Friday, March 31, 2006

What Kind of Coffee Am I?

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable

At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty

You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it

Your caffeine addiction level: high

Yes, I am drinking coffee right now!

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

That's right, I'm giving Loverboy the shout out, what of it? haha! Enjoying a nice quiet Friday here at the job. Me & Milly just got back from lunch at a Japanese fast food place called Bento-ya. I just had a teriyaki chicken bowl and some miso was delish.
I guess I don't have any special plans this weekend. Hopefully it will be a nice restful weekend with no fussing and fighting.
Yesterday I finished reading What Was She Thinking? Notes on a Scandal. I enjoyed it and have quickly moved on to Diving Through Clouds. So far, I'd say it is light reading...good for a not so taxing weekend read.
I have gotten all of those CDs I ordered and have had a chance to play them a bit as I drive to and from work (about the only time I can listen to my own CDs without someone turning it off and switching to Top 20 on 20 or whatever...) I think I am going to start ordering more CDs through Amazon. I've had such good luck with even the used ones and they are at great prices. There is the shipping, but the convenience makes it worth it to me. Music is my one real indulgence. I hardly ever even buy books anymore with so many of them at my disposal. It seems a small pleasure that I can allow myself :-)

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Sex Saves Me Again

Once again, I feel compelled to display my shallow nature. I just always find it amazing how much spending time with someone, say Team C, does for me! I mean, I can assure you that for quite some time anything thrown at me will seem so much more managable, just because I have this little glowing sphere of tender eroticism nestled up next to my heart (with a path straight to the hot zone).
You don't care for me all that much? Thats okay, I know someone who does, and in very creative ways! You want to pick a fight with me? Its not gonna happen, because I am in my happy place, feeling like someones hidden treasure.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


I am so blissed out. Finally, finally, finally got some face time with Team C and it was awesome, as always. It had been way too long and many promises were made that it wouldn't be so long next time. Ideally, I would want to see him more, but in some ways it doesn't matter so much. When Team C does finally pull of a mission...damn the torpedos! And now I get to have this loose, warm, glowing feeling for lucious hours to come....

Monday, March 27, 2006


I saw this movie yesterday with WTG in an older theater that I love. However, the seats are not so roomy and I felt squished by him impinging on my personal space. Still, good movie. Yeah.

Thank You For Smoking

Smoking is a filthy, disgusting, unhealthy habit. The question that Thank You For Smoking raises both satirically and seriously what? The health risks have been established, but people still choose to smoke and isn't it ultimately about choice? Aaron Eckhart, genius actor, plays a mouthpiece for big tobacco, Nick Naylor. Through his charm, quick mind, and unbeatable arguments, he is the PR guy making the case for smoking. His stellar performance on a panel show brings him to the attention of both the biggest mucky muck in the tobacco industry and an anti-smoking Vermont governor (the fabulous William H. Macy). There is plenty going on in this movie, including fraternal lunchtime meetings of the MOD (Merchants of Death) Squad including Alcohol pusher Maria Bello and Gun toter David Koechner, unadvisable sex with a journalist (the last breath of freedom for young Katie Holmes), trips to Hollywood to gain smoking a prominent, sexy position in movies (watch Rob Lowe and Adam Brody work it!), and plenty of time to bond between the can-do dad and his bright son (played by Cameron Bright).
The movie is full of very funny moments. It is satire, but it is tightly controlled satire. Between the acting, writing, and directing I would have to say that this movie is definitely going on my Top 10 List.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Television and Its Hold On Me

I am very fond of the idea of being one of those people who claim to never watch TV. Not to be snobby, but it is just kind of cool to think of having such a rich, full life that you never have to resort to the soothing mindlessness of most tv shows. At any rate, I definitely do watch and while I am not exactly a fanatic, I do have some shows that I don't care to miss :-) These are a few of my fav-o-rite things:

1) Grey's Anatomy
2) Desperate Housewives
3) The Sopranos
4) Big Love
5) Huff
6) The Office
7) My Name is Earl
8) Scrubs
I am in mourning, still, for Arrested Development and Six Feet Under.

So, anyway, you can see my list is pretty basic sitcom and one hour drama stuff. Nothing too highbrow, too lowbrow, or too terribly unusual. I almost put American Idol on there, but decided not to because a) it is a little embarrassing and b) I don't care much if I miss a I wouldn't shed a tear or two like I might if I miss a new Grey's Anatomy...

