Monday, December 4, 2006

Muzak

I am sitting on the phone waiting to pay my electric bill with a check by phone. I am at my desk, phone cradled between my shoulder and ear and the sounds of smooth jazz...okay blah, blah, blah...done. I am still working on paying this bigass deposit that I incurred when I got my power shut off a few weeks ago. Luckily the nice people at Edison broke my 750. down into four monthly payments of 190. On top of my regular enormous electric bill, I barely feel it. Okay, not to be a whiner, but dang! My bills just keep going up and my salary just keeps staying the same! I could use a second job, but don't know when I would do it, plus I sometimes feel that I barely see my kids as it is. At least I am not in debt. I would be probably, but I had to give up credit cards quite a few years ago :-) Nowadays it is just a matter of staying afloat.
The words to the Blue October Song "Into the Ocean" seem completely appropriate here:

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life that's sadly stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

You're floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jets, I'm sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
So thought no end my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

2 comments:

esb138 said...

eek, too creepy on the song. I hate when something completely relates to a bad situation--makes one almost believe in coincidences.
Keep plugging away (sounds cheesy), one day things will work out for you. Just keep the chin up (and somewhat above water) everything has a way of working out.

l.b. said...

It is a song I like that sometimes fits my mood a little too well, as you said.
Thanks for the nice words. I too believe that things have a way of working out.