How Will I Be Defined in the Dictionary

lb -- [noun]: A master blogger 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Of course :-)

I Am So BORED!

For some reason, work has felt especially boring lately. I'm not sure what my issue is, but I am feeling very understimulated mentally. We won't even get into the physical (not right this moment, anyway)
Well, I had my nice lunch with Milly and DMB3 yesterday. Today it was yogurt while watching part of Chinatown with Mil. DMB3 came in briefly to share with us her insights about the film. Okay, that was kinda boring too...
I did some more editing for the Swordsman yesterday. That was at least more interesting than anything else I had going on. He's lucky to have all this time to write. Although even if I had time, I'm sure I wouldn't take advantage of it properly. I do have my mental blocks, thats for sure.
I sent Team C a card, but don't expect to hear back from him. He makes me sad like that, but I try not to take it too personally. I guess I do get what I need from him in the end, so I can't complain.
Oh! And here is Punxsutawny Phil's call for this year:

Phil Says Six More Weeks of Winter!
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/06 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Around the country there are many imitators of me.

In Harrisburg there is Gus who appears on TV
working for the lottery.

Then all around town,
Cute groundhog statues abound.
They all look like me, I found.

Today on the Knob as I'm doing my job,
I don't like this likeness of me.

It's my shadow I see. Six more weeks of mild winter there will be.

Back to me: Oh well. Happy Groundhog Day. More winter, so suck it up.

Not So Blue...Or Brown

I'm feeling much better today, thank you very much. Yesterday, its true, I was tired and depressed. Today things are looking better. I am surprised over and over again by the Swordsman...why do I tend to underestimate the veracity of his friendship? I shouldn't and will try not to in the future.

Tomorrow Milly and I are taking DMB3 out for a farewell lunch at LeRoys. It is also Milly's B-day, so I think I will treat them both :-) In preparation, I will eat lightly for the next 22 hours...soup or yogurt for dinner tonight. Neither of which are as healthy as you might first imagine. The soup is Creamy Tomato (cream..not nice broth). The yogurt is either chocolate mousse style or vanilla with tiny m&m's to sprinkle on top. But I want to be good and hungry for my eggs, tots, and bacon tomorrow. Woo hoo!

What Flower Am I?

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

These lame quizzes are oddly addictive. Lily is an awesome flower, though...

Which "Sex and the City" Vixen Am I

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

Huh. Waddaya know?

Low, Low Down

My favorite page from Dr. Seuss' My Many Colored Days is the one with this text: Some days, of course, feel sort of Brown. Then I feel slow and low, low down. The illustration is a eloquently simple sleeping bear , who somehow manages to look at if his dreams might be troubling him. I feel for that bear. I am that bear! There are specific reasons for why I am feeling this way, which I will share with you when I can put my thoughts about everything into words more clearly. For me, that tends to require a little time and space. For now, just sitting and feeling Brown.

What Scent Am I?

Your Scent is Mango

Sultry, sweet, and mellow You enjoy every moment of life!

What Scent Are You?

This should make me feel better, shouldn't it? I'm enjoying every moment of life - woo hoo!

I Just Don't Know

What don't I know, you may ask. Feels like I just can't figure out anything some days. I don't know if I am just tired, or if there is something from my subconscious that is nagging at me, but ever since yesterday afternoon I have had this sort of nagging sense of dread. Something isn't right, but I'm not sure what. Maybe I just need a good night's rest. Or something chemical to modify my mood. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away.

I Saw This On One of the Blogs I Lurk

Here are seven things about me, l.b.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:

1 - Travel
2 - Write a book and get it published
3 - Eat an extremely expensive meal (throw in a ridiculously priced wine, too)
4 - Learn to play an instrument
5 - Have my very own home, just mine
6 - Become more socially adept
7 - Meet my soulmate (I know it is corny...)

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1 - Live without chocolate for long
2 - Whistle well
3 - Not read (I crave it like sleep or food)
4 - Play sports that require coordination
5 - Talk confidently to new people
6 - Make up my mind
7 - Purposely let my kids down

Seven Things That Attract Me To...Blogging:

1 - Getting to write
2 - Thinking that at least a couple of people might see what I write
3 - Having a good laugh almost everyday
4 - Something that occupies my mind
5 - Boredom
6 - Talking about me, me, me
7 - I like to say the word "Blog"

Seven Things I Say Most Often:

1 - Yes
2 - Riiiiight
3 - Whatever
4 - Huh
5 - Of course!
6 - Good job!
7 - No

Seven Books That I Loved:

1 - Still Life With Woodpecker - Tom Robbins
2 - Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
3 - Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret - Judy Blume
4 - Saint Maybe - Anne Tyler
5 - Little Children - Tom Perrotta
6 - Marriage: a Duet - Anne Taylor Fleming
7 - Short History of a Prince - Jane Hamilton

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again:

1 - Zoolander
2 - Office Space
3 - Heavyweights
4 - Fargo
5 - Ed Wood
6 - Waiting for Guffman
7 - Spinal Tap

Seven People That Get to Join In Too (if they haven't already):

1 - Milly
2 - A. Marie
3 - Nancy
4 - Willam
5 - Napoleon Park
6 - Trash Culture connoisseur
7 - Part-time Thinker

Sigh of Relief

*whew!* I did hear from the Swordsman today and he was the coolest. I was strangely resigned to thinking that he would surely have had enough...it is amazing that he hangs in there for me. I am touched by the way he is enough of a friend to me, outside of the craziness, to understand my "me" stuff.
It felt important to me to have someone care for me like that, as WTG and I, who are just civil at the best of times, are really truly on the outs these days. In some ways I prefer it. Lets be upfront about the fact that we can't stand each other! F*ck it! It gives me the push to think harder about how I can resolve the situation once and for all.
Sometimes I talk to D.R. a little about my home life, as he saids he wants to know all about what is going on with me. When I do, though, he seems mostly sort of uncomfortable and probably frustrated that there is little he can do about any of it. I wish he could understand that just talking can help. He claims to get that, but as I say, when I do talk to him honestly he seems...I don't know...put off almost. I end up just trading quips with him when at one time I dreamed of every sort of intimacy with him.
So...given all of that, yes I am breathing a sigh of relief that the Swordsman is still along for the ride.

How Nerdy Am I?