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Another Tighty Whitey

haha! A brief message :-) I am feeling more clear headed today, thank the cosmos. I have just started a new book, too. I thought since I had enjoyed A Ship Made of Paper so much that I would try another by Scott Spencer. This one is called Men in Black. It is not that one, but another one completely :-) So far, so good. I have also had Adventures of Blue Avenger, a young adult novel riding around in my purse. I have read it before, but it has been awhile, so I've been re-reading as time allows, because it is a cool little story.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Curse of the Headcold

I am feeling all discombobulated. Between being thrown off my schedule and this stuffy feeling in my head I am moving through this day in a daze. I can't seem to connect with the outside world...the world outside of my own head.
I need to find a new book to start before I go home tonight. I need to get through my two storytimes tomorrow, put together my class visit for the next day, and also finish preparing for my afternoon program for Thurs. Then, I am off work Fri. So...if I can make it through the next couple of days I will have a chance to recuperate. As a matter of fact, I may see the Swordsman on my day off. That will either be restorative or it will kill me :-)
Now for a small bitch and moan session, brought to you by l.b.@ My Boring Life: I have developed a reputation for being someone that my friends can talk to about anything. I am discreet. I don't judge them. I listen carefully and sometimes make useful suggestions. Now, don't get me wrong, I relish this role. BUT (the big but(t)) on occasion I feel like I am allowing myself to be, I don't know, the lampost or whatever. I am just this recepticle for their feelings...sometimes it doesn't seem to occcur to any of them that I also have feelings, secrets, and stories to tell. Well, how can I bitch? Really. If I opened up to most any of them, I'm sure they'd listen. I guess anyone reading here is my me. Does anyone read here?

Monday, March 20, 2006

Boxer or Brief?

This one is gonna be brief. It has been on the busy side here at work, so not so much time for the fun stuff. I did want to check in, though. I am still feeling some of the ill effects of Friday's mood, although my weekend was actually quite good. I am just dragging...possibly it is all hormonal, you know? Swordsman wrote me one little note today, which I didn't bother to answer. Lately I feel he hasn't got time and that is fine, but I don't want to be jumping through hoops in that case. I read this blog entry that DR wrote and it was so sad. He wrote about...well this and that. But the main gist of it was that he had found an ex-girlfriend's daughter on MySpace and was ruminating on what might have been. I have found that that way lies madness, seriously. You cannot dwell on the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. It will kill you! Everyone of us could have lived this finer, fuller, more beautiful life, in theory. But all it is is theory and all it is is wishing for the wisdom of 40 at 20 or whatever. Life doesn't work like that, woe is me.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Why I Don't Do Introspection Well

I don't do introspection well, because I find that profound thoughts about nearly anything give me that heavy, teary feeling in my chest. Not that I think I'm all deep. I'm sure anyone who stops to really think about things feels something similar. For me, though, I don't know...while a part of me welcomes the feeling with something like relief, another part of me finds it unbearable and just wants to feel sunshiny and contented. I know this is why I like to have plenty of busy work or, if I am still, I prefer to be reading (ie. escaping).
When I do stop and let the real thoughts in I see all the ways in which I have failed and all the ways in which I continue to fail.
Let me count the ways for your perusal:

-I couldn't sustain my marriage. Not so much because either one of us were horrible people, but more because I couldn't bear to be his wife anymore. I have felt like I was literally dying under the weight of his expectations of what a wife should be and I couldn't be that kind of wife...and wouldn't even want to try to be that kind of wife.
-I couldn't lead a completely independent life because I am not financially solvent. Now, we cohabitate like quarrelsome siblings, neither one of us able to really have any sort of sustainable private life. It makes me feel ashamed to have to live like this.
-I have a friend who lives so far away from me that we will in all probability never be together IRL, yet I am exceedingly attached to him, beyond all reason. I know that he doesn't feel the same about me, although he may have at one sometimes I read our old emails and want to cry when I remember how I imagined that this is a man I would someday have a life with. Now we email daily, more or less superficially, but if we stopped writing altogether I can't imaging being able to bear it.
-I have two lovers whom I care for, but don't have real relationships with. Team C is so peripheral in my life and leads very much his own life. I care for him, but what we have between us is simply good sexual chemistry and affection. Swordsman and I are more involved with each other's minds, but again, there is distance between us that is never going to be bridged as far as I can tell. We are enthralled with each other, but it isn't the same as having a true partner in life. I guess I would say that we are absolutely perfect for each other in every way, except for the fact that we could never sustain it if we actually lived our lives together as real people is a dark, beautiful fantasy.

I do feel like I have done my honest best to be a good parent and my children are good people, partly as a direct result of me, their mother. I also feel content with my job. I am good at what I do, I receive satisfaction from that, and the people that I work for are getting what they pay for.

