! . . .

And now, it is the time for Festivus,
A holiday made for the rest of us.
Blow out the pilot light and crank up the stove,
Insert your head and reunite with Jove.
Beware the cars careening to and fro,
don't sin too much, and don't eat yellow snow.
The carolers evoke a thoughtful grin--
One well aimed .22 will damp their din.
The yule log burns, it is a merry light
It's Presto scent's like smoking Samsonite.
The guests are gussied up, so no one knows
hat Uncle Fred has cankers on his nose.
And all those joys abound with little fuss
Because it is the time of Festivus

I guess posting The Festivus Song each year is my longest standing tradtion here at What Fresh Hell is This?  Makes me all warm inside. the past year, you have disappointed me in the following ways....
(Said in my awesome and loud Frank Costanza voice, of course.)

Happy Festivus, one and all!


Churlita said...

Happy bleated Festivus! I had a friend who went to a whole Festivus party last year. Too funny.

laura b. said...

Churlita: I think I'd like to throw a Festivus party...maybe next year will be the year :-)