Stuff and Things

So. Lots going on lately. Maybe I have sort of, kind of been avoiding talking about the things I'm too stressed about. Things at home have been kind of bad lately. WTG is on a constant rampage against me. I want so badly to be able to get away from his influence, but between our mutual financial obligations I just don't see a way. That isn't to say that there is no way...just that I can't find it yet. I am so tired of being treated like sh*t.
Also feeling bad now because my planned get together with the Swordsman has been short circuited AGAIN. I am frustrated and I am afraid that he is just going to throw in the towel and say 'forget it' with me. There is so little to stop him from doing that. When I spoke to him on the phone earlier today, it was all one and we were just madly happy. Very shortly after, I got the phone call that put the kibosh on it all. I had to email him with the news and haven't yet heard back. Maybe I won't. And that thought makes me deeply despondent. Damn.
I have been reading like a good little library monkey. The last thing was The Virgin Suicides, which I had been waiting to read for ages, it seems. Now I am a solid Jeffrey Eugenides fan and look forward to whatever comes next.
Oh, and the next CD I buy will probably be The Thrills. It ain't new, but I am so happy everytime I hear "One Horse Town" on the radio that I think I should own the whole shebang.

Lawd, I Miss You Child...

My little tribute to the Rolling Stones and expression of regret...because where are my posts? I wanna be here, yet am not! And I miss you, child! haha!
I am almost out of here for the evening, but I AM going to blog mañana. Lo siento amigos. xoxo

What Kind of Gemstone Am I?

Your Gemstone is Amethyst

Dignified, impressive, and wise. You have a deeply spiritual soul

What Gemstone Are You?

This was kind of cool, because Amethyst is my birthstone and I LOVE it!

It's All Good

What a day! I got two muy caliente phone calls from Master Swordsman that got me all sweetened up. THEN I got to go on a grand mission with Team C! I have to say that it was just what I needed and I am left feeling all warm and melty...

Wed-nes-day

Ah, here I be, halfway through another week. Got rolling with my storytimes again this week. Seems I have quite a few live wires this time around, but they tend to calm down once they get acclimated to being in that setting. I took away virtually nothing from Monday's meeting besides a big heaping helping of boredom pie. Yet here I am, alive to tell the tale.
I finally finished Middlesex over the weekend. Yesterday I started on This is a Voice From Your Past. It is a nice little book for short stories and not so taxing.
I need some new music on my horizon. My cds are not thrilling me at the moment. Hey! Anyone wanna go see Donald Fagen with me on March 27 at the Wiltern in L.A.? I have a feeling I will be going alone. No one I know IRL loves Steely Dan the way I do. How sad.
Happy though...that there is definitely a Team C secret mission tomorrow! Yay! Yay! I am soooo up for it.

Most Boring Day EVER

Today is MLK day, which is totally cool. The kids are off school, the library is closed...but, oh wait! What am I doing here at work? It is a Staff Development Day, which is simply code for Boring as Sh*t Day. Here are a list of useful things I took away from the first couple of hours:
-Ubiquity
-We are aggragators!
-Einstellung effect=Enough information
-Perfect / Poop
-Bunny slippers
-del.icio.us
-Beware of nostalgia
-Stop rewarding perfectionism
-Jorge Luis Borges
-Bigelow "I Love Lemon" Herb Tea (a special blend for lemon lovers)
Think I'm on track with my notes?
More to come.

Updated Update

Sadly, yesterday did not happen. Technical difficulties in timing led to...exactly nothing. My frustration level is fairly high right now. The Swordsman, however, couldn't have been nicer or sweeter about the whole thing. I do have a secret mission with Team C this week to look forward to, hopefully.

I missed my little one's first basketball game today, because of work. Fortunately, I will see next week's and am off the two Saturdays that he has two games scheduled.
I know that sometimes the younger two especially really resent my work, which is natural. Then, I feel uselessly guilty, because it isn't as though I have a choice! Luckily I like my job or sometimes the whole tug between worlds would be too painful.

Update

The subfamily is STILL hanging out at the homestead! I would feel mean asking, "Why aren't you guys at your house?" But...why aren't they? It occurs to me that if I could get them in permanently, I could ditch WTG completely and still be able to pay the mortgage. Fantasy rocks. In reality, WTG is planted more firmly than even I can probably imagine. I just do my best to ignore his presence and that is how it is just going to have to be.

I am still working on Middlesex. I haven't been doing as much reading lately, since Milly and I are on more of the same lunch schedule. (Yay, by the way) And, this book is not a quick read. I'm really enjoying it, though and would recommend it to anyone who likes a juicy family saga and hermaphrodism.

Tomorrow? It is on. More on that Saturday.

It's Better This Way

My fav Team C member called me today and sends regrets for getting something going this week. At this point I am mostly relieved. Next week will be much better for a Team C adventure. If I see the Poet/Swordsman this week, I am going to be much more appreciative of his sort of antidote by next week.

My little sub-family (my oldest son, girlie friend, and behbeh) seem to be camping out at my place. I so want them to feel welcome, really, but they don't seem to realize how disruptive they are to routines developed for sanity's sake. They are just always sort of very THERE. Last night the younger kids didn't get to bed until almost midnight just because of the extra activity level in the house. They have taken over my third son's room and he just called to tell me that he can't get in there even now (it is 3:30 in the afternoon PST) because they are all napping in there! I feel bad for him, because his is the room they use, at it is best equipped for that many people (queen bed, big room). He totally deserves that nice room...totally doesn't deserve to be kicked out of it, although he is generally very good natured about it. Sorry, but here's hoping they are planning to head off for their own home very soon.

Getting Better All the Time

I am feeling and sounding better, getting the cough and assorted respiratory problems under control. I am almost embarrassed at how happy I am about that...the joys of growing old and feeble - haha!!!

Things are going along fine at work and at home, for the most part. Setting up a date soon to have a nice breakfast with Milly and K. I miss working with K. and we don't get to talk to her that much these days, so I am truly looking forward to seeing her.

Looks like I will definitely be taking a meeting with the Poet at the end of the week...the thought fills me with both trepidation and excitement. I can't wait to see what happens next! I also talked to Team C today and the possibility exists for an adventure this week as well. My feelings are mixed at this point. Things are getting mildly complicated, but not very often so I'm going to just try and maintain status quo all around.

The Road to Recovery

I am hoping that this weekend will afford me the chance to fully recover from the nagging remains of my illness. I am really glad that this worked out to be my weekend off.
I just began a new book yesterday evening. It is Middlesex. It is one of those books that you must work at a bit, not a light read, but seems eminently worth it thus far.
I wish I had something very thrilling to write about. I did hear from both the Swordsman and Team C today, although I did miss C and only got a message on my machine. It was a bit thrilling to talk to the Swordsman. Fingers crossed for next week!!!