What is it about today that brings all this on? I just couldn't say. A little tiredness, letting my guard down, the gloom and chill in the air, a quiet day with too much time for thought....I'm sorry. If anyone actually read this to the end I thank you for hearing me.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Happy Anniversary to Me & My Boring Life

Wow. My blog and I have been together for one year to this very date. Happy Anniversary, Honey! Now, keep in mind that there were about two months between that first official post and my second official post. Since that time however, I have been keeping up pretty darn well for the most part. Ow! Ima break my arm with the back patting going on over here! I hope my blog sends me some flowers. haha! Ah, so lame, yet who cares?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Its Back Again

It is the triumphant return of the tickly throat and the buggery nose. I swear it is impossible to stay healthy either at home or work. I am drinking lots n' lots of water in a desperate, yet probably fruitless, attempt to keep a full fledged cold at bay. I entered my storytimes last night and this morning armed with my trusty water bottle and a few honey lemon cough drops and all was well. I told DR last night that I was going to battle this off with good deeds and water. What are my chances? Ah well...

I started a new book Monday night and so far I'm enjoying it very much. It is called A Ship Made of Paper. So far, it strikes me as being especially finely written, so I am content.

I just ordered a few CDs from Amazon. I have just felt the need lately to beef up my I decided to just go with it. I'd been threatening to pick up Donald Fagen's Morph the Cat and The Thrills So Much for the City, so I did. I also got a replacement copy of DF's Kamakiriad. I needed to a have it back, because along with Nightfly and Morph the Cat as bookends it completes Donald's solo trilogy. I also picked up Walter Becker's Eleven Tracks of Wack which I have never owned. Even big Steely Dan fans aren't too complimentary about Walter as a solo artist, but it still seemed like something I'd like to own and listen to on occasion.

In very personal news, I have not heard a peep from Team C in over a month. I'm not too torn up about it, as he has certainly come close to this point, although this has got to be a record. When I think of him, I do get that dip in my stomach...I am very attracted to him still...and perhaps as long as I am getting something out of our rare times together there is no special reason to call it all off. Who knows though? Maybe I will find that this is his way of calling it off. I guess we'll see what comes to pass. I rely more and more on the Poet Swordsman to keep me feeling the things that make the rest of life seem just that much better. He wrote me an email the other night, that while very erotic was also surprisingly tender. I feel lucky to have what I have with him.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Tick Tock

Time seems to be moving at an incredible rate lately. I guess it may be a symptom of my advanced age...once you hit 40 it is like being on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at warp speed apparently.
I had a nice, relaxing Sunday yesterday. It was exciting to see the Season 6 premiere of one of my favorite shows, The Sopranos. Yes, even after almost two years I come crawling back to them. I also caught a new show that I fell for instantly. It is Big Love and it promises to be complicated, interesting, entertaining, and touching. Looking forward to more of both and am happy that HBO is there for me again on Sunday nights :-)

I Took The Simpson's Personality Test

And this is what I get!

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader...

Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer

You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps

Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

I don't even LIKE beer! Maybe I'll develop a taste for it and really cultivate the whole belly thing...

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Big Doings That I am Missing Out On

Today, a Saturday, I am at work. I am going to miss:
a) Watching my son get his new car (which he totally deserves)
b) Seeing that same son go off to his Sadie Hawkins dance with his little girlfriend.
Work does make me miss important home things from time to time. I try not to mind, because there isn't much to be done about it. The car thing could have been done tomorrow, but I am not the one in charge of that gift or the scheduling of giving that gift so... Just makes me wish I were the more cash-y parent, but that ain't never gonna happen as far as I can tell. I did leave him an envelope with some $$$ for dinner and pix tonight. I have also been promised pictures of him getting his car. WTG arranged with my son's girlfriend for them to be at Starbucks at a certain time. They will arrive in his old car, it will be whisked away and replaced by the new car, the kids will come out and after some confusion over where his car is, his girlfriend will hand him the keys to his new car. Meanwhile WTG and the other kids will be lurking nearby to watch the fun. See why I'm jealous I won't be there?
I guess I coulda called in sick, so I guess in the end I am the one making the choice not to be least that is how it was explained to me....

Thursday, March 9, 2006

Wow! She Loves Exclamation Points!

haha! My program went fine, hurrah! I read Miss Smith's Amazing Storybook and The Teddy Bear. I have two more weeks of this program. I get lots of brownie (brown noser) points for doing it and it isn't all that much work...but don't tell my supervisor that!

All's well in other news. Swordsman called me today and we spoke briefly...but effectively. Home is steady, for which I am grateful. Work is manageable. Friendships being tended to tenderly. No complaints. How great is that!<<<<<
Counting the heading, five exclamation points were used in this post. No exclamation points were harmed during the production of this post, as certified by the Board of Punctuation Rights.

Look! She Works Too!

Just getting ready to go on in and perform pt.1 of my California Young Reader Medal Program for kids in grades K-5. I'm not sure how much pub. was done for it, so any feelings of anxiety are mostly about hoping someone shows up for it! I'll let you know how it goes, as I'm certain that you are fascinated with library programming.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Oh, I Have a Brain Too!

