Festivus, A Holiday for the Rest of Us

"The Festivus Song"

written in 2003 by three people who got it: 

by Rockyhors (DR),

Wildblue (me),

We store it in our crawl space when we aren't using it!

Poppaspank,

And two people who didn't:

Lyonheart

and John H. Spencer.

Now it's time for Festivus

a holiday for the rest of us

no dreidel to spin

or fat guy creepin' in

a season that quickly ends

gather your family and friends

this part is the most fun

tell each and every one

how this last trip round the sun

every wrong thing that they've done

has really let you down

but no need to wear a frown

beeeee--caaaaaause

---- now it's time for Festivus ...

Now it's time for Festivus

A holiday for the rest of us.

No big ticket items

Or games of gelt hide 'ems

Its no festival of unity

But you'll speak with impunity

Call your dad and mother

Invite your sis and brother

Tell 'em what you REALLY think

Bottoms up, lets have a drink

Spread the ugly truth around

Cry, if you must, without a sound

Beeeeeeeee-caaaaaaause

---Now its time for Festivus.....

Now it's time for Festivus

a Holiday for the rest of us

We'll gather round the festive pole

an icon of majestic length

and stretch and flex as we prepare

the challenge of the feats of strength

We'll feast as friends who hate us

are preparing to berate us

we gather for this yearly meal

with family we'd like not to see

why subject ourselves to this ordeal?

because, you putz, the chow is free

Beeeeeeeeeeee-caaaaaaaaaause (gasp)

----- now it's time for Festivus!......

Note: Goes wildly off course here ---

Now is the time for Festivus

a holiday for the rest of us

but keep us far away from mistletoe

because we really don't trust Uncle Joe

and big expensive gifts for kids are poxes

ecause they end up playing with the boxes

you know that you can count on sweetie's mom

to tell you why your turkey was a bomb

while in the den Ed, Bill and Walter stare

as if a football game were on the air

you're tired of each other -- that much is clear

and so you smile and wave "Same Time Next Year"

beeeeeeeeee-cauuuuuuuuuuse

---- now it's time for Festivus! . . .

And now, it is the time for Festivus,

A holiday made for the rest of us.

Blow out the pilot light and crank up the stove,

Insert your head and reunite with Jove.

Beware the cars careening to and fro,

don't sin too much, and don't eat yellow snow.

The carolers evoke a thoughtful grin--

One well aimed .22 will damp their din.

The yule log burns, it is a merry light

It's Presto scent's like smoking Samsonite.

The guests are gussied up, so no one knows

hat Uncle Fred has cankers on his nose.

And all those joys abound with little fuss

Because it is the time of Festivus

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I guess posting The Festivus Song each year is my longest standing tradtion here at What Fresh Hell is This?  Makes me all warm inside. 

Now...in the past year, you have disappointed me in the following ways....

(Said in my awesome and loud Frank Costanza voice, of course.)

Happy Festivus, one and all!