Got Phlegm?

I'm sorry, I know it is nasty, but I am so tired of this cold or whatever I have that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks! I swear, if I spend one more night trying to hack up a lung or spend another precious moment of my life frantically searching for a tissue, I might start screaming and never stop. I'm pretty sure a good scream would only lead to more coughing though...
In other news, there doesn't seem to be much other news. I haven't been to the movies in several weeks, much to my dismay. Television at this time of year is a vast wasteland. Milly made me a copy of Badly Drawn Boy's "The Hour of Bewilderbeast", so at least I have something nice to listen to when I grow tired of switching the XM from XMU to Fred to XM Cafe to Top Tracks to Ethel to (un)Signed to Lucy and back again....
As far as my reading goes, I am on the hunt again for something new. I most recently finished and touching account written by a woman about her family dealing with her younger brother's suicide at 15. Well, it wasn't really about them dealing with it. It was more about the family, in general, and her own feelings of connection to her lost brother. It's called The Tender Land. I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for next.

Happy 2006! And Happy Birthday (almost) Baby Girl

It is true. I am here, back from my little vacation from work and the internet. It would have been real nice had I not been SICK for most of the time! Freaking flu...what are you gonna do?
I just wanted to stick my head in the door and say hi. Lots on my plate here, just waiting for me. Surprise, surprise. More later.
I missed you!!!
P.S. Tomorrow is my one and only daughter's 13th birthday. I would say that I can't believe she is a teenager, but she has been acting like one since she was about 8 or 9, so no shock to my system here. She's a handful, but I am soooo thankful to have a daughter in my house full of testosterone.

Happy Freakin' Holidays

Hey out there in bloggerland. I just wanted to take a quick moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Solstice, Bountiful Kwanzaa, and of course, Happy New Year. And a special shout out to those celebrating Festivus - a holiday for the rest of us. Ooohh, that reminds me! Let me show you a song me and some friends wrote on a message board in honor of Festivus:
The Festivus Song

Now it's time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
no dreidel to spin
or fat guy creepin' in
a season that quickly ends
gather your family and friends
this part is the most fun
tell each and every one
how this last trip round the sun
every wrong thing that they've done
has really let you down
but no need to wear a frown
beeeee--caaaaaause
---- now it's time for Festivus ...

Now it's time for Festivus
A holiday for the rest of us.
No big ticket items
Or games of gelt hide 'ems
Its no festival of unity
But you'll speak with impunity
Call your dad and mother
Invite your sis and brother
Tell 'em what you REALLY think
Bottoms up, lets have a drink
Spread the ugly truth around
Cry, if you must, without a sound
Beeeeeeeee-caaaaaaause
---Now its time for Festivus.....

Now it's time for Festivus
a Holiday for the rest of us
We'll gather round the festive pole
an icon of majestic length
and stretch and flex as we prepare
the challenge of the feats of strength
We'll feast as friends who hate us
are preparing to berate us
we gather for this yearly meal
with family we'd like not to see
why subject ourselves to this ordeal?
because, you putz, the chow is free
Beeeeeeeeeeee-caaaaaaaaaause (gasp)
----- now it's time for Festivus!......

Now is the time for Festivus
a holiday for the rest of us
but keep us far away from mistletoe
because we really don't trust Uncle Joe
and big expensive gifts for kids are poxes
because they end up playing with the boxes
you know that you can count on sweetie's mom
to tell you why your turkey was a bomb
while in the den Ed, Bill and Walter stare
as if a football game were on the air
you're tired of each other -- that much is clear
and so you smile and wave "Same Time Next Year"
beeeeeeeeee-cauuuuuuuuuuse
---- now it's time for Festivus! . . .

And now, it is the time for Festivus,
A holiday made for the rest of us.
Blow out the pilot light and crank up the stove,
Insert your head and reunite with Jove.
Beware the cars carreening to and fro,
don't sin too much, and don't eat yellow snow.
The carolers evoke a thoughtful grin--
One well aimed .22 will damp their din.
The yule log burns, it is a merry light
It's Presto scent's like smoking Samsonite.
The guests are gussied up, so no one knows
that Uncle Fred has cankers on his nose.
And all those joys abound with little fuss
Because it is the time of festivus.


Verse one by Rich W
Verse two by wildblue'72
Verse three by - Poppaspank -
Verse four by Stephen lyonheart Lewis
Verse Five by John H. Spencer

See if you can figure out which one I am by a process of elimination :-)
I am heading off now, for a little vacation from work and computers. In about two days, I will no doubt be undergoing treatment for my withdrawal symptoms. At any rate, see you on the other side of the New Year. Love ya, lb @ onlyoneihave.blogspot

Eroticism

I want to mark time here...make a note of this particular point in my life. Let it be known that I am rather disturbingly enthralled by the Swordsman / Poet's emails and phone calls. If we could meet more often, this would have to burn out...it is way too intense. I can honestly say that I have never had anyone speak to me as purely erotically as he does...and he makes me feel that I can say anything to him as well, I can give over my deepest desires and he gives them back to me validated and even more charged than before. I can't imagine where this is going, but the ride is amazing.

My Cut and Paste Lovah

Milly, clearly not having enough to do today, printed up a photo of me, cut out my head, pasted it on to Tea Leoni's body, to create a lovely picture of David Duchovny gazing at me adoringly. It was a fine job....my head fit just right somehow. I laughed until I cried when she showed it to me. To make this whole story worse and even more pathetic, I took her job, did some additional touch ups on it and ran it once again through the copier to make a more uniform affect. Clearly I too did not have enough to do today. At any rate, it is a lovely reminder of David's and my big night out together...we were so enamored with one another! haha! Okay, it is more of a lovely reminder of how sometimes, at the liberry, we just have to find creative ways to fill time :-)

The CD I Want to Mix

1. Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warhols
2. Too Young - Phoenix
3. Starlite #1 - Mojave 3
4. Way You Walk - Papas Fritas
5. Rain - The Clientele
6. Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins
7. Surfing on a Rocket - Air
8. Icicle - Uncletoe's Portasound
9. Wish I Was There - Uncletoe's Portasound
10. You Are the Reason - Jeff Hanson
11. Lion's Mane - Iron & Wine
12. Naked as We Came - Iron & Wine
13. Cabaret Opening - Triplets of Belville soundtrack
14. Bus Stop - The Hollies
15. Welcome Back - Trashcan Sinatras
16. The Hidden Track - Earlimart
17. Never Never - Libertines
18. There & Back - The Legends

Okay, yes, I did have this mix and I did give it away, but I swear it was for a good cause....still, I miss it now.

