Dear Would-Be Volunteer,
Thank you for offering your services here at our library. How wonderful that you are a retired teacher and an excellent reader. I'm sorry that we do not have a volunteer based program to suit your needs. Yes, how rewarding to send an army of volunteers into the community to read to school children! No, we don't have a program like that in place. We do read to children, but at this point in time, I'm sorry, but all of our storytimes are handled by paid professionals. We do offer a large number of other volunteer opportunities. Oh, those would not be "stimulating" enough for you? You want to do something "that will really make a difference"? Thank you for implying that a good deal of what we actually get paid to do would not be stimulating or important enough for an "excellent reader" such as yourself to bother with. No, I'm not at all insulted. I'm sure you didn't mean to demean what we do here. Oh, yes, I can imagine how difficult it has been trying to offer up your services like this and finding nothing that suits you! Um, no, I wouldn't say that you are "just too altruistic". altruistic - showing unselfish concern for the welfare of others Wanting to do what you want to do, without regard for what is in place, is not altruism. But thanks for playing. You probably don't realize that volunteer programs, especially ones that involve interaction between volunteers and other members of the public are very staff intensive. What about the day you don't show up? Guess who has to do what you committed to doing? Guess who has to set up these fun loving reading sessions that you have pictured in your head? Guess who gets the heat if you do or say anything that some other member of the pubic doesn't care for? Is it you, the kindly volunteer...or is it the city institution that turned you loose on the world. Yeah, thats right. We are responsible. So, best of luck to you on your quest for a proper setting for the movie playing in your head.
(Paid decent money to do things that sometimes aren't all that glamorous)