Saturday, August 28, 2010

Any Good News?

Feeling a bit blue.  Not that everything is bad...not by a long shot.  The kids are back in school and seem happy with their classes and are getting right back into the routine.  Work is fine and being there does give me a sense of purpose.

But there are troubles too.  Kick Back Dude and Princess Diva are having serious relationship problems.  That isn't unusual for a young couple.  They're under a lot of pressure with three small children, never quite enough money, very different personalities and priorities.  I just feel so bad for them....well, if I'm honest, I feel bad for Kick Back Dude and the kids.  Princess Diva comes from a severely damaged family and I have to say that it is really starting to show, through some of her actions and decisions.  I am trying hard to stay out of their problems.  It is between them, I know.  But I worry about them a lot.
Three good reasons to try.
 As I've alluded, I am having issues with the whole DR thing.  There is nothing wrong between the two of us.  I still love him, he says he loves me.  We talk every day or two and a couple of times I've tried to bring up my concerns, but it didn't feel that useful.  Also, I do recognize that DR is going through a tough time with his family there and I certainly don't want  to make things worse.  My problem is, though, that I sincerely don't see how he is going to be able to return here within the time we were hoping for.  When I tell him that, and tell him why I think that, he just asks me not to jump ahead and decide that right now...but how can I not?   Apparently, what feels like thinking realistically to me, feels like rashly jumping to conclusions to him.  So I stop talking about it.  But I worry.  And when I don't worry,  I feel like I've put up a wall to protect myself from what I see eventually happening.  Trying not to borrow trouble, but it is just sitting right there, begging to be taken up.  sigh.

So, I am looking for some good news.  Be a pal and share :-) 


secret agent woman said...

I guess your kids never get to a point where you stop worrying about them, do they?

I'm sorry about the relationship uncertainty. That's unsettling.

I don't have any specific good news yet, but I'm feeling pretty content with things developing in my life.

BrightenedBoy said...

It's hard to walk the line of giving your children their space while trying to be a constructive presence in their lives.

If I were you, I would make it known to both Kick Back Dude and Princess Diva that you are there to give them help and advice if they want it but that you will not force it on them.

Good luck with all of this.

Tara said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Kick Back Dude and his family, and I am frustrated for you and the DR issue. The love is still there, which is extremely important. But I would be doing the same thing you are, trying to look ahead and thinking about what to do next. Wishing you and DR the best of luck, I hope everything gets straightened out sooner rather than later.

Good news? I love my new computer! It's glorious, I don't know why I never considered a Mac before. Oh and my laundry's almost done! Yay! :D

laura b. said...

Secret: No, you'll always worry about your kids, even when they are grown.
I always enjoy reading about your life and it DOES seem like things are going great :-D

BrightenedBoy: That is good advice and good to get it from a person close in age to my grown sons. Thank you.

Tara: I really do have a hard time leaving things unsettled. I guess I need to remember that not everything can BE least not on my schedule :-) Thanks for you kind words and for your good news! I foresee that I, too, am going to have to make a computing decision in the near future :-)

Churlita said...

I hope Kickback Dude and his dudette are able to work things out.

I think you and DR are dealing with the difference between men and women. Women seem to over analyze and worry about everything and a lot of men don't analyze things enough and just wait for things to happen to them.

Pamela said...

So, can there ever be any end in sight even if it's longer than a year? My friend did long distance for two years. Also, can you visit him?

Sorry, relationships are really hard. I hope it works out. Really do.

Seems my COBRA will be worked out. CEO of my old org was positive. I won't count the chickens yet though.

laura b. said...

Churlita: I really hope so too.
And I believe you've hit the nail right on the head. He doesn't understand why I insist on talking about something that may or may not happen and I don't understand why he can't talk over possibilities with me.

NoRegrets: There isn't anything magical about the one year mark. It is just that is what we'd fixed upon and I guess I'd just maybe like to see him working toward it more. I need it to be important to him to get back here. Thanks for understanding what hard work it is.
And I hope your good news comes through! Come on, COBRA!

Ananda girl said...

Relationships are always hard work. I understand how you feel about your kids' relationship problems. You want to help, but know you have limits that can't be crossed. Frustrating, but you care. Good mom!

When Randy and I were 200 miles apart, I had my bad days when I thought we would never get together.
It was one of the hardest things I have done. I certainly understand your wanting reassurance that it will happen. I did too.

I agree with Churlita that there is a difference between men and women and how they respond. Randy often told me not to worry. But I did. I could not help it. As it happened it's all worked out very well for me. But that waiting was a terrible thing. And at least I was close enough to go often to visit. All I can say is keep talking and keep believing!

Good news? My internet service problems are over and I'm back on line again. At least until the next time. Ha.

FW said...

Sorry to hear about your son's problems, it's a dilemma for you to know how you can help for the best. You seem to have it right though, so keep doing what you're doing. There are some tests in life that couples just have to work through on their own though so try not to carry so much on your shoulders.

As for DR and that situation, you don't strike me as the sort to think unrealistically. DR may be too close to the situation to have your objective level of awareness. It sounds like he has a lot of pressure on him. He may not be aware of not wanting to acknowledge the reality. Maybe the two of you can agree a contingency strategy in case things do take longer, like a tactical withdrawal so over time he retreats back to his life with you.

laura b. said...

Ananda: Yeah, adult kids...and that fine line of caring, but not oversharing. sigh.
I know how hard that wait was for you, and that you have a great understanding of what my issues are here. For us, even visiting would be quite an extra expense. Not ruling it out, but wow, it would be challenge.
Every day you are living your good news :-) I love how things worked out for you! And the computer stuff is good too :-D

FW: You are exactly right about my son and his partner's issues. I have to really remind myself that no matter how much I care, they aren't MY issues to deal with.

I really appreciate your comments about the DR situation too. I agree that he is probably just trying to get through the day to day stuff and maybe isn't seeing the big picture. Not always a bad thing, because sometimes you really do just need to focus on what is right there, right now.
I like the idea of a contingency plan...thanks so much.