My "Sexy" Name! Woo Hoo!

I Get So Mad at Me!

I am not going to a party I was invited to tonight. Why? Because I am a mom. That is just me pussing out on getting into a fight and ending up feeling sh*tty about myself. Yet somehow, I have ended up feeling sh*tty about myself anyway! Sounds like a personal problem to me....
Totally serving my time here, just waiting for my vacation. Also, in some way, dreading my vacation. Sometimes it is easier just to be here than there. That is an honest but ugly truth possibly shared by other people with families...possibly.
I'm also mad at myself for getting a little blue for not hearing from the Swordsman. I have grown accustomed to not hearing from the Team C, although it does sometimes disconcert me right after the fact...I need to step up my defenses and NOT let stuff that I will NEVER be able to control get me down!
I'll read. Right now, I'm trying Time Won't Let Me If it gets me through a long Sunday, I'll be good to go.

Oh, and...

...I'm a leetle down right now, cause I won't be seeing the Poet/Swordsman tomorrow as we had sort of, maybe, thought. I think at this point, it is going to be quite a while before we can take it out on each other and that is a damn shame....

The Day I Broke Even

Howdy. This morning was our staff Holiday breakfast, complete with omelette bar and gift exchange game. The omelette was, eh, you know omelette-y. I did suck down my share of coffee, I'll say that much. I ran out this morning to get something to bring to the gift exchange. I ended up getting this furry Christmas moose and a big box o' Hershey's Treasures chocolates. The spending limit was set at $15 and counting the fancy bag, I was right about there. I ended up, after several snatches and trades, with this tin of Starbucks hot chocolate mixes and a teeny Boyd teddy bear. I was okay with that, although I had my hands on a Borders gift card and a little boom box earlier. Anyway, DMB3 decided she could use the Starbucks cocoa for regifting...so she traded me the $15 cash she had ended up with. So. Today is the day I broke even.

Easing Through the Week

Having arrived at the halfway mark, I have concluded that I will, indeed, make it through another week. Just finished my last storytime for the next four weeks or so. It is one of my favorite parts of my job, but I do find that I need these small breaks from them. It helps me come back ready to be peppy and fun again for the little sweetie pies. Several people gave me little Christmas gifts and it is nice to feel appreciated.
Finally got the Christmas tree set up at home. I like it once it is up, with the twinkly lights. Most of the ornaments at this point are the things that the kids made in school over the years. I am looking forward to the week I am taking off between Christmas and New Year. I can use the time with whatever kids may be around. And, no doubt, there are chores that need to be tended to properly. Yeah, it will be nice. I do have to worry about internet withdrawals, but I can deal :-)

How'd He Do That?

Just when I am feeling rather over Master Swordsman he gets me again. He called me today and when I spoke to him on the phone...we just seem to have this crazy connection. I admit that I liked it very much when he brought our friendship to a different level by showing me his writing and asking for notes. That combined with a talk that was very copacetic and a couple of steamy e's...and I'm just all there all over again. I wonder what it will be like the next time we see each other? I feel somewhat relieved that it isn't that often. I don't do that well with that level of intensity. There is definitely something to us'ens though....

I had a pretty quiet weekend for the most part. My daughter spent Fri, Sat, & Sun with my oldest son and his family. She had a great time and I got a break from the bickering that goes on between her and my littlest son. Got another shelf put in the laundry room...oh, and had to replace the microwave. Gotta have a working micro! I ran out of stuff to read Saturday evening and didn't want to start something old, so Sunday was sadly spent with only the paper and a catalog or two. Which reminds me, I still have to pick something up before I leave tonight. I'll go have a look right...now.....

And After the Party, Its the After Party

Okay, not so much, but I like to pretend I'm living that rock n roll life. haha! Ah well, anyway, I did go to the party with Milly and Heat as planned. It was fine, but as I think I indicated these aren't exactly raise the roof kind of events. The theme was cute. Actually, this is the first year I remember there being an actual "theme". It was sort of an International thing. Some people, mostly ones on the party planning commitee I assume, dressed up in costuming from their country of origin or some other country that interested them. I, of course, did not dress up. This is me at the party

Party On...Damn, This is Exhausting!

Okay. It is back on. Ima party. And I will have fun. And I will get through this next little bit of my life, sanity intact.

Party On, Without Me

I feel like crying, but I just can't while I am at work. WTG called up all in a foul mood and said I shouldn't be out running around...and then I just heard that "wah wah wah" sound like the Peanuts kids used to hear when the grown ups talked. End result, I guess I'll go home instead. Man, I'm tired....

Party On, You Funky City Employees!

This evening is the city's holiday dinner. Every year about this time we get together in the big room at the Community Center, eat an adequate catered meal, sit around gazing at our raffle tickets, hoping to take something home, and watching service awards being handed out. Yes, it is just as fun as it sounds. Well, you know, it is nice to get together with all the other city departments. I still find policemen and firemen sort of thrilling.
Aside from that, not much to report. I am feeling cold in this building and it is making me want to hibernate.
Also, the Swordsman sent me this short story to edit and told me not to be namby pamby and approving. Um, well, I wasn't. I hope he can take constructive criticism. He is a good writer, but this particular piece needed lots of work. I'm anxious to see how he accepts my remarks and suggestions.

Oh...My....

Just got back from a nice long lunch with Team C. Damn, I feel like a million bucks! When we get together everything feels so right and I feel so lucky. Team C is my salvation.

Goodness

Just got a call from my favorite Team C member and we are definitely on for tomorrow. Yes! Something to look forward to, to enjoy, and to recall happily. Divine.
Lessee what else is in the fire. Work, all is as usual. Home, all is in a state of calm stasis. Me, feeling pleased as punch for now. I picked up a few books last night. Quickly re-read The Age of Grief. A lovely series of stories and the novella, which became the wonderful movie Secret Lives of Dentists. I also picked up an interesting looking little book called What the Birds See. Plus, for my oldest son (and probably me, too) I got Random Acts of Badness by Danny Bonaduce. So, once again, I prove myself a reading fool...and every other kind of fool as well. xoxo

Large & In Charge

Aaaahhh! That was a sigh of relief. Finally, I have gotten ahold of myself. I was so right...with me, time and distance are little miracles of modern medicine. I can handle the Swordsman and keep him right where he belongs. I am planning an attack with Team C this week and that should do wonders for my body and mind.
What else is going on? Worked Saturday...busy. Rested Sunday...quiet. I saw a movie, but won't bother talking about it as it was nothing special. The Ice Harvest? Meh.
I read magazine after magazine this weekend, as I had kind of let them pile up, so that was pretty restful and non-taxing. This evening, gots to find me a gooood booook.