Yes, I am not only about my raging libido! You do know I like to read, right? That proves something, right? Okay, maybe not....but I did want to mention that I am re-reading America the Beautiful. I have read it a couple of times and I keep hoping that Moon, as I like to call her, will publish another novel at some point. If you haven't read it and you enjoy the bildungsroman, you should definitly get your grubby paws on it ASAP. Okay.

Getting the Cyber Hots

The Swordsman is at his best today with the whole pulse pounding messaging going on. I am such an easy lass for the right words! I think it will be a couple of weeks until I actually come face to face with him, but if he can keep the tempurature this high, at least now and again, I am okay with that. Between the physical thrill and the hormone driven emotional connection he manages to keep me about as happy as I've ever been, seriously. I sometimes worry about how shallow I am turning out to be, but at the same time, there is some relief in finding that I can be relatively easy to please :-)

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Keeping Busy

It seems to have been extra busy at work for the past few days. Nothing I can't keep up is actually the kind of work I enjoy, such as preparing the paperwork for upcoming events and getting crafts ready for my upcoming programs. They are things that I am good at and the time passes more quickly.
Aside from that, not much to report on the life of l.b. Things at home are quiet and relatively peaceful I am always half waiting for the next big blow up or crisis, but until then I will try to enjoy the downtime. I need another book to start and have been reading way too many dopey magazines. Still listening to my B & S almost constantly while in the car. My next music purchase should be Morph the Cat, which is scheduled for release March 14. I'm tres, tres excited about it.
Sadly, nothing to report on my super secret wild life - haha! Team C has gone MIA, as seems to happen from time to time and even Master Swordsman is keeping a fairly low profile, for him.
All in all though? I can't really I won't :-)

Friday, March 3, 2006

Another Rainy Day

Just like in the B&S song, but at this point without the chocolate on the boil or the steaminess...
Yesterday got pretty steamy when the Swordsman called me. Oh, my. Something about the way that man speaks to me. Who knows when I will actually SEE him, though. Still, given all of the facts of my life, I am feeling about as happy and satisfied as I have ever been. There is something about being desired that leads me to feel so good! That intensity of feeling is very deeply comforting somehow.
Here's hoping for a good weekend for myself and any who might be reading. Treat yourselves to a little something special, okay?

Thursday, March 2, 2006

Which Tarot Card Am I?

Oooohhhh...mysterious, eh?

The Devil Card
You are the Devil card. The Devil is based on the

figure Pan, Lord of the Dance. The earthy

physicality of the devil breeds lust. The

devil's call to return to primal instincts

often creates conflict in a society in which

many of these instincts must be kept under

control. Challenges posed by our physical

bodies can be overcome by strength in the

mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Pan

is also a symbol of enjoyment and rules our

material creativity. The devil knows physical

pleasure and how to manipulate the physical

world. Material creativity finds its output

in such things as dance, pottery, gardening,

and sex. The self-actualized person is able

to accept the sensuality and usefulness of

the devil's gifts while remaining in control

of any darker urges. Image from The Stone

Tarot deck.

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Another Sunny Day

Another Sunny Day Lyrics
Album : The Life Pursuit
Artist : Belle & Sebastian

Another sunny day, I met you up in the garden
You were digging plants, I dug you, beg your pardon
I took a photograph of you in the herbaceous border
It broke the heart of men and flowers and girls and trees

Another rainy day, we're trapped inside with a train set
Chocolate on the boil, steamy windows when we met
You've got the attic window looking out on the cathedral
And on a Sunday evening bells ring out in the dusk

Another day in June, we'll pick eleven for football
We're playing for our lives the referee gives us fuck all
I saw you in the corner of my eye on the sidelines
Your dark mascara bids me to historical deeds

Everybody's gone you picked me up for a long drive
We take the tourist route the nights are light until midnight
We took the evening ferry over to the peninsula
We found the avenue of trees went up to the hill
That crazy avenue of trees, I'm living there still

There's something in my eye a little midge so beguiling
Sacrificed his life to bring us both eye to eye
I heard the Eskimos remove obstructions with tongues, dear
You missed my eye, I wonder why, I didn't complain
You missed my eye, I wonder why, please do it again

The lovin is a mess what happened to all of the feeling?
I thought it was for real; babies, rings and fools kneeling
And words of pledging trust and lifetimes stretching forever
So what went wrong? It was a lie, it crumbled apart
Ghost figures of past, present, future haunting the heart

I have been so feeling this song for the past few days! Sometimes a cool, beautiful song is all I need to fill my heart with good feelings. Well, that and some particularly luscious messages from the Swordsman by email...and one phone message that frankly brought me to my knees.