I must say, things have been very up and down for me lately. The down is mostly just very ordinary stuff. Never quite feeling quite safe financially, which leads to the shame I feel when I'm perceived as being stingy. Some struggles with the people closest to me, which leads to feeling misunderstood, helpless, and lonely.
Here is something that is bothering me. Yesterday, when it was still fairly quiet in the library, I was pulling some books from the shelves when suddenly two teenage boys came up behind me. I heard a bit of a scuffle, then one of them grabbed my butt. I turned to them and they were laughing. I was furious, but just told them to get out of the library. I was going to leave it at that. One of the boys walked right towards the exit. The other one had the nerve to stop at the service desk and tell the Associate Director who happened to be working there, "The woman back there is making an unsafe environment for me." Seriously. Let's call her...Smiley...looked up and saw me and told the boy that I was an employee and if he was asked to leave he needed to leave. He started walking away and I muttered that he'd grabbed my ass. She started after him and I think just told him not to come back in for the rest of the day. She asked me to write an incident report, which then goes to everyone. So, I did. And of course, everyone has something to say about it. Some people felt I should have called the police...which seemed a bit much. Some people seemed to find it somewhat comical. It isn't that I don't understand that reaction, but it didn't seem funny to me. I know I am not the best humored person, but honestly, it felt like a pretty big invasion of my person. These were not small children, they were probably 15 or 16 and it felt creepy. So, I admit, the more jovial views of it have kind of upset me. Even the person I counted on most to sympathize went to the default snicker position. I guess part of me resents the internal chastising I've been giving myself for overreacting to what is, in the big picture, a small matter. Not outwardly overreacting...well, maybe once...but mostly internally sort of obsessing a little.
So...I am feeling mildly disgruntled. Yet there have been good things happening too. And those, I will save for another post. Because this one is just...ick.