Not Scary, But a Little Scared

I talked to Master Swordsman today and now I get my problem. I am so falling for him and that is just a bad, bad idea. I am determined to keep this under control. Well, and in the end I know in my heart exactly what this is...it is fun and that is all. I can definitely deal with that.
I think a meeting with Team C might help me gain some perspective. Hopefully, that can happen within a reasonable length of time. Fingers crossed.

Better Butter

As I predicted, I am feeling better today. There is one more day between me and the stuff that sort of brought me to my knees. I am still tired, but it feels more normal...like I just didn't go to bed early enough. I will tell you though, I sure need to pull myself together and remember my mission in life. Enjoy it now, because the future is already here...or something like that.

How Scary Am I?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

Crash

Why am I suddenly so deeply tired? I think it is just my emotional crash happening. I'll feel better tomorrow I'll bet.

Not-So-Sweet Emotion

I am feeling a little odd. When I was with Master Swordsman the other day, we did, um, this thing, that I hadn't done before. It was actually a rather intense time that we had and I may be having a little trouble finding the right amount of disconnect from the whole thing. I do these things I do with all the best intentions and all clarity in my mind about meanings (or lack thereof) Sometimes, though, I just sort of fall into despair over my own moments of neediness. Right now, I am just passing through some...barrier or something. It will disappear and probably soon. Then, I'll regain perspective. Meantime, I just felt the need to put into words (or things resembling words) what I am feeling. Thanks for listening, so to speak.

Reading is Fuuuunnnndamental!

Hey all y'all. What, you might ask, have I been reading lately? Over Thanksgiving break I read through what I had gotten here. In a pinch, I decided to reread Stones for Ibarra. A lovely little gem of a book. I've been meaning to read further in the Doerr collection, but haven't as of yet.
Yesterday I brought home The Amateur Marriage by one of my very favorite authors. I actually have read it before, but not as many times as I've read her earlier works...so it still has plenty of play :-)
Have I anything else of interest to post? Not at the moment...but you'll be the first to know!

What Kind of Frog Am I?

Do I care? Apparently so...



Believed to have been brought to America as stow-aways on banana boats, Cuban Tree Frogs are the largest tree frogs in North America. They are notorious for cannibalism...if there are other species of frogs in the tank, or even specimens of the same species, they have been known to feast on their neighbors!

What kind of Frog are you?

Ugh

D.R. stopped in here to get a link and felt compelled to read, which ended up making him feel hurt all over again. If you ever read this again D.R. ...I'M SORRY! But I'm pretty sure we decided he wasn't going to read here for both of our sakes. He makes me feel guilty and I while I don't blame him, I just don't need it...can't bear it! The relationships that I hint at here are supposed to be all about making me feel GOOD. And they do. Except when I feel bad.

Mr. Kot-TER!

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. I am back and thus, you are too...right? Hello? At any rate, here I am after a nice four day weekend. I am feeling somewhat refreshed. Thanksgiving was a very nice event at my x-bro-in-law's house. His girlfriend isn't too friendly, but she puts out a heck of a spread :-) We ended up traveling in three different cars, but at least all the kids showed up this year, at least for a while.
The rest of the weekend was not quite as filled with downtime as I would have liked, but at least I wasn't at WORK work.
This morning I left the house a little early because I need to have a word or two with Master Swordsman. Lets just say the word of the day is "Trust". Incredible what trust can do for you and others you associate with.
Hey, I think I will write again later on today with more stuff. I just wanted to check in and put a few words out there. Gobble Gobble!

What Kind of Pie Am I? Is this a dirty joke?

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional Those who like you crave security

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Sometimes Work Saves My Life

This was one of my days to come into work at noon...and let me tell you, my morning was pretty much one giant pain in the a$$. Got into a huge fight over the phone with WTG. That is by far his prefered method of fighting. At any rate, I was feeling bad in general and feeling bad about myself specifically. When I came to work though, kindness and humor saved me. For some reason, when I came in today, I ran into four different families from my storytimes past and present. Through some lovely coincidence they each told me how much they appreciated my work and how much the kids enjoyed their time with me. I have to say that it just made me feel so great to be appreciated like that. Isn't that something everyone needs? To feel like what they do has value?
Then, as a capper, Milly came by the desk and told me a story, complete with visuals that had me laughing until tears came to my eyes. Man, I needed a good laugh!
So, yes, sometimes work saves my life...or at least saves the feeling that life is worth living :-)

Joaquin, I Love You!

This Thursday is Thanksgiving! Th-th-th-thank you! My children have only two days of school, I have only three days of work. Four days off in a row is sounding real nice right about now. I do have internet withdrawals at home...other than that, I can definitely use the time off. It is an unusually quiet Monday evening, so I'll just have to kill some time reading other people's blogs I guess. I have found some fun things just "next blog"-ing.
I need to creep over to the adult area of the building and see if I can't find a book or two to take me through the long weekend. I feel so lucky to have all these books right here! I'm completely sincere when I say this. Lucky, lucky, lucky.
That will be on my "things I'm thankful for list"...which I have pretty much shared here already at a point or two :-)
Oh, hey! I went to the movies yesteday and saw Walk the Line. I have to say that Joaquin Phoenix was incredibly sexy playing Johnny Cash. Reese Witherspoon was fabulous and beautiful as June Carter, waiting for her man to get it together. Like the recent Ray Charles biopic, it focuses on just a portion of this artist's life...but it is just the right portion...just the right framework for the whole big picture.

She's Gotta Have It

Something to read, of course.
I went with something extremely frothy, but it looks quite adorable. It is called Love@First Site.
You probably wouldn't know it about me, but I actually am very fond of romance. I'm not a ho, but I play one on television. heh heh heh....eh....

Words & Me

I am a sucker for words. Books, a good letter, someone who can string a sentence together. See, I have been more or less avoiding the Swordsman/Poet, because he is sort of...intimidating. I finally spoke with him honestly, telling him of my concerns and the things that were potentially worrisome about our friendship. He responded in the most lovely way, saying all the right things. Don't get me wrong...I do realize that words are just words. However, when we spoke I remembered, again, why I feel drawn to him. Right now, I just want to get through the Thanksgiving weekend in one piece and then we will see what happens next.

Speaking of words...I need to find a book to take home for the weekend. I think maybe something sort of light and fun for now. I'm too tired to concentrate hard. I'll have to look around a bit and see what tickles me fancy.

Once Again, Loving Love

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Because Right Now, I Am Loving Love

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't. Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Days of Our Lives

My day so far:
-Up and at 'em morning routine (this morning it involved stopping fisticuffs between my daughter and youngest son - woo hoo!
-Arrive at work and see what the day looks like (crying is not an option!)
-Desk time, desk time, desk time.
-Lunch! Milly and LeRoy's, you rock the hizouse.
-Blog! Email!
Coming up next:
-Desk time with the teeming masses
-Pumpkin Pie Social Event (good thing I'm so full...not a fan of the pumpkin pie)
-Desk time with the reeming asses...or something like that
-Home to put out the fires
-Eat dinner, clean up
-TV, homework, TV
-Read until losing consciousness.

Just wanted to remind you all of what you are missing out on by not being me!
You gotta laugh, because it is either that or crying hysterically. Sometimes that is actually prefered, but for now...laugh.

What Rejected Crayon Color Am I?

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

This is based on the color of my underwear! Hint: They are not Tin Man's Johnson Silver...but most Johnson sporting creatures like this color underwear on women...

Feel the Love

This could be a day like any other, but it is not. Thanks to an exhausting, exhilarating meeting between members of Team C I get the gift of feeling blissed out for at least the rest of the day. I take back what I said about not getting love in my life. I get it when I am with Team C and it means the world to me.

By The Way...

Team C is ON for tomorrow! Yes!!! I am so happy. Can't think of anything I want more right now.

The Movie of the Story of My Life

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

The Queen

I am so just trying to get through my life with as little conflict as possible. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am the Queen of Non-Confrontation. D.R. confronted me yesterday about the contents of my blog...and now I can say anything I want as he won't be wandering in anymore. I'm hurt that he doesn't want to know what is really going on in my life, but I also understand that my veiled (ha!) references to any sort of, ummm...physical outlet for my frustrations, made him feel sad and uncomfortable. Whatever.
To anyone who is reading, I thank you. Blogging is sort of private, like writing in a diary, but has that added kick that people may or may not be reading your thoughts. For me, it helps me feel connected to the world outside of myself to think that occasionally random strangers might wander across my blog and read an entry or two before getting bored and moving on. Plus, there are a couple of people who know me and may read here...and THEY don't seem bothered by anything I say here...so, that is good...because I am the Queen of Non-Confrontation.

Purple Reign

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Reading Fool

Or, perhaps that would just be "Fool". In any event the reading is going fine. I finished Love, Work, Children and am now tempted to go ahead and try the first one...but not just yet. Actually, I also just finished Gideon Defoe's second book The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab. I want Gideon to be my own funny friend :-)
I just picked up The Other Shulman. I am anticipating humor and a bit of heartbreak...we shall see.

Happy Birthday, D.R. You deserve the best.

Lust in My Heart

The Master Swordsman seems to be wearing me down. Well, no...not wearing me down. More like winding me up. He just sent me another poem...but it is absolutely too, um, explicit to go here. Is there anything better than lust? I mean, besides love, which isn't on the menu for me these days. If the big Chef upstairs decided I deserved to have that served to me again someday, I would absolutely prefer the deep deliciousness of genuine love. Seems unlikely, though, at least for now...so I'll be nourishing myself with lust.

What Kind of Paint Am I?

I am Utrecht "Cadmium Orange" acrylic (2 oz tube) The wall is my easel.

Which house paint are you?

I can't help my compulsion to take these wacky quizzes. Help me help myself.

Meal Fit For a King

Ah, another magnificent lunch at LeRoys with the Millster. I had the bacon/cheddar omelet with tots. Milly had brain meatloaf. We both had plenty to bring back to work with us.

I spoke to Master Swordsman on the phone today and happily all is well there. Talk about your intense personalities. *whew*

Oh! I keep forgetting to put in my blog two more movies that you might want to check out for a diversion. Last Friday morning I saw Shop Girl with my lovah, Steve Martin. Also starring Claire Danes and the cute Jason Schwartzman, this movie is a sweet little treat that might make you believe in love, once again :-)
Sunday, I saw The Dying Gaul. Awesomly cast with Campbell Scott, Patricia Clarkson, and Peter Sarsgaard. Very...dramatic, but real.

Okay, off to a staff meeting. An hour of my life that I'll never get back....

All the Kids Are Doin' It....

Your Icecream Flavour is...Chocolate!

You are the all time favorite, chocolate! Turning white kids black since the 1800s. Staining carpets, car seats, and bed sheets for centuries. One thing is for sure, you will never go out of style. You can't go wrong with chocolate!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Arrested Development

Arrested Development is the best show ever. I can't state this strongly enough. The jokes are silly, clever, visual, subtle, nasty, cerebral...you name it, they got it. Every time I watch it I feel grateful that someone in the television biz gets it!

"Do you want a man or a boy? I know what my answer would be!" -Tobias Funke

I Can Fix Things

Salvaging the day...I've sort of mended fences re my missed meeting this morning. I put in a work order for the phone line and got a dental appointment for my son. So, at least I have done what I can to make things better.
D.R. is getting his flirt on with another...gotta be cool with that because that is how it is with us. What is my choice but to look at that as another positive?

Nightmarish Day

If it could go wrong today, it has. And the day isn't even half over. Woke up tired. WTG wouldn't get out of the house this morning so I missed an important meeting. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss with him, so it was easier just to go about my regular routine. Now, someone is totally pissed at me...with good reason. My home phone is out of order. My oldest son is having problems with his wisdom teeth. It is not horrible stuff. It just seems like a bunch at once. I'll try to write some more positive stuff later on today. Hopefully, since there is such a long bit of day left to get through, something good will happen...

Connections

I made at least one connection that needed to be made today vis-a-vis my wicked telephone. I spoke to that Poet and reintroduced him to the idea of moderation and...shall we say...reality. He's more a fantasy fan, though. Different strokes for different folks, as Sly Stone would sing it :-)

Last night WTG and I went out to the Improv together to see Bob Saget. His act wasn't unfamiliar to me. He does the whole riffing on his image thing...Full House, America's Most F'ed Up Home Videos, his ex-wife, his daughters...Not the most hilarious guy ever, but there is something about him that is very appealing for some reason. Also, it was fun to go out somewhere like a grown up. WTG was on good behavior and paid for dinner and the club. I have learned that detente never lasts long with us, but even a temporary cease fire can be a relief.

I did solve Thursday's problem, to some degree, but that is only because I am an expert in the Fine Art of Pleasing L.B. Sad, but true.

Missed Connections Day

Today is the day of just missed connections. The phone does not seem to be my friend today. Or, more rightly, I have not been a friend to the phone. Somehow I seem to have stepped away from my desk at all the wrong moments, leaving me with the lesser pleasure of the message, when the conversation was what was needed. On top of all that, I am feeling very....uh, can I just say it? Horny. Not a huge fan of that word, but it works, you know?

Okay, okay...put my mind on other things and the body will follow obediently, right? I can tell you what I'm reading now. It is Love, Work, Children. Apparently it is the second title in a planned trilogy. I haven't read the first...and so far am feeling no ill effects. Unless...do you think? Maybe I'm being punished for reading the second before the first with this case of raging libido! The world is a strange and mysterious place.

What is My Pirate Name?

My pirate name is:

Iron Mary Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Now I feel better, because this is a cool name! Aaarrgghhh! Will I subject you to anymore pirate shenanigans? Not today...

What Kind of Pirate Am I?

Okay, so you're good with treasure, but that's not really enough to call yourself a pirate. You commandeer a ship, not buy one. You force your crew to sign a pledge of allegance, you don't pay them off. Just because you're a rich plantation owner having a mid-life crisis, doesn't mean you can suddenly go rogue pirate and expect people to take you seriously. Being a pirate is about being a smelly, nasty, evil, bloodthirsty, horny bastard. You just don't make the grade. You're the equivilant of a Pirate Nerd!


Link: The What Kind of PIRATE Are You Test

Of course I am heartbroken! Geez, harsh! I thought I was such a rogue! haha :-)

Dilemma

Okay. Say you are used to doing things a certain way...and it really works for you. It is comfortable for you, right? Okay. Now say that someone asks you to do something different. It is a different way to get to something that you want. Not necessarily bad different, but different enough that you are discomfited by the thought of it. Would you do it? Okay...that is way too vague, right? Drat.

So?

Did you all have a good Halloween? Mine was a-okay. The work day passed quickly and was quiet. I got off a bit early and went home for trick or treating with my little guy. He was the cutest thing ever in his little businessman suit. He had planned to be an army guy, but the recent acquisition of a sports coat at the thrift store sent that plan packing. I was, of course, still a pirate. We went around our little neighborhood, just he and I, and collected a ginormous amount of can-day. When I went to pick up my daughter from her friend's house, she was lugging a huge bag of candy too! We can all stay on a perpetual sugar high for at least the next couple of months...so life is good.

Boo!

Happy Halloween to all. Stay bootiful.

New Official "Best. Day. Ever."

Just had to say that due to circumstances over which I have complete control, this has been one of my favorite days here on the planet. I can't begin to relay to you how much I NEEDED a day like today. Team C used their time so wisely today that is hard to imagine anything topping it. Gives us something to shoot for, I s'pose....
With love and affection,
L.B. (glowing, sincerely)

Stuff and Things

I am going through a period where I seem to feel compelled to write. I am probably exhibiting something along the lines of bipolar disease...this is like my manic phase. It is not that I have more to say necessarily. I just feel more compelled to place every little thing in writing. For example, I had an overwhelming urge to make note of the fact that Milly and I went to LeRoy's for lunch today. It was delicious as always. Came back to work though, to find that WTG was flaking on picking up the littlest guy from school...and what was I going to do about it? Nice. Anyway, big bro to the rescue, so all was well.

What else? Looking forward to Night Stalker tonight. It couldn't be much less like the original Night Stalker, which I loved as a kid. It is still good n' creepy though. More like the stand alone monster episodes of the X-files (which were the only show I liked in that series) than like anything having to do with the original Night Stalker. Lets face it, there isn't that much to look forward to on television, so I'll takes what I can gets.

Blog Tag

If you read this and blog... Here is what you do:

1. Go to your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence of that post.
4. Post the text of that sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag! You're it!

"Sometimes busy in that drive you mad repetitive way." (23rd post 5th sentence) Makes me sound like a pretty whiny wench...so perfect!

Best. Day. Ever.

I just got another phone call! This one was a Team C call to action, so yay! To paraphrase VH1...L.B. is having the best day ever!

It's Madness, I Tell You! Madness!

In the middle of one of the craziest days of the working year. Halloween events here at the library are, for some reason, very, very popular. I did a small program this morning for the littlest ones. Basically about 20 kids 2-4 years old. So sweet. I think they had fun. In 40 minutes or so, I have a second program with about 50 kids attending, then another just like it at 6:30 this evening. The good thing is that it is a fairly simple program, the community loves it, and after 7:30 this evening it will be over :-) There is no real downside, except that for these later program I have to organize volunteers to help and that is almost as much work as everything else combined. All in all, though, good times...and madness, I tell you. Madness.

Oh, and thanks for calling me today, Master Swordsman. Your emails, while interesting, were getting somewhat alarming...well, in a good sort of way, really.

Reading, reading, reading...right now, just started on Into the Fold. I have read a couple of other things by Rachel Cusk. Into the Fold seems the best so far, really. Listening to Mojave 3's "Spoon and Rafter". Mellowy goodness.

Let Me Ask Another Question...

...that probably has no good answer. Where do you stand on the whole issue of dominance and submission? Anyone? Anyone? Ferris?

Questions with No Good Answers

Can I help you?
Is it me?
What was I thinking?

L.B. Recommends

"What?" you ask, "What does L.B. recommend?" I'll tell you what I recommend...go to the movies, do it soon, see Capote. Wow. I saw it and was just blown away. It was an amazingly powerful, visceral piece of film making. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was astounding as Truman Capote and the other actors involved more than held their own...I can't imagine they could have put together a greater ensemble. The director is a relative unknown named Bennett Miller, although he has been directing commercials for years and studying film since he was a boy. Credit must be given to him for his vision of the story being told. Honestly, I can't recommend it highly enough.

I Hate Shopping

I do. And I'm bad at it. I had to go out at lunchtime today and shop for a birthday present for WTG. Like most people, men especially, when he wants something he usually just buys it for himself. I am not a very astute gift giver, as any number of people can attest. I am pretty ashamed of this, as I feel bad for people I try to give to, plus I feel like it says something about how observant or empathetic or something I am...or rather, am not.
I ended up getting him this. Ah, well.

In other news...lets see...talked to my Team yesterday and that was nice. Got mail from the Poet with some good advice. My weird friend in Florida sent me a message that was completely cryptic. I have no idea what he was talking about. Milly made me some drawrings while she did desktime in exile over here. I'm getting quite a collection! Someday I will put together a retrospective of her work.

Milly Wears Pajamas to Work

She claims that the top she is wearing under her sweater vest is a pajama top. You really can't tell...but still, only Milly can get away with that. I have, on occasion, sported the sweater vest look. Kind of get the Ellen DeGeneres thing going on. Today, however, I am dressed head to toe in black. It is slimming! Really. And speaking of clothes, I am really looking forward to dressing up as a pirate for Halloween. Argh! Avast me hearties! It will be a simple, yet effective costume and I won't scare the children with any bloody scars or things like that. Next week, I will get to be a pirate twice for a total of five, count them five programs. Then, there is actual Halloween, the following week when I can be a pirate yet again! I will either grow to hate my costume or decide to become a full time pirate. Time will tell.

Late Evening Thoughts

It is one of my "late" shifts at work and it is, finally, quiet. It gives me time to ponder all the things that need pondering. Sometimes I feel like such a child. I still find myself wanting things I can't have and having things I don't want. I think I want this or that and when I get it, it isn't at all like I had expected or hoped for. My life is full of yearning, which sounds so dramatic, but is really just sort of...sad.
I read and read to keep my mind active without actually having to think in a self actualizing sort of way. I watch television to take me a step further away from myself. We all do it...or most of us do, right? Work, run around, tend to our children, read, watch tv, turn up the radio...don't think, don't think, don't think...
Reading: Totally Joe
Feeling: Pensive
Smelling: Cedarwood Sage body lotion from Bath & Body Works Apparently discontinued, but you get the idea. Hiss boo.

Positives

Since in my last post I focused on my problems I thought it might be nice to balance that with some of the good things in my life.
1. Always at #1, my kids, in spite of any problems! They are still the best thing I have going on.
2. Milly and the DMBs
3. D.R.
4. An undending supply of books.
5. Music, wherever I find it.
6. Getting dirty.
7. Team C's antics.
Aw, there is so much more good than bad in my life. How can I complain?

Problems

1. Son who needs some additional guidance right now. Our relationship has always been a bit delicate and now I am balancing between trying to give him space and freedom, while still insisting on certain "house rules".

2. Feeling that endless grinding aspect of my work at this time, for some reason...I just don't see a restorative break approaching. Not exactly overwhelmed, just maybe drawn slightly too thin.

3. $$$. This one is always around to varying degrees. Holiday dread creeping.

4. Loneliness. I'm seldom alone, but have been feeling a bit isolated from what might be called meaningful interactions. Too many superficial encounters and rote exchanges. At times I feel like I would give a year off my life to just be able to put my arms around someone, rest my head on their chest, and just draw some genuine comfort.

How I Look to Me

This is me. A clown. A juggler.

Or I am sometimes this. A dancing bear.

I think of myself like this. A little superhero with spunk and enough anger to provide momentum.

Contemplating Orientation

Right about now I am feeling extremely nauseated from my lunch of Chex Mix. I really wish I had had the tomato soup instead.
Wednesdays tend to be kind of suckous anyway...add a little illness to the brew and you've got one crotchety grrrrl. Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post....

On the way to work today I was listening to Morrissey. His song "All the Lazy Dykes" always makes me consider lesbianism. It sounds quite fab when he talks about it. And last night on the watery Sex and the City that they show on channel 5 at 11, it was about Charlotte hanging out with a group of Power Lesbians. Sometimes, I swear, I can fully appreciate the lifestyle. Its a shame, really, how much I like...um, a certain something that the ladies don't come equipped with....

This One is From Me

Looking for proof that truth exists
I shine the blinding light of imagination
Into the darkest recesses of my bleeding heart
I see that there is more, much more hiding there
Than I had, in my innocence, assumed
I see that it will take time, time, effort, time
To plumb the unfathomable depths of that dark heart
Shall I begin the journey? Seek fearlessly?
Will you come with me?

This One is For Me

Hidden between
Short stories and fiction

Lies a segment of
The imagination

That floats with ease
Pausing momentarily

To read between the lines
And solely feel

No catalogue or
Decimal system

Exists that comes
Close to what lies deep

In the stacks
Of the soul of a woman

Another Chance

Monday can be a difficult, overwhelming day as I contemplate getting through the next week. However, it also feels like a chance to start again fresh. It takes some effort, but I do try to stay optimistic about the beauty of a clean slate. Of course, at this stage of life, no slate is ever truly clean...there are, at very least, smudges and stains on it. Still, sometimes it is possible to think that...well, that anything is possible. I need so much for that to be true. And, in my better moments, I can believe that it is.
Right now I am reading Hazards of Sleeping Alone. So far, I am enjoying it very much. I've also been compiling a mental list for a mix cd that I will probably never make :-)

M.I.A. and Happy Birthday #2 Son!

Sorry to anyone who may actually read my blog for being missing for these past few days. I have tried so to be consistant in posting, but sometimes I'm just not on the ball, so to speak.
My second oldest baby is turning 19 today. He is such an unknown to me, so quiet and private. He can do anything he wants to do, but I have no idea what it will be...
Anyway, just a quick note for posterity :-) I'll do something more deep and meaningful on Monday.
And a shout out to Markie Mark with thanks for calling today. Thrilling.

Tail End of the Day

This day is finally almost over. I say finally, but it hasn't really been all that bad. Not too much desk time, not too much in the way of extra work on my plate, and I am continuing to feel much better than I did last week.
Started a new book yesterday. It is called 26a. I'm enjoying it very much, though I haven't gotten far just yet.
The Ditty Bops are still living in the CD player in my car. I appreciate my commute time because I can listen to whatever I want as many times as I want. When I am taxi-ing, I pretty much give the sound system over to my passengers. They tend to favor 20 on 20 stuff or hearing something raptastic. I've nothing in particular against either of those things, but I have my own pleasures musically. So commute time is me time. hee hee!

L.B. Gets Her Groove Back

No, it wasn't a younger man. I should be so lucky! I'm just recovering from last week's hideous cold or whatever that was and feeling much more chipper. Saturday I did some yard work tagteam fashion with my fab teenage son. I have to say he is about the most helpful of any of that reckless feckless flock. (My children are not really either of those things, but don't the words have a nice ring to them?) Anyway, we even had a little barbeque that evening, so that was pretty cool.
On Sunday, I got up and went out for breakfast with Milly and KK (my former boss and current friend) We went to Twohey's
It was a yummy breakfast and it was so awesome to catch up with KK, who has been a busy, busy woman lately.
Got back home before the day had even really begun around there and spent it pretty quietly. So, I'm feeling rested enough to get through another week of...